Multiple IVF losses

[Eos]

Can anyone please pm me anything helpful to do/say or not to do/say?  I feel like I usually have good instincts around grief and loss but I could use some wisdom. Or post here if that's comfortable for you.

Thank you.

Edited April 30, 2023 by Eos
please forgive my earlier title

[Kassia]

I've been there and there's really nothing you can say other than you are sorry.  IVF is so tough emotionally, physically, and financially.  All you can do is offer support and love when it fails.  It's a big loss - disappointment doesn't feel like a strong enough word.

[Eos]

I'm so sorry, Kassia, thank you.

[mlktwins]

I had 3 failed IUIs before a successful IVF. DH and I really just wanted to be alone (just the 2 of us) when things didn't turn out as we had hoped. Just an I'm so sorry and I'm here if you need me was best for me. Just acknowledging and being there if needed. But everyone is different in how they handle various types of grief. 

[Hannah]

We have good friends that had a number of failed attempts.  I can't remember exactly how many, but more than 5. They had good jobs, would save up every cent and just keep trying.  Their daughter is 11 now. 

We handled it like any other grief - dropped off a few meals, we were there for them when they needed us, sat with them and held them when they needed it and we kept inviting them over with the understanding that they would only come when they were ready.  I think it does depend on how close you are, what type of relationship you have and how they themselves handle grief.

Edited April 30, 2023 by Hannah
Fixed typos