Habits to cultivate before adulthood?

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, Slache said:

Public schooling did not help me there either. I learned that I had no value and to stand up for myself would be worse than taking the abuse.

To be fair, you might have not learned that with supportive parents? I know DH had to fight with his school a tremendous amount, but his parents were very much behind him. 

(If your parents were supportive and this was still the way it was, never mind. Just thinking about examples I know myself.) 

Edited October 24, 2020 by Not_a_Number

[Slache]

1 minute ago, Not_a_Number said:

To be fair, you might have not learned that with supportive parents? I know DH had to fight with his school a tremendous amount, but his parents were very much behind him. 

(If your parents were supportive and this was still the way it was, never mind. Just thinking about examples I know myself.) 

No, but that would not have helped. The vice principal and her people were the cool kids from high school and let the cool kids do whatever they wanted. I would get beat down right in front of the staff and they'd turn the other cheek. Eventually a student was paralyzed and there was in investigation. Everyone involved lost their jobs and there were a ton of lawsuits, but for a few years that school was Hell and no one did anything about it. 

So, dealing with situations like that is essential. I know looking back that I had allies in the staff and could have gone to the police, but at the time I felt so small. 

[Not_a_Number]

2 minutes ago, Slache said:

No, but that would not have helped. The vice principal and her people were the cool kids from high school and let the cool kids do whatever they wanted. I would get beat down right in front of the staff and they'd turn the other cheek. Eventually a student was paralyzed and there was in investigation. Everyone involved lost their jobs and there were a ton of lawsuits, but for a few years that school was Hell and no one did anything about it. 

So, dealing with situations like that is essential. I know looking back that I had allies in the staff and could have gone to the police, but at the time I felt so small. 

Oh, that's awful. 

I think what I would think of as MY job in this situation is to listen to the kid and pull them out. You're right that this wouldn't teach them to stand up to people, but that's too big a situation. 

That sounds terrible. I'm very sorry you had that experience. 

[Slache]

3 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Oh, that's awful. 

I think what I would think of as MY job in this situation is to listen to the kid and pull them out. You're right that this wouldn't teach them to stand up to people, but that's too big a situation. 

That sounds terrible. I'm very sorry you had that experience. 

The thing is, my story isn't that uncommon. That's what's scary. I hear things like this a lot, and while it was dealt with it took a good 10 or 15 years. That's thousands of students.

It was definitely a learning experience. 🙄

Edited October 24, 2020 by Slache

[HS Mom in NC]

We teach our kids to cook so they can help with that daily chore at home.  Cooking shouldn't only fall on Mom or Dad all the time. Do you eat meals?  Then you help cook them. Do you walk in the floors?  Then you help clean them.  Do you wear clothes? Then you help launder them. Do you use the bathroom?  Then you help clean it. 

It's great having young teens+  that can cook full meals.  I had major surgery and  it was no problem with a little and 2 young teens in the house.  They completely took over while I spent 6 weeks recovering and bed schooling. It's also good for people with busy schedules.  The nights I was driving middle back from archery practice, oldest and youngest had dinner ready when we got home. Or if I was working on school with one kid intensively, I could send a young teen or older who was at a good stopping point in school to cook lunch. When we had big projects going or something unexpected happen, I had teens capable of whatever needed delegating at the time-including cooking a meal for the family.

My brother and his wife work full time-he has a compressed work week, so he cooks on 2 nights wife is working more hours on her flexible schedule, wife cooks 2 nights when he's working later in the evening, and teen son (very mild special needs) cooks simple meals 2 nights. (Like tacos and spaghetti.)   They eat out on 1 night.  They're trying to get debt free, so eating at home inexpensively gets them closer to their goals more quickly.

[Slache]

1 minute ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

We teach our kids to cook so they can help with that daily chore at home.  Cooking shouldn't only fall on Mom or Dad all the time. Do you eat meals?  Then you help cook them. Do you walk in the floors?  Then you help clean them.  Do you wear clothes? Then you help launder them. Do you use the bathroom?  Then you help clean it. 

It's great having young teens+  that can cook full meals.  I had major surgery and  it was no problem with a little and 2 young teens in the house.  They completely took over while I spent 6 weeks recovering and bed schooling. It's also good for people with busy schedules.  The nights I was driving middle back from archery practice, oldest and youngest had dinner ready when we got home. Or if I was working on school with one kid intensively, I could send a young teen or older who was at a good stopping point in school to cook lunch. When we had big projects going or something unexpected happen, I had teens capable of whatever needed delegating at the time-including cooking a meal for the family.

My brother and his wife work full time-he has a compressed work week, so he cooks on 2 nights wife is working more hours on her flexible schedule, wife cooks 2 nights when he's working later in the evening, and teen son (very mild special needs) cooks simple meals 2 nights. (Like tacos and spaghetti.)   They eat out on 1 night.  They're trying to get debt free, so eating at home inexpensively gets them closer to their goals more quickly.

My eldest has been helping in the kitchen since 6 because he took an interest. He does breakfast and lunch every day and a few dinners. It's wonderful.

[Terabith]

Regular showering.  Toothbrushing.  Changing your sheets more often than twice a year.  Changing empty toilet paper rolls.  

When my kids were 9, my goals were way more ambitious.  I've scaled back.  Low expectations are the secret to happiness.  My kids are awesome, but personal hygiene isn't really their forte.  

[katilac]

 

3 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

 I think what I would think of as MY job in this situation is to listen to the kid and pull them out. You're right that this wouldn't teach them to stand up to people, but that's too big a situation. 

A large number of kids never mention being bullied at home, even if they have supportive parents who encourage them to communicate. They're so embarrassed they don't want anyone to know (because they're the unpopular kid getting picked on, and because they can't handle it themselves). 

Telling your kids often that they can tell you about it when bad and embarrassing things happen will better the odds, but is by no means a guarantee.