LOR etiquette & ?

[Hilltopmom]

A professor (DE at the CC) just wrote Ds a LOR for a summer program. He offered to send Ds a copy of it too, so he'd know what it said. Ds declined (didn't see why, I explained later that it's nice to know what they say about you & how they wrote in case you want to use them again, for college applications. Should've told him that ahead of time, oops.)

 

Anyways, did your kids tend to get a copy from their recommenders?

Is that common? It used to be, in my experience.

 

Would it be ok for Ds to ask now, a week later, if yes, could he please forward him a copy too? Or is that weird? This is definitely a prof he would ask for a LOR for applications in the fall (he's taken 3 CS classes with him & will be applying to comp sci programs)

 

(Prof wrote & sent the LOR the very next day after Ds asked him, how's that for prompt?!)

 

Whatcha think?

[Bootsie]

I would not ask for a copy at this point.  Most LORs have a place where the student checks whether or not they reserve the right to review the letter as part of their record.  Sometimes a recommender will provide a copy to the student, anyway.  But, IME a student should check that they are rejecting the right to view the letter, because if they are concerned about what might be in the letter it is a red flag.  Most people I know would refuse to write a letter of recommendation rather than provide a negative letter.

[regentrude]

Most serious recommenders will require that the student waive his right to see the letter, and most programs will have a form where the student can sign that he waives the right to see LORs.

Many recommenders will not write a letter unless the student does so - not because they write something negative, but because that ensures to the receiving institution that the recommender was frank and honest. I write a lot of LORs, and will not share the letters with the students about whom I write.

 

ETA: As pp stated: recommenders don't write negative letters. Writing LORs is a pain and time consuming; if a recommender does not have anything good to say about the student, he'd rather decline and save himself the arduous task. Nobody wastes his time writing a negative letter.

Edited March 28, 2017 by regentrude

[Hilltopmom]

Gotcha. That makes sense. Thanks!

[MerryAtHope]

Anyone else always think "Lord of the Rings" instead of "Letters of Recommendation" every time they see the LOR acronym?! Just as I was clicking to see what "Lord of the Rings Etiquette" might mean, I realized my mistake...

 

[Dmmetler]

And then there is the exception...my DD applied for a grant to attend a conference this summer that wanted two LORs. Both of her recommenders sent them in directly-and then, the day applications were due, DD got an e-mail saying they needed her LORs with her digital packet. So, panic attack time, as she then had to contact the recommenders and see if they could send her a .PDF of their recommendation so she could include it in the packet. I have never before had a situation where they wanted the letter in the packet--and both her recommenders had gotten confirmation of reciept, so it's not that they hadn't gotten the letters!