how did you know when you were done..

[mommyoftwinboys]

having children?

For me I have twin 6 year old boys and I have VERY mixed feelings about having another baby. I love these boys so much my heart hurts. Would they be jealous? What is a good reason to have another baby?

I'm already worried about the boys getting older and have been severly depressed about it to the point of crying all the time. I'm just confused and don't know if it's because of depression or because I have those desires to have another child(although when I talk about it I start to sweat:001_huh:)

Thoughts?

[Michelle T]

since I've used any form of BC, and I've never gotten pregnant during that time. The fact that I'm now 44 is also certainly playing into the situation.

 

I actually feel quite a bit of sadness over my/our apparent infertility (it took 1.5 years to get pregnant with DS, and I was only 31 then) but we are certainly not going to pursue any sort of treatment at this point.

Michelle T

[Trivium Academy]

For me, it's about the support system involved. My heart would welcome another child but my sanity would suffer greatly. Dh is completely hands-off (critical and undermining at times too), FIL is verbally critical and undermining, my parents are wrapped up in their own lives- if circumstances were different, I'd probably have 2 more children. It also has to do with economics, we just got out of pull-ups earlier this year! Lol.

 

While it is sad to see them growing up, I wouldn't be able to provide what I would want to more children and I'm determined to do the best I can with the two I've been blessed with.

[mommyoftwinboys]

Jessica

I appreciate your honest response. My husband is very hands-on and for that I'm totally gratefull but like you, our extended family has limited to no-contact with our family and that is hard when you feel alone.

[AnnetteB]

If you and your husband both desire another child go for it. Our children have always been thrilled with the addition of a new sibling. Really. We have nine children and though our hearts are open to more, our youngest is five and it seems that our family will grow through grandchildren now :)

[mommyoftwinboys]

The thing is I'm not sure the desire is there...I don't know if I'm just sad my boys are growing up or that I want another child. I wish i could go back and do it over again with them it's been so wonderful:001_smile:

[6packofun]

I think you should work on some of those emotions you are already dealing with as a mom before compounding or complicating them with another baby. You sound too anxious to upset the intense contentment you feel with 2 children who are your world, IMO. It should be something that excites both you and your dh! It's OK if you're not there yet--just wait a bit. :) Or stop if the age difference bothers you.

[5knights3maidens]

I'm being real honest here.....You know I've been praying about this lately. We have 8 and I have a desire to have another. (I'm 46 :tongue_smilie: ) I always worry about what others will say but you know what...so what! That's their problem. I might be crazy in some people's eyes but that's ok...I need a little craziness in my life sometimes. :D (No bc here ;) ). Youngest is 3 oldest is almost 24.

[Paula in PA]

For me, it's a couple of reasons. The main one is, while I have been able to get pregnant since dd, each one has ended in miscarriage. The doctors can't say why and we can't afford genetic testing. The other critical one is my being diabetic. It puts me immediately into the high-risk catagory. While I would love to have another, physically it just doesn't seem possible. So we've decided to not even try again.

[Eleni]

for me it was when I took honest stock of what I could handle and be the best mother of. For us that is 3 kids. I thought we were supposed to have a huge family, but after my 3rd was born and I suffered through severe PPD, and some health issues, I realized I was just done. She is almost 5 now and it is sad sometimes knowing she is my last, but there is also a relief in that for me. .

[milovany]

I personally think your feelings right now are VERY common after having a first child and enjoying it so much! (Even though you had two for your "first"). I remember thinking and worrying about that -- would I love the next one as much? Will it be hard for this first child that I love so much? I've had so much fun, isn't this enough? Will it be too hard for *me* to handle more? Etc. Please know that you are feeling something very *normal*.

 

With that said, we've gone on to have several more and we wouldn't change a thing! It's been great! And yes, we've loved the subsequent kiddos just as much, the oldest turned out fine even though he didn't stay the "center" of our world, we've been able to bless people in big ways, etc.

 

We've heard a number of people my parents' age saying "We wish we would have had more" and that really spoke to us. While we do use b/c at times, I guess at this point I would answer the "How do you know when you're done?" question with, "We don't!" And we're okay with knowing that however many kids God puts in our family that's the plan He has for us and we're good with that.

 

HTH~