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How much does a future spouse need to know about his/her fiancée's past?


extendedforecast
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Should the following be mandatory to disclose:

 

Past relationships

Number of sexual partners

Details about sexual experiences (how many times total, positions, places, protection used, one night stands, etc.)

Sexual abuse in the past

 

What is okay to keep to oneself?

 

Thanks in advance for answering. I will explain my questions later.

 

In hindsight, I wish I had asked dh a whole lot more than I did.  Especially about sexual abuse.  I just couldn't understand some of the things he did in relation to that when we were first married.  He even wanted to continue to sleep on the floor as he had when growing up.  I had to talk him into sleeping in the bed with me.  I had NO clue ......  because I didn't even know about any of the abuse.  He only told me about it when we went to a college counselor a few years into our marriage.  In hindsight, there were quite a few things he said and did that were dead giveaways, however. 

 

STD's, definitely.  And debt and porn and the general pattern of their sexual history and other things that would be more likely to directly affect both of us.  Positions and all that list??  Creepy.  No.  

 

Dh and I have known a couple of couples where the wife just left suddenly.  One after a big, fancy wedding, and only a few months of marriage.  I'm fairly certain porn was a factor in both.  The other couple, dh worked with the guy and dh said he used to download porn on his computer at work and look at it back before companies put a stop to that kind of crud.

 

I would also want to know what kind of relatives I was marrying into, having married into some real doozies - twice.   :rolleyes:   And many other things unrelated to sex, too.

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Should the following be mandatory to disclose:

 

Past relationships

Number of sexual partners

Details about sexual experiences (how many times total, positions, places, protection used, one night stands, etc.)

Sexual abuse in the past

 

What is okay to keep to oneself?

 

Thanks in advance for answering. I will explain my questions later.

 

No

No

No

No

 

If you have been diagnosed with an STD, that should be disclosed. If you know you are a carrier for a dangerous recessive gene (such as for Cystic fibrosis, sickle cell, etc.) that should be disclosed. Basically, it's reasonable to ask for a medical report showing STD testing and genetic information which could affect future children. Also your fertility status and thus ability to have future children should probably be disclosed. Nothing on the list you gave is any business of a current of potential future partner/spouse.

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