Self-help books on being gracious?

[klmama]

My mother and grandmother were totally gracious ladies.  As in, numerous older people who met me for the first time asked if I remembered my grandmother and said what a gracious woman she was, always kind and considerate of others, always knowing the right thing to say and always helping others in need.  My mom came a close second in the number of gracious genes. Me?  *Sigh*  I try, and often I do okay, but much too often I still say the wrong thing, or I completely miss the obviously polite thing I should have done, but didn't see until later. At my age, I feel like I should have this down, but I still mess it up quite frequently.   Are there any self-help books for this?  

[happi duck]

(hugs)

[Guest]

It's not a self-help but Miss Manners' Guide to Excrutiatingly Correct Behavior is a fun read -- you don't have to read the whole thing but it does give a lot of ideas and of course you choose how far you want to take things. I like it because she gives you actual words to say and actions to take in tough spots.

 

And there is always thinking about how to apply the Golden Rule.

[gardenmom5]

it is a skill - and can be learned.

 

I read much miss manners - pouring over her books.

then, I made an effort to go out of my way to be kind.  even one person a week, then a day.  it allows both practice and experience as you gain the skill.

 

there is also attitude - of actually seeking to serve others and lift them etc.   asking them questions about themselves, their families, their interests. etc.

[gardenmom5]

It's not a self-help but Miss Manners' Guide to Excrutiatingly Correct Behavior is a fun read -- you don't have to read the whole thing but it does give a lot of ideas and of course you choose how far you want to take things. I like it because she gives you actual words to say and actions to take in tough spots.

 

And there is always thinking about how to apply the Golden Rule.

 

well - it introduces you to her cast of characters . . . but then you must move on to miss manners guide to rearing perfect  children . . . there are many books. . . .

though, our family does have a fondness for her chapter on "advanced silverware: or what in the world is this?"

dh is quite partial to directions for a deathbed scene . . . . (you will be assured to know, it is perfectly proper to have a full recovery after staging such an event - and you are even allowed to stage it again - provided  you change up the finer details to keep people guessing.)

[upincanada]

I also read Miss Manners in my early 20's when I realized I had huge gaps in my social intelligence. I still make stupid mistakes, but it helped tremendously. 

 

Joan Didion's A Year of Magical Thinking is a unique book that may also be helpful. She writes about the grief she experiences when her husband and daughter die within a short time span. Reading it showed me how to be a gentler person around those who are suffering, and as a consequence, how to be a gentler person overall. I suppose any book on grief from a first person/personal experience perspective would do the same.