Do you try again after multiple losses?

[Jennefer@SSA]

I know it is too soon for us to make any official decisions as we just lost this last pregnancy 10 days ago. Still I am already wondering...should we try again? I have 3 children and I've had 3 miscarriages - 2 in the second trimester. I am at a 50% ratio. I really want a fourth baby but I am not sure if I can go through this heartache another time. My doctor has said that we can try again after 3 normal cycles.

 

I am 36 - would be 37 when this one is born. I am already a high-risk pregnancy due to a blood clotting disorder. I also have a very good chance of conceiving twins as they run very strong on my mom's side. Part of me (my head) thinks I would be crazy to attempt this again but the other part (my heart) just wants another baby. We would love to adopt but unless many thousands of dollars dropped in our lap, that wouldn't be a possibility.

 

Any thoughts from anyone who has btdt?

[cathmom]

After dc #3, we had 2 miscarriages (our second and third total). The last miscarriage nearly killed me with the blood loss. It took us two years to feel like we could try again, but we did and now we have 4 more dc!

 

I am sorry that you have had to suffer this pain!

[JennifersLost]

I've had four kids and four miscarriages, including two at fourteen weeks. You should check with a doctor/herbalist before taking my advice, but I found that once I started taking chaste berry I stopped having miscarriages. I would take it for three complete cycles before trying to get pregnant. I have no scientific evidence. It worked for me and still helps me with difficult cycles now that I'm in perimenopause.

[newlifemom]

I PM'd you.

[Jennefer@SSA]

I PM'd you back. Thank you!

[newlifemom]

I've had four kids and four miscarriages, including two at fourteen weeks. You should check with a doctor/herbalist before taking my advice, but I found that once I started taking chaste berry I stopped having miscarriages. I would take it for three complete cycles before trying to get pregnant. I have no scientific evidence. It worked for me and still helps me with difficult cycles now that I'm in perimenopause.

 

What was the chaste berry for specifically? Low hormones or something?

[Mabelen]

Is your blood clotting disorder the cause of your multiple losses or is it something else (known/unknown)?

 

I have two children and had two miscarriages. I also have a blood clotting disorder but we didn't find out until the last pregnancy (and child) and so I never had any treatment for that condition till then.

 

I think this is such a personal decision, really. We were extremely lucky to have that last pregnancy and child because we had completely given up. After my third pregnancy/second loss we tried for a long time and didn't get pregnant. We underwent testing and everything was normal, except we were not achieving a pregnancy, let alone a baby! We had really come to terms with our small family when I found I was pregnant again, and I went through a lot of mixed emotions and fear. I had blood thinners throughout my pregnancy and everything went great. I have two girls, a 12 yo and a 4 yo, so they are 7 1/2 years apart! We feel now our family is complete. If this were not the case and I were not 44, I would feel a lot more confident trying because now I know the cause of my losses and how to help prevent them. I don't think I could go through with another pregnancy if I didn't know the cause and I couldn't do anything to prevent it. I think I would find it too devastating.

 

All the best and sorry about your loss.

 

Mabelen

[Zelda]

I know it is too soon for us to make any official decisions as we just lost this last pregnancy 10 days ago. Still I am already wondering...should we try again? I have 3 children and I've had 3 miscarriages - 2 in the second trimester. I am at a 50% ratio. I really want a fourth baby but I am not sure if I can go through this heartache another time. My doctor has said that we can try again after 3 normal cycles.

 

I am 36 - would be 37 when this one is born. I am already a high-risk pregnancy due to a blood clotting disorder. I also have a very good chance of conceiving twins as they run very strong on my mom's side. Part of me (my head) thinks I would be crazy to attempt this again but the other part (my heart) just wants another baby. We would love to adopt but unless many thousands of dollars dropped in our lap, that wouldn't be a possibility.

 

Any thoughts from anyone who has btdt?

 

Now that you have had three will they try to find the reason? I know three is the magic number for this. Maybe that would help you make your decision.

 

:grouphug:

[Lorna in the boonies]

I lost three babies (two stillbirths and one miscarriage) between my oldest two kids. After our son finally got here in one piece, we decided to leave well enough alone, and we stopped.

 

A couple of years later, we were surprised by another pregnancy. We were thrilled (because neither of us had particularly wanted to stop -- we just couldn't handle the idea of any more losses), and I can honestly say that it never occurred to me that there might be problems. After all, I had gotten past that. My son was proof!

 

But I was wrong. Our daughter had a birth defect and lived for just under an hour.

 

After that, my husband quite firmly said that we were finished. He was done. We had risked too much and lost too much too many times. End of discussion.

 

I have to tell you, the idea of ending with a loss just broke my heart. He was done, but I wasn't. I agonized over this. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed that one of two things would happen: that either dh would change his mind or that God would give me a peace and a contentment about being done.

 

I didn't say a word about it for a several months. I just prayed. And one day he actually brought up the idea of possibly trying again. I was so excited at this small grain of hope that I could hardly contain myself. And the more time went by, the more he talked about it, until he himself said he wanted to try again.

 

To make a long story short (too late, I realize), our youngest daughter was born 22 months after her sister's death.

 

Personally, I will say that I am *so* glad we kept trying. I can remember my mother telling me, after my second stillbirth, that perhaps we should just consider learning to be content with the one living child we had at the time -- and now I look at the two wonderful children who would not be here today if I had listened to her -- and I can honestly say that, yes, I'm glad I kept trying. (And my mother now agrees with me, of course.) It *is* worth it (for me, anyway -- I know it's a very personal decision, and you have to make the one that's best for your own family).

 

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

[Jennefer@SSA]

Now that you have had three will they try to find the reason? I know three is the magic number for this. Maybe that would help you make your decision.

 

I was fortunate and my doctor started testing after my first 2 miscarriages. My first born was very underdeveloped at birth (due to my placenta being abnormally small as well as the umbilical cord) and so that along with 2 losses led them to test earlier than normal. That was when my blood clotting disorder was discovered. I then took injections of blood thinners and went on to carry 2 healthy babies to term.

 

The reason for this last loss is not known. The miscarriage was discovered after 10 days so chromosomal testing was not possible. I did have a blood test that came back irregular for a possible Trisomy 18. They were going in to check further when they discovered the baby had already died. There is a possibility that my clotting disorder was the cause and we will discuss raising my dose if we get choose to try again.

 

All that to say, we don't know why we lost this baby. We will need to make a decision without any further knowledge.

[Jennefer@SSA]

Personally, I will say that I am *so* glad we kept trying. I can remember my mother telling me, after my second stillbirth, that perhaps we should just consider learning to be content with the one living child we had at the time -- and now I look at the two wonderful children who would not be here today if I had listened to her -- and I can honestly say that, yes, I'm glad I kept trying. (And my mother now agrees with me, of course.) It *is* worth it (for me, anyway -- I know it's a very personal decision, and you have to make the one that's best for your own family).

 

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

 

Thanks, Lorna. I am so glad you kept trying, too! What a blessing...and that is my hope as well. If we try again I pray that we will be blessed with a #4. I just don't think if I lose another pregnancy I will have it in me to try again. I will be too close to 40 and have too many other risk factors. Thanks for the encouragement. It is great to hear others' stories of sucess. :001_smile:

Edited November 3, 2008 by Jennefer@SSA

[MyBlueLobsters]

I have no advice, but wanted to offer you :grouphug:. I will pray you find a decision you can be peaceful about.