Funeral flowers or memorial contribution?

[BamaTanya]

A very close friend's father died of cancer. The newspaper article says flowers accepted or memorials may be made to the American Cancer Society.

 

If it were your dad, which would you prefer?

[Chris in VA]

I have a plant from a friend's funeral--lasts longer than flowers. I think it's nice to have flowers around the coffin and at the cemetary, but too many seem like a waste to me. So, either way--if you think others will send flowers, then do the contribution. If you think there may not be many flowers, do flowers. You can always do both, just a smaller basket of flowers and a small contribution--no one lists the contributions by amt at the funeral.

[Jenny in Florida]

I might send a small floral arrangement, with a card attached mentioning the donation. Since I'm not a big cut flower person myself (always seems like kind of a waste to me), I'd lean more heavily toward the donation, though.

[Chelle in MO]

I'm sorry about your friend's father, Tanya.

 

My personal preference is monetary donations. Too many times I've seen family members standing around at the funeral or gravesite having to figure out who's taking home which flower arrangement or plant. It has always seemed to me to be a hassle for them.

 

Chelle

[LaxMom]

:iagree: We usually send plants, maybe with a few cut stems tucked in. There's something depressing about having to clean out a bunch of dead flowers after a funeral. At least, in my mind.

 

If they have mentioned it, though, it seems like the donation to the charity of their choice would be the way to go. When my grandmother passed away earlier this year, we preferred donations to hospice, as they played such a huge, positive role in the comfort of her and our family in her last weeks.

[Blue Hen]

When my father died from colon cancer last year we kids purchased flowers for the funeral and around his casket. After the funeral we all headed back to our homes, out of state. Sis who lived the closest kept all the flowers..... My sis had said no flowers, only contributions to ACS in his obituary.

 

A thoughtful friend sent me flowers to my home and I really appreciated it. Another made a contribution to ACS in his name and I really appreciated that too. When my mom died 10 years ago a SIL sent me a plant and I still have that plant. You cannot really go wrong with any of them, really. Letting your friend know that you are thinking of her is what's important IMO.

 

Carole

[Kathleen in VA]

Well, normally I would think flowers are kind of a waste but for funerals I think it is a little bit different. Also, it definitely depends on who will be at the funeral. If his wife is still living, she may equate the number of flower arrangements with how much people loved her husband.

 

When my mom died in 1995 her mother (my grandma) was still living. Her generation (she was born in 1905) placed a lot of emotional importance on flowers at funerals. I almost told the newspaper guy to suggest donations to the American Cancer Society in lieu of flowers but after I saw my grandmother's reaction to the many arrangements that were sent for the funeral I am very glad I didn't. When she walked in the room for the first viewing and saw the place overflowing with flowers it was like receiving a huge hug from all those folks. She even said, "OH, Look at all the flowers!" with tears in her eyes. It meant that people noticed, people cared. I really don't think getting a notice that a donation had been made to the ACS would have had quite the same impact, although she would have understood and appreciated it - just not in the same way. The funeral is really for those left behind and those flowers had a very real healing quality for my grandmother.

 

I was the only child close enough to deal with the flowers so I took them all home with me and had them set up on a table in my LR for at least a week. They really did make me feel better about losing my mom.

[Frankie]

When Dad died this past May, he was cremated and we waited a month for burial. It was only for the kids, no funeral, just a beautiful ceremony by the Marines. (Dad was a WWII vet.)

 

I had expected no flowers, so I bought a dozen red roses for Dad and a dozen white roses for my Mom. My son clipped some of Grandpa's roses from his garden.

 

When we arrived at the cemetery, I was amazed. My cousin had sent a beautiful bouquet for Dad and a smaller boquet for my Mom. My brother's place of employment sent an arrangement as well.

 

I really appreciated the flowers. A lot.

 

My aunt died recently, and my sister and I went in on flowers, because it meant so much. We also both made a contribution to at their request. I was only able to do that because I shared the cost of the flowers.

 

I know flowers will just die and it's a waste, but I remembe funerals and the flowers just soften everything. I have decided in the future to always send flowers and try to make a contribution as well.

 

Personally, I wouldn't want a plant, even though it is so practical, because it would always remind me of the funeral. A plant for an illess I would love, but not for the funeral.