happyWImom Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 I am trying to make the kids understand consequences more, and show them that they need to respect their parents. Dd loves her animals/dolls more than anything, so tonight when she behaved in a disrespectful way, I told her that from now on, when she did she would first get Arthur taken away, if it continued it would be Charlotte, and so on. Not 2 minutes later she sticks her tongue out at me!! So, I got Arthur. Needless to say, a HUGE meltdown occurred. "Why am I punishing him (Arthur) not her, he thinks I'm the stinkiest (I almost laughed) she doesn't love me, she will never say goodnight to me again, she wants a new mom, etc...." A while later, sobbing the whole time, she comes out, can't sleep, won't be able to sleep.... I said "do you want me to come in & say your prayers with you". Response "No, because I don't love you." Okay, I know this was the right thing to do, but it still really gets to me. First, I hate to see her so distraught-I know, I'm a wuz. Then, it really upsets & makes me mad at the same time that she tells me she doesn't love me!! Talk to me here. Examples, commisseration, whatever. Please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 If she's that ticked, you did something right. Been there. You did a good thing!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 I agree! And, also, when she said "No, because I don't love you" Charlotte would have been mine, too. Some friends have a consequence chart. That might be a decent tool in this case, so that you both go to the chart, discuss the behavior and then the consequence happens. And, in the event that the disrespectful behavior happens after a crazy, busy day when she's just plain overwrought, you can discuss the consequence and extend grace, with her knowing that that is what's happening. We're thinking of installing such a feature for our precious little darlings. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Another alternative approach is to Pull The Rug Out From Under Her. Everything is gone until her attitude and behavior improve. Tomato stake her and work on repairing the places in your relationship that have frayed. She needs lots of love and attention. When I was being disrespectful as a kid, it was a cry for help and for love: Can you still love me? Please show me that you still love me. But the love cannot be without consequences for the bad behavior. That's why Pulling the Rug Out also takes away the things that substitute for love. You get the relationship right, and the things lose their power. It seems to me that taking away things bit by bit as a punishment makes our love feel conditional. Your love isn't conditional, of course, but children can feel it is and thus feel unloved despite your ocean-deep love. Read "How To Really Love Your Child" by Ross Campbell, MD. http://www.amazon.com/How-Really-Love-Your-Child/dp/0781439124/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Another alternative approach is to Pull The Rug Out From Under Her. Everything is gone until her attitude and behavior improve. Tomato stake her and work on repairing the places in your relationship that have frayed. She needs lots of love and attention. When I was being disrespectful as a kid, it was a cry for help and for love: Can you still love me? Please show me that you still love me. But the love cannot be without consequences for the bad behavior. That's why Pulling the Rug Out also takes away the things that substitute for love. You get the relationship right, and the things lose their power. It seems to me that taking away things bit by bit as a punishment makes our love feel conditional. Your love isn't conditional, of course, but children can feel it is and thus feel unloved despite your ocean-deep love. Read "How To Really Love Your Child" by Ross Campbell, MD. http://www.amazon.com/How-Really-Love-Your-Child/dp/0781439124/ Hmmmm, thems some interesting thoughts. I need to chew on this for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Dont worry, I've done the same thing with my 4 year old. She absolutely adores her stuffed animals. So when she was being especailly whiny/disrespectful/having tantrums one time, I said "If you act out again, I will take Armadillo. If you do it again, I'll take Franklin." And so on and so on. I think that two animals got taken away that time. Yes, I felt horribly awful because she just loves those animals, but there has to be consequences sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 I reread your post, and saw that you only wanted support in what you were already doing, not ideas for other tactics. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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