Blueridge Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Happy New Year all! I need some tips and suggestions to raise my self esteem. I'll turn 50 this year. I have a great dh and happy home, but in this area I am really lacking. I am trying to loose a few pounds, probably need a really good haircut (it's very long and thick and plain), and want to find a few nice new undies. Other than those ideas, I can't think of anything to try. I feel frumpy and plodding, and without my denim jumpers I wouldn't have much else to wear. I do wear makeup, perfume, paint my toenails, but still I don't feel alluring on the inside. I would love some tangible ideas to try this new year to be a more sexy woman. Ginger PS. If the word *sexy* isn't allowed, I apologize in advance! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zelda Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Happy New Year all! I need some tips and suggestions to raise my self esteem. I'll turn 50 this year. I have a great dh and happy home, but in this area I am really lacking. I am trying to loose a few pounds, probably need a really good haircut (it's very long and thick and plain), and want to find a few nice new undies. Other than those ideas, I can't think of anything to try. I feel frumpy and plodding, and without my denim jumpers I wouldn't have much else to wear. I do wear makeup, perfume, paint my toenails, but still I don't feel alluring on the inside. I would love some tangible ideas to try this new year to be a more sexy woman. Ginger PS. If the word *sexy* isn't allowed, I apologize in advance! :D Honestly, I would reconsider the importance of sexy and alluring. The media and the popular culture would make you think that nothing is more important. They are wrong on this point too. Not that attending to appearance isn't important but that's another matter from sexy. You've already suggested a few things that you think would make you feel more put together and they sound like a good start. I've got a couple of those on my list too. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Honestly, I would reconsider the importance of sexy and alluring. The media and the popular culture would make you think that nothing is more important. They are wrong on this point too. Not that attending to appearance isn't important but that's another matter from sexy. You've already suggested a few things that you think would make you feel more put together and they sound like a good start. I've got a couple of those on my list too. :001_smile: I think it is natural for a woman to want to be sexy and alluring. The problem is how the media defines "sexy" i.e. skeletal women who really should eat a cheeseburger or three. Women were made to have curves, and most look better with a little meat on their bones IMO. Now to convince myself of that... For me feeling "sexy" is tied to being healthy. Exercise makes the biggest difference, plus eating well and drinking plenty of water. Which I need to start doing again. Good luck to all of us as we start a healthier new year! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 (edited) The problem is how the media defines "sexy" i.e. skeletal women who really should eat a cheeseburger or three. Women were made to have curves, and most look better with a little meat on their bones IMO. I don't disagree that the intentionally-anorexic look promoted in some industries (modeling, for example) is unhealthy in a myriad of ways. On the other hand, it's too much of a generalization to say "women were made to have curves". I mean, some were, some weren't, right? Different shapes and all that. I think in our culture there tend to be extremes. While some women battle eating disorders in order to be rail thin, others (not referring to you or anyone here in particular!) might comfort themselves with the assertion that they're just built to be more round ~ which isn't necessarily the case. Edited January 1, 2009 by Colleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 I don't consciously think about looking or feeling sexy ~ certainly not in the "sexy" sense of my over-sexed single days. On the other hand, I love looking good and part of that means being fit, feeling fit, and just generally caring for my appearance. It sounds like you know where to start as far as all that's concerned: Drop some weight ~ and even after you've done so, make sure you continue to get some physical fitness and fresh air daily. It's good for the body and the soul. Do something different with your hair. If and when you can afford it, change up your wardrobe. Those external changes will likely have a noticeable impact on how you feel inside, too.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Welll, I'm probably stepping into it here, but I think how sexy we feel frequently relates specifically to sex. Those folks that generally have satisfying sex lives tend to think of themselves as somewhat sexy and are more content with their physical appearance regardless of weight or hair length. Sooo, how's your sex life? Just kidding, don't answer that. But, perhaps, you can think about that a little as well as the other stuff like exercise and toe nails. