Need advice/opinions about dd who has no idea what she wants to do

[Kassia]

12 minutes ago, 8FillTheHeart said:

We sent our 16 yr old to 3 different summer camps at 3 different universities hoping she would warm up to the idea of going away to college. Even though she had a good time at all of them, she is adamant that she is commuting from home.  She said by day 3 she was always peopled out and just cannot imagine living on campus.  

 

Yes, I can see my dd having the same reaction (although she couldn't handle the summer camps).  She needs a break after "too much people."  I can't imagine her living on campus and it worries me.

[RootAnn]

12 minutes ago, 8FillTheHeart said:

We sent our 16 yr old to 3 different summer camps at 3 different universities hoping she would warm up to the idea of going away to college. Even though she had a good time at all of them, she is adamant that she is commuting from home.  She said by day 3 she was always peopled out and just cannot imagine living on campus.  

My dd#2 has gone to several different camps (none at universities) and while she does well, she hates them & always asks not to go back. She's a rising sophomore, so she still has time. She's thinking of commuting to the small 4 yr college nearby so she can sleep in her own bed, use her own bathroom (shared with siblings), and eat my desserts.  I'm hoping either she changes her mind in three years or she chooses a major the local college does well (very few things!).

[Kassia]

16 minutes ago, RootAnn said:

My dd#2 has gone to several different camps (none at universities) and while she does well, she hates them & always asks not to go back. She's a rising sophomore, so she still has time. She's thinking of commuting to the small 4 yr college nearby so she can sleep in her own bed, use her own bathroom (shared with siblings), and eat my desserts.  I'm hoping either she changes her mind in three years or she chooses a major the local college does well (very few things!).

 

I am glad we are not the only ones going through this.  It is so foreign to me because I couldn't wait to go off to college.  My three older kids weren't excited like I was but they were fine with going.  DH commuted and would have had a tough time in a dorm I think, but for different reasons.  

[Garga]

27 minutes ago, Kassia said:

 

I am glad we are not the only ones going through this.  It is so foreign to me because I couldn't wait to go off to college.  My three older kids weren't excited like I was but they were fine with going.  DH commuted and would have had a tough time in a dorm I think, but for different reasons.  

 

I didn’t go to college, but I got married at 19.  And for the 2 years between high school and marriage, I worked a full-time job and was constantly doing spreadsheets (well, written on paper, because back then home computers weren’t common), to see when I’d finally earn enough to be able to move out.  I can’t really remember a time when I didn’t want to grow up and move out.  I was chomping at the bit to be an adult.  I didn’t like being a kid.

But my kids are not like me at all.  My oldest can start learning to drive next month, and he’s barely interested.  And I’ve already posted about how he doesn’t want to move out.  He flat out says he wants to be a kid and doesn’t want to grow up.  If I mention things like, “Let’s make sure you can cook some simple meals for when you live on your own,” he also looks sick to his stomach.  Not at learning how to cook, but at the idea of moving out one day.

In a way, though, it’s really sweet.  My friends have kids who want to fly the coop the moment they can, and I think it would make me feel a little sad to know my kids couldn’t wait to get away.  It’s kinda nice that we all get along enough that they’re content to stay with us.  I just don’t want it to go so far that they curtail their own lives and stay sheltered for too long.  That seems to be how you feel, too.

[Kassia]

5 minutes ago, Garga said:

 

I didn’t go to college, but I got married at 19.  And for the 2 years between high school and marriage, I worked a full-time job and was constantly doing spreadsheets (well, written on paper, because back then home computers weren’t common), to see when I’d finally earn enough to be able to move out.  I can’t really remember a time when I didn’t want to grow up and move out.  I was chomping at the bit to be an adult.  I didn’t like being a kid.

But my kids are not like me at all.  My oldest can start learning to drive next month, and he’s barely interested.  And I’ve already posted about how he doesn’t want to move out.  He flat out says he wants to be a kid and doesn’t want to grow up.  If I mention things like, “Let’s make sure you can cook some simple meals for when you live on your own,” he also looks sick to his stomach.  Not at learning how to cook, but at the idea of moving out one day.

In a way, though, it’s really sweet.  My friends have kids who want to fly the coop the moment they can, and I think it would make me feel a little sad to know my kids couldn’t wait to get away.  It’s kinda nice that we all get along enough that they’re content to stay with us.  I just don’t want it to go so far that they curtail their own lives and stay sheltered for too long.  That seems to be how you feel, too.

 

I got married at 19, too (met DH my first semester in college and we got married when I was a sophomore and he had graduated), and can't remember a time I didn't want to grow up and move out.  I agree that it's sweet that our kids feel comfortable enough at home to not be in a rush to get out and also about the concern that we shelter our kids for too long.  I have two friends with kids who seemed like they might struggle in college.  One went close enough to come home on weekends and absolutely needed to do that - he wouldn't have made it through college without that option.  The other went out of state and adjusted surprisingly well (just finished freshman year and is ready to go back).  I suspect my dd would be more like the first, but I don't know.  Only one of my four children was excited about growing up, driving, moving out, etc. but none of them had the anxiety about it that dd has.  They were all very accepting of the next steps in their lives even if they weren't happy about them.