Sentence Variety Unit?

[alisha]

My 8th grader's writing assignment today was to take a boring paragraph (example: "Paperclips are the most amazing office products ever invented. Paperclips are useful. Paperclips are easy to use. Paperclips are fun. Paperclips are not like staples. You don't need a special device to attach them......") And make it better, mainly by varying sentence openings within the paragraph. He didn't do that great. Yes, he got the basics-don't use the word "paperclips" too much and combine sentences, but he needs much more work on this topic before we move on. I looked online and found a powerpoint presentation that I liked, but wanted something slightly more in depth than a one day presentation and examples. 

Can anyone suggest a supplemental unit or something which works on fixing boring paragraphs?

I know these are the main ideas of IEW, but we tried IEW a couple years ago and it flopped (the repetition was awful, and he basically retained so much of the original, that re-writing was done from memory rather than the notes (words) that he wrote down). We've also done The Paragraph Book series from EPS, and a creative writing book for the other grades of Middle School. We also did Part 1 of WWS earlier this year. After finishing this book, I plan to head to 7sisters MS Essay Writing, but that seems to be a different area of writing than making your paragraphs "exciting".

Thanks!

[Lori D.]

No personal experience with it, but I believe that is the focus of Killgallon's Sentence Composing series:
- Sentence Composing for Middle School: A Worktext for Sentence Variety and Maturity
- Sentence Composing for High School: A Worktext for Sentence Variety and Maturity

You can use Amazon's "Look Inside" feature to see whether the middle school or high school level is a better fit for your needs.

Edited January 21, 2021 by Lori D.

[ElizabethB]

I would do sentence composing. This one combines grammar and sentence composing, so you're doing at lot more in the same amount of time as the normal sentence composing books.

https://www.amazon.com/Grammar-Middle-School-Sentence-Composing-Approach/dp/0325009562/ref=sr_1_3?crid=3M6R36B37W0IY&dchild=1&keywords=grammar+for+middle+school+a+sentence-composing+approach&qid=1611346457&sprefix=grammar+composing+sentence%2Caps%2C193&sr=8-3

[Ellie]

Easy Writing does that. It is a supplement, and the activities can be done in any order--your choice.

You can also make the corrections yourself.

One of the reasons I dislike many of the more popular products for teaching writing is that they focus on writing paragraphs. I don't want to do that. I want to teach children how to write. Putting sentences in paragraphs is not the first step.

[Shoes+Ships+SealingWax]

No resource recommendations, but this immediately made me think of Gary Provost’s This Sentence has Five Words. 

“This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety.

Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.”

[alisha]

4 minutes ago, Shoes+Ships+SealingWax said:

No resource recommendations, but this immediately made me think of Gary Provost’s This Sentence has Five Words. 

“This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety.

Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.”

I saw that when I was searching for information and tools, but just blew it off because I thought-well, yes, sentence variety matters, that's WHY I'm trying to find something to teach him this. 

However, you bringing this to my eyes again, gave me pause and this time, I thought-Yes, I should show him this to motivate HIM to change. It doesn't tell me how to help the change, but if he sees the difference, that's a start. Thanks.

(I'm looking into the other resources mentioned--Thanks!)