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 Thanks for your thoughts, ladies! I should have said up front that I want to feel sexy for myself and my dh. We share an amazing relationship...which is honestly surprising to me sometimes. I am a different woman with him at night (or early morning ;)). But the rest of the time, I feel so dumpy. I can't seem to feel good on the inside, even when my dh is so good to me. We have been married a long time, and share all those inside jokes, we flirt, and really enjoy sex. He makes 'passes' at me and I am thankful! I have absolutely no complaints there, and I know he doesn't, either. I just know some ladies who seem so 'put together' when I see them. I can't seem to wear jewelry without feeling silly. When I play with my hairstyle I look silly, too. I have curriculum choices to make and dirty dishes to wash and loads of laundry to get done...who can find time to do facials and have massages and read romance novels? Are those helpful? I want to WANT to wear sassy underthings and feel like I am beautiful and appealing without having to wear tight shirts, etc. KWIM? I did get a Wii Fit for me this Christmas, but so far have been embarrassed to 'perform' in front of the kids. They giggle. :glare: I may be battling with my age, more gray hairs, and excess weight I do not like at all. I have plenty of encouragement in bed with dh, but the rest of the time I feel so plain. Sorry for the whine! Maybe I need some wine! :lol: Ginger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 One starts aiming for "hold up well" because "sexy" just isn't going to happen. I am not overweight, so that's not my particular issue. I am thin but have wrinkles and a TON of grey. The grey I am considering doing something about. Most of the rest of aging is just the way it's going to be. I never see 70 year old women IRL that would be considered "sexy" by the vast majority of people. So I assume that at some point, if I want to be alluring and sexy, I risk looking "ridiculous" and there are few things worse that a 70 year old woman in a tiger print leotard with dyed hair and too much makeup. So I am currently trying to decide to what extent I want to "age gracefully" and aim for something dignified, attractive, and ladylike over looking sexy or desireable. Strong muscles and a straight back go a long way at 65. So I guess I am conflicted about when is the appropriate time to try to cultivate a whole new image that isn't based on trying to look younger or sexier or more alluring, but is based on trying to be refined and health. I do believe that "she who is loved is always beautiful." I'm not too worried about whether my DH will find me attractive, because he loves me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 One starts aiming for "hold up well" because "sexy" just isn't going to happen...So I guess I am conflicted about when is the appropriate time to try to cultivate a whole new image that isn't based on trying to look younger or sexier or more alluring, but is based on trying to be refined and health. I do believe that "she who is loved is always beautiful." Thank you. I really do agree. So maybe my conflict is with the knowing that I have arrived at the age of redefining....I will give much thought to your advice, and I really appreciate everyone sharing with me today. I know I can't be getting any younger, so I will start thinking in terms of fitness and energy. Perhaps I'll throw in a new hobby or two. Blessings~ Ginger...a woman who is much loved Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 What about splurging on some different clothes? Do you have a girlfriend to go shopping with? (Not that that's my thing, but it helps some people). This summer (summer where I am ) I have actually skipped the op shops and gone into some fairly inexpensive shops and bought myself a few nice things. And I have started collecting various scarves to mix and match- a simple scarf with a pair of jeans and a tshirt, with a pair of earrings and some lipstick- well, lets just say its a step up from my normal look :) Also, I have a few pretty dresses now. I dont know if its something to do with being the other side of 40 now, but suddenly I am trying harder with my appearance, wheras I just threw clothes on before. Do it for fun...dont take it too seriously. I dont think denim jumpers are normally very flattering, are they? (we dont tend to have them here in Australia). Be playful about your appearance. I have a teenage daughter- ah, now thats a good motivation, having a sexy spunky 14 year old who has an innate flair for appearing gorgeous! We now share clothes- rather, she steals mine! - and I think all my make up has gravitated to her room. I am "catching" her playfulness around her appearance and enjoying it myself. She gives me honest feedback- and she actually thinks I am beautiful as well, which helps. I think you have to step out and just experiment a little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siloam Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Ginger, Does he see you get dressed in the morning? If he does or if you can work out a way to show him what you have on underneath (bra strap)? You can have a set of special under clothes you wear when he is going to "get some", and then you both can flirt and have fun all day looking forward to that afternoon. On those days you can also pay extra attention to your appearance, time you don't normally spend. As for feeling frumpy, exercise will help. Ignore the kids they will be there some day too. Then you will see how much they laugh. ;) I would say allow yourself days where you do you hair, makeup and wear your best clothing (as stated above), but also allow yourself to just be frompy some days. Some days you just need to get things done and that is OK too. Sometimes the contrast even helps. When you get your hair done ask for a hair stylist that will TEACH you how to do your hair and get a style that will look OK (yes frompy, but neat) when