Need advice on how to handle a situation

[MyBlueLobsters]

Okay, yesterday at a baby shower, a lady from church (not a close friend of mine, but someone who I talk to on occasion) made a comment that was hurtful. I know she didn't mean to be hurtful and was just a comment of ignorance. There were two moms (myself and another mom) who this would particularly be hurtful to. After the event I had 4 people come up and ask if I was okay becuase it was pretty obvious the comment was upsetting. One mom even said she didn't know how I didn't start 'sobbing'. So, here is my delima. I KNOW she wasn't intending to hurt us by her comment...so would you say something to her nicely and explain why her comment was hurtful? Or would you just let it go since there was no ill intent and chalk it up to a 'foot in mouth' moment? If it makes any difference, I am not holding this against her nor does it make me think any less of her. In that case I am thinking I should just let it go unless something is said again at a later date.....what do you think?

 

:bigear:

[Parrothead]

Let it go. I'd be willing to bet that someone else there all ready spoke up on your behalf.

[Melinda in VT]

My natural instinct is to avoid conflict.

 

I'm trying to learn to speak the truth in love instead.

 

Maybe drop off a plate of cookies or muffins with a brief note explaining why the comment was hurtful?

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Maybe you could tell her that she probably had noticed your being upset and that you wanted to clear the air. Tell her kindly what you said here. That you hold no ill feelings, and wanted her to know that. And also to know what it was that upset you so there would be no misunderstandings about it. I don't know. Confrontation is hard for me. :grouphug:

[Ria]

My guess is that someone already pulled her aside and told her how that her comment was hurtful, so I don't think you need to do that. If, however, you notice that she's avoiding you (because she's ashamed or embarrassed) I would approach her and gently explain that there are no hard feelings. She's probably going to be a lot more careful of what she says from now on.

 

Ria

[Titus.Two.Five]

If you know it wasn't intentional...let it go.

[Seeker]

Pray and let God provide the answer. His advice is never wrong.

[Joanne]

What a sweet, tender heart you have.

 

I'm guessing the commenter will soon apologize.

[Danestress]

I go with either forebearance or blurting. If someone say something really hurtful to me, I might blurt out, "Wow, I can't believe you said that, that's so hurtful." At which point they likely apologize and justify and I quickly back track and reassure that it wasn't *that* hurtful, but I just blurted it out.

So we end on reasonably good terms but they know better than to say mean things to me:)

 

But if I didn't blurt it out a the moment, that I typically won't say anything at all because I do in fact believe in forebearance. I don't think every hurt feeling needs a full airing.

[Scarlett]

I go with either forebearance or blurting. If someone say something really hurtful to me, I might blurt out, "Wow, I can't believe you said that, that's so hurtful." At which point they likely apologize and justify and I quickly back track and reassure that it wasn't *that* hurtful, but I just blurted it out.

So we end on reasonably good terms but they know better than to say mean things to me:)

 

But if I didn't blurt it out a the moment, that I typically won't say anything at all because I do in fact believe in forebearance. I don't think every hurt feeling needs a full airing.

 

I do the blurting now with my MIL. She however, is either mentally ill or mean, so I dont know if she intends to hurt or not. So I say, 'you are hurting my feelings!' And if she persists in her line of offense, I will say, 'I have to go now because my feelings are too hurt to continue this conversation.'

 

It took 25 years to get to that point though.