Help Me Think of Ways I Can Be Helped

[JennifersLost]

This is a "I'm worried about my kids" post. I'm worried about each of my three sons for different reasons tonight. I'll tackle them in order:

 

1. I'm worried about my oldest (15) because I think his friends in town dropped him, he's complained about anxiety, and I think he's relying on the internet to fill in his friendship gaps.

 

2. I'm worried about my middle son (13) because I feel he doesn't take on responsibility well. He does the minimum to get by. I don't feel he's learning to be a "man".

 

3. I'm worried about my youngest son (11) because he, too, is isolated. He doesn't have enough going on.

 

I think that all three of these kids need more meaningful things to do. They each have chores already - mostly cleaning up after dinner, some yardwork. They're good, helpful kids, but I'd like to help them feel more confident, more grown up, and more plugged into "reality" in helpful ways that will leave them feeling good about themselves.

 

I know the teen years are difficult. I'm really worried about my oldest. I had felt that he was on a good track....and now suddenly he's not. Can't even quite put my finger on it....

 

Any ideas?

[Osmosis Mom]

Sorry you are feeling this way.

 

I can relate to 2) since my own 13 yo ds can be slacky as well. It's a amtter of character and I try to let him know how skimping on his chores or attitudes affects all of us and espcially me, thinking he is pulling his load. I think it's an age-thing and that he'll get around.

 

About 1) then I'd personally set much stricter internet guidelines. We had to put Facebook on lock (virtual lock) and gave the girls 1/2 weekly (after a year of incessant use, well incessant to me at least). We had some minor mishap with that site and the teen in question was ready to a firm hand when we stepped in. hey are both cured now. One is at college and only updates her Facebook to stay social, the other is at home and just keeps it for the "cool-actor" plus you can use it in good ways and that's where they are at now.

 

So back to your kid, then there were tears involved as we pulled the plug on Facebook etc. We actually watched our child(ren) pull herself from social functions and go back to facebook the same people she hadn't spoken to at the function. Now that's perverted, but what overuse does to you.

 

The kids all need social outlets, however, and I suspect you just need to brainstorm different ones to find a few new connections they can make. 4-H might be an option if you can find just a few other kids to join your own group fx. Volunteering at a palce of interest is another powerful option. Also, making usre all boys are physically active and involved in sports so they can get some of those good hormones going (endorphins, right?).

 

Hope some fo this helped. We all worry. That's part of our unwritten job-description.

[elegantlion]

Can the 15 year old get a part-time job? It might get him out with his peers in a somewhat controlled environment. If not are there volunteer opportunities?

 

Does your dh have a job that he can take one of your sons on occasion?

 

We deal with some of these issues in our house since we have no car during the day. There is nothing fun to do except walk the neighborhood.

[Soph the vet]

You've already gotten some great suggestions. I agree with the internet cautionary tale.

I also agree with volunteer opportunities and part-time employment. I worked cleaning stalls from the age of 13. Hospitals accept volunteers at about 13. "Interning" at a business that they may compliment their future career. How about starting a business? Many stories of industrious teens over the centuries inventing something or marketing a skill they have.

Just some suggestions.

[JennifersLost]

You know, the 15 year old put in applications for jobs earlier this fall and they didn't come to anything. I think he needs a push in that direction.

 

Another idea is unplugging from the internet for a week as a family and seeing what happens - do I feel a difference in the atmosphere?

 

I'd really rather approach that one from a standpoint of helping him become more active in "real life" than legislating his internet usage, although if that's what it takes, that's what I'll do.....

[Tina]

Do you have another homeschool family or two with boys of similar age to hang out with regularly to build friendships?

 

Could your oldest apprentice with someone ( you know) in carpentry/woodworking or plumbing or something where he'd be learning skills he could use later in life? Even doing that weekends would help, I'd think.

 

My 14 yr old is right where your 13 yr old is, so I can't help there. He sure knows how to push our buttons, too!!

 

Could your dh teach the boys some 'manly' skills? Changing the oil, washing/waxing, cleaning out the car well, fixing items around the house? Check out some Boy Scout merit badge requirements for ideas.