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Tell me about your ISFP (personality type) acquaintances and is this typical?

kbutton

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kbutton

kbutton

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29 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

What is an ISFP?

I opened this thinking it was a typo for IFSP (Individual Family Service Plan, like an IEP for toddlers) which I could help with!

Meyers-Briggs personality type. Handy tool for discussing people. 

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SoCal_Bear

SoCal_Bear

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I'm INTJ. I'm not sure exactly what you are asking...but I think that I don't have ISFPs who have a big role in my life. What you described above would really cause me to have unhealthy relationship because it would push a lot of buttons in me, and I have boundaries around doing that. It's not that I would have no relationship (sometimes you don't have a choice), but I would be very deliberate my limits and interactions.

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Storygirl

Storygirl

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(((kbutton)))

I don't have answers for you. But I find that I myself have traits of my parents that I don't appreciate in myself and didn't appreciate in them. Even when I've wanted to be deliberate about doing things differently, it's easy to fall into patterns that were learned and observed when growing up, or that are embedded genetically. I think self-awareness plays a big part in being able to choose to respond or behave differently, so I could see this being harder for someone who lacks self-awareness.

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SoCal_Bear

SoCal_Bear

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So, when I think about the personality type you are describing, I really could not think about anyone I have in my circle that is like that. That being said INTJs in general do not need to have many friends. So, I know that I must intuitively avoid people who I do not feel would add value (i.e. reciprocal make each other better). I also know that I naturally avoid high maintenance, energy drain, drama type people. I've long since reached the point in my life when making a relationship tolerable is not a worthwhile use of my energy and effort. I have to say that as an INTJ, reliability and trustworthiness are deal breakers for me in relationships. It's a high value to me that my word is my bond. So I look for that in others who are in my close circle. I will not be unfriendly to people, but I won't necessarily allow them to have close relationship to me. 

Now, I looked this up about INTJ relationships and compatibility... Apparently, this is a challenging opposite.

https://www.truity.com/personality-type/INTJ/relationships

ETA: FWIW, INTJ is the rarest of personality types among women. 0.8%. 

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SoCal_Bear

SoCal_Bear

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@kbutton Be kind to yourself. Doing what you are talking about takes bravery, courage, and being true and honoring yourself. You did something that INTJs rarely do. That took a lot of vulnerability which is not something INTJs will do. I don't believe there is anything wrong with you. People have a lot of reasons for talking you out of doing something which have nothing to do with you and often have something to do with them. I wouldn't worry about a lot of people really knowing you. At least for me, very few people really know me, and that's ok. A lot of people think they know me, but that's a different story.

I just did remove myself from a community recently when it became clear a situation that I was in had become toxic. This was a situation that was years in the making, but things came to a head this last year. So, please don't think other people don't have relational things to deal with as well. Everyone does. You're human. No one is exempt unless you are a total loner/off the grid. I empathize with you about the pain of the cost. It's a cost that my children are having to pay as well.

ETA: I'm not sure I'm going to say this right...when you say you don't think you have enough life experience...these sorts of things are exactly where we get life experience from. There's something here that you are learning and growing from, and I hope that you can someday see that as a positive. Hang in there...

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kbutton

kbutton

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3 minutes ago, calbear said:

@kbutton Be kind to yourself. Doing what you are talking about takes bravery, courage, and being true and honoring yourself. You did something that INTJs rarely do. That took a lot of vulnerability which is not something INTJs will do. I don't believe there is anything wrong with you. People have a lot of reasons for talking you out of doing something which have nothing to do with you and often have something to do with them. I wouldn't worry about a lot of people really knowing you. At least for me, very few people really know me, and that's ok. A lot of people think they know me, but that's a different story.

I just did remove myself from a community recently when it became clear a situation that I was in had become toxic. This was a situation that was years in the making, but things came to a head this last year. So, please don't think other people don't have relational things to deal with as well. Everyone does. You're human. No one is exempt unless you are a total loner/off the grid. I empathize with you about the pain of the cost. It's a cost that my children are having to pay as well.

Thank you. The problem with the bolded is that the people who talked me out of things are my support people. The only people I have to fall back on, and I need them. If they don't really know me, there is little hope. 

Toxic communities--I feel like there are so many, and most of them are under a steeple. I am struggling mightily with faith right now as well. And there is never closure--church people don't think they do anything wrong. 

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kbutton

kbutton

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7 minutes ago, calbear said:

ETA: I'm not sure I'm going to say this right...when you say you don't think you have enough life experience...these sorts of things are exactly where we get life experience from. There's something here that you are learning and growing from, and I hope that you can someday see that as a positive. Hang in there...

I think that I ended up with this relationship through a lack of life experience at the time. It was a long time ago. 

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SoCal_Bear

SoCal_Bear

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I hear you on that. As a fellow Christian, I am praying for you AND for myself.

Regarding the latter, I really hear you. I left the leadership of my Christian homeschooling support group. I never thought in a million years I would do that. I am praying through and seeing this as a major time of refinement in the Church as a whole. You aren't alone. I was sobered and also encouraged when I listened to several interviews here so that I could better understand what was happening. 
 

 

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kbutton

kbutton

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8 minutes ago, calbear said:

I left the leadership of my Christian homeschooling support group. I never thought in a million years I would do that.

I am so sorry. That's painful. We're leaving our second church in ten or so years. There was no closure the last time, and I don't think there will be closure this time. I've never truly belonged to a homeschooling community, except one that disbanded because of life stuff, not conflict. Even then, it was a lot of work to all get along (all SN kids and their families).

It's hard for me to believe we all supposedly have the same Holy Spirit (even the same church, for crying out loud), and my response to their unholy response is just more...unholiness. I am so fed up. My ISFP is a Christian also, and I just can't understand how if we're both believers, we can't make things work. 

I feel like I have no faith anymore, except I clearly feel indignant about some of the recent injustices from a faith-based POV. 

I can't process all the dissonance.

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