Carrie12345 Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 ;) So, I just found out I am going to be an aunt. My sister is freaking out a little bit, but she also has a fairly positive attitude. I had my son when I was 21 and unmarried, so she's thinking that surely this will be easier, considering she will be nearly 8 years older than I was. The thing is, she's really just biologically older than I was, and everything else about her revolves around the same situations I dealt with. I don't want to freak my poor sister out while she's still trying to adjust to this news, but I also feel like it would be dishonest for me to keep my mouth shut. What say the out-of-wedlock hive? How honest would you be? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 ;) So, I just found out I am going to be an aunt. My sister is freaking out a little bit, but she also has a fairly positive attitude. I had my son when I was 21 and unmarried, so she's thinking that surely this will be easier, considering she will be nearly 8 years older than I was. The thing is, she's really just biologically older than I was, and everything else about her revolves around the same situations I dealt with. I don't want to freak my poor sister out while she's still trying to adjust to this news, but I also feel like it would be dishonest for me to keep my mouth shut. What say the out-of-wedlock hive? How honest would you be? I would be honest, but only when she asks direct questions. Single parenting was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I had amazing support from my family. Still, I would hesitate to give a pregnant woman more to worry about than she already has. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 I was a single mother at 17 and while it was hard, it wasn't that hard. I had family support (as in emotional, mostly), but I wouldn't scare her to death. I imagine that it would be much easier at 21 or even 28 to be a single parent. What are her worries/issues? I would be more likely to tell her how I managed those things than to tell her how hard it is, KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted November 7, 2008 Author Share Posted November 7, 2008 I would be honest, but only when she asks direct questions.Single parenting was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I had amazing support from my family. Still, I would hesitate to give a pregnant woman more to worry about than she already has. :001_huh: Hopefully, she'll start being more specific then! She called the day she found out and started asking "Well, what did you do?" and "How did you feel?" I figured it really wasn't the time, so I pretty much stuck to telling her that she can handle it. Which I do believe she can. But it ain't gonna be easy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted November 7, 2008 Author Share Posted November 7, 2008 I was a single mother at 17 and while it was hard, it wasn't that hard. I had family support (as in emotional, mostly), but I wouldn't scare her to death. I imagine that it would be much easier at 21 or even 28 to be a single parent. What are her worries/issues? I would be more likely to tell her how I managed those things than to tell her how hard it is, KWIM? At the moment, I think she's having commitment issues. I believe her bf is very supportive, but she's very young, emotion wise. Plus, my sisters and I all have Daddy Issues, iykwim. For me, a lot did come down to family support eventually. For nearly two years, ds's father and I did our best on our own before I left to move back home. I think she's worried about the possibility of having the same thing happen. Though I wouldn't know if it even could. My sister has put my mother and stepfather through hell in the not-so-distant past, and I have a feeling their support would be more of an emotional-only support. In other words, she'll be just fine if her plans work out the way she wants them to. If not (and I certainly hope they *do), she could potentially be worse off than I was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeachGirl Posted November 7, 2008 Share Posted November 7, 2008 I was 28, unmarried and living with my bf. We had an oops and I now have an unexpected blessing in my dd15. My bf and I split up when she was 4 but I was a single parent long before the actual split. As long as there is emotional support there for her no matter whom is providing it, she should be fine. The one thing I can say is it would help if you let her know you are there for her. You will answer her questions and listen to her if she needs to talk. I had emotional support from my family and my bf's family (more than I ever had from him) and that was the most beneficial thing for me. Sometimes, you just need to talk to someone who has been there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted November 8, 2008 Share Posted November 8, 2008 Gosh, I'd be more concerned if she married the dad and didn't love him. That is what I did and it ended in divorce 3 years later...which was much harder on my son that being a single mom ever was. Give her advice if she asks...but don't just be doom and gloom and start in immediately on what a hard road she has ahead. Chances are, she knows it isn't the ideal situation and she is already dealing with some of that in her mind. Be supportive, be there for her, and tell her the truth if she asks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted November 8, 2008 Share Posted November 8, 2008 Gosh, I'd be more concerned if she married the dad and didn't love him. That is what I did and it ended in divorce 3 years later...which was much harder on my son that being a single mom ever was. No sh!t. (Excuse my language.) Or, what would be even worse is if she married him and didn't love him and eighteen years later was still married and living like housemates with the guy. I was 24 and had just shipped off to graduate school when I found out I was pregnant. Within a year I moved across the country twice and had a baby and bought a house and got married. My humble suggestion would be to keep the life changes ratio to about 1/year rather than doing them all in one swell foop. Deal with the pregnancy and put the other things on hold, if possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fshinkevich Posted November 8, 2008 Share Posted November 8, 2008 I would be honest, but only when she asks direct questions.Single parenting was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I had amazing support from my family. Still, I would hesitate to give a pregnant woman more to worry about than she already has. :001_huh: I agree 100% If she asks, be honest, otherwise keep your mouth shout :D I hated it when people told me how hard it would be, how my life was "ruined" etc. No doubt I had to work harder than some but I never regretted my choices for one second. I am grateful for my children, and the things I accomplished in seeking a good life for them. Those with negatives comments (or "truths") did nothing to help, even if that was their intention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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