Musings

[Scarlett]

15 years ago I discovered that my husband of 25 years was in an affair.  I immediately filed for divorced and it was final within 6 months.  His affair partner was then 24 years old, married with one child.   My now xh was 45.  
 

I remarried within a year of the divorce being final..  So this year we will be married 14 years.  I have a wonderful husband, we have a great marriage and I am very happy with him.   Xh and his affair partner broke up within 2 years which is right on track for affairs.  She married someone else, had another child ( she already had one child) and they divorced after 5 years.
 

 Xh had one relationship after that where he was cheated on….and then got with current girlfriend who he has been with since about 2018.  They just got engaged last month.  I of course got notification of it from friends etc….it is all good.  I met her a year ago at my xh’s mothers funeral…she seems nice, I have no issue with her, nor is she any of my business. I did find myself wondering if he had changed and was she now getting the best version of him.  I mean it has briefly crossed my mind. He occupies very little space in my mind these days.  
 

My son and DIL went to see them this last weekend.  My DIL recounted a repulsive incident that jerked me back to life with him…he has not changed one bit.  Thank GOD I am not still married to him. Y’all I had a serious moment of total thankfulness.  I called my best friend who went to high school with us both and she was like OMG that sounds just like him.  I mean….to the point my 24 yo DIL could not possibly have made this crap up….because it is just. Like. Him. 

Well, that got me thinking and I googled the affair partner and she has married again…. I did the math and she is 39 or 40 now.   
 

So to all of us who have fled bad marriages……it may not seem like it sometimes but it really really is the best thing ever.  

Edited March 14 by Scarlett

[TexasProud]

Scarlett, I am so glad you have found happiness!  

[Home'scool]

I CONCUR!

My marriage of 28 years collapsed after years of narcissism and cheating finally caught up with him. I was devastated. Felt like I was unlovable, that there was something wrong with me, what would I do without him, etc etc. 

It took us 5 years to get divorced because he didn't want to give me one single thing.

Fast forward to now and I have never been happier. The freedom to be me, the peacefulness I now have in my life ..... it's priceless. And I don't even think about him anymore. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

I belong to a group on Facebook called Small Space Living and so many women post a pic of a small house or apartment and say "after X number of years married I am divorced. I went from a 3000 sq ft home to this 900 sq ft. apartment and I have never been happier!" It is a recurring theme and it always makes me happy to see other women breaking free and finding that life after divorce can be very very happy.

Edited March 14 by Home'scool

[Scarlett]

I always felt like I knew the deal…..like it wasn’t me, it was him…..I did not have the typical response…..like what is wrong with me.Honestly I mostly felt like, ‘what is wrong with you?’   And yet…when something catastrophic happened…..I folded into a tiny ball.  7 years before I discovered the affair, my now xh brought people in to our home that  tried to harm me.  I was almost raped in my own bed by the son of my then husbands friend.  Did my then husband protect me? Defend me? Rally to my side? No.  He did not.  

He spent the next 7 years berating me for ‘ my part’ (which was zero) in almost being raped.  
 

Over the course of the next 7 years he threatened to tell my mom, my best friend, ect.  For some reason, reasons that I can’t comprehend now, I was terrified of him telling this story…..even though I was the victim.

 

All I know now is to speak feeely about it.  To not be ashamed of being a victim.