you do not have the time to do your hair, and looks even better when you have the time to more. Many of the new looks have layers that look really choppy if you don't do your hair, so you want your stylist to know you need something more versatile. If you feel you need help with makeup then most nicer department stores have people come up that represent the different lines of makeup and will do a make over. It often requires you to buy some of their product, but often you get get away with $15-$20 of stuff, maybe even less depending on the line. You will want specify it if you want a more natural look, and that you want someone to teach YOU how to apply it. Usually the gals booking the appointments know the people who do the make overs and will know who it would be best to book you with. My first recommendation would be Clinique because I use it, but I have tons of allergies, so I really can't use anything else, LOL! This is actually how my Mom introduced me to makeup, and it was a really great idea that more than paid for itself. If you want to cover the gray, go for it, but having it done professionally will be expensive. If you just want your hair to have a little more sheen (and not in a greasy way), and maybe add some color back, then you can try Ardell Lights and Brights. The clear will simply add shine, and the colors will add a touch of color for up to 8 weeks. Unless you have blond hair and are using the dark color, which would stain your hair, but if you use one similar to your color tone, then there will only be a slight difference and it will wash out in about 8 weeks. It is a product you leave setting on your hair for up to 45 mins, and then wash out with no peroxide or bleach, so it doesn't do any damage it just coats the hair. Some gray hair is very color resistant, so there is a chance that even the color packs will only give you shine (BTW can you tell my Mom was a hair dresser?). I hope it works out and you have lots of fun in the process. Heather Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Take time for yourself. I agree with health and exercise modifications. Updating the wardrobe is energizing, but there's a bit more. I find I can't be doing bills, cleaning the kitchen sink, or grading homework right up until time for bed. I need some decompression and pampering time to get my mind where it needs to be. A hot bath, a glass of wine, maybe a romantic or sexy read or watch a romantic movie. Lingerie that ranges from sweet to wowza is fun and doesn't have to be something you go out and buy. (Try an apron without anything else lately? :D) On date night, I enjoy a good meal, but we get tired of fighting traffic, crowds, and noise so we have learned to cook terrific date meals. Shrimp, thick steaks smothered in onions and mushrooms, a few significant side dishes...wining and dining is a nice prelude. The woman in the Song of Solomon took quite a bit of time and spent some effort in preparing herself for her man. It is an example I can relate to these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I don't disagree that the intentionally-anorexic look promoted in some industries (modeling, for example) is unhealthy in a myriad of ways. On the other hand, it's too much of a generalization to say "women were made to have curves". I mean, some were, some weren't, right? Different shapes and all that. I think in our culture there tend to be extremes. While some women battle eating disorders in order to be rail thin, others (not referring to you or anyone here in particular!) might comfort themselves with the assertion that they're just built to be more round ~ which isn't necessarily the case. You are right, and I am sorry if my post was unclear. I think women who are healthy are beautiful no matter what their body shape might be. I also think that many of the women I see on the screen are *not* healthy. In fact I am often startled by their appearance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted January 2, 2009 Author Share Posted January 2, 2009 Oh, many good ideas for me to think about! I am going to try some of that hair color, and I want to go for a morning shopping trip to find something, anything new to replace one of my denim jumpers. :D I love the idea of date nights, and honestly this will fit perfectly with our 27th anniversary on January 8th. He will be flying home that afternoon from a trip so I can have the table all ready and perhaps our girls can help make/serve the food?? Tonight I had a little breakthrough with feeling better about myself. I am usually such a slug in the evenings, but tonight was different. We all got in the living room and, while dh was watching the Rose Bowl, we girls had a romping good time playing 'Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?'. (We won the million $ !) While we were squealing, I looked at my dh, who wasn't watching the game...he was watching me and smiling. :001_tt1: I do feel better when I expend some energy. Now it's on to a nice hot shower...Thanks again for all the encouragement today! Ginger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 If your kids are old enough to laugh, they are old enough to leave and give you privacy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 For everyday wear, I feel best dressed in a black t-shirt and an ankle length skirt. Don't under estimate what a nice long skirt can do for you. If you buy them from op shops you don't have to feel you can't wear them while doing housework. :) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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