Loowit Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 I don't want to get into too many details, but I could use some outside advice. My DD has a friend who just finished her first year of college. Friend was homeschooled and very sheltered growing up. Friend's parents fight a lot and are talking about getting divorced once friend is finished with college. Friends shares a lot of her problems with DD. It is hard on DD who struggles with anxiety issues and this exacerbates them. A number of months ago DD came to DH and I for advice. Friend was self harming and DD was very worried about her. We helped DD find resources to refer friend to at friend's college. It is free counseling but no diagnosis, just talking. But now summer has hit and friend is home. Home life is stressful and her parents require her to tell her everywhere she is going and make her call them every hour or two to check in while she is out. So her self harming which was getting better is now worse again. I told DD to call her youth pastor and see about the free counseling at our church, so she is going to do that this afternoon. But friend is worried about her parents finding out. They are very anti-counseling and would not allow her to go if they knew. Also, friend is concerned that when she is back at college that if she wants to see an actual therapist or doctor who can diagnose and do more in depth therapy that her parents will find out. I told DD that the law doesn't allow them to let the parents know without consent but friend is worried about the cost and if money is going out her parents will want to know what it is for. I just am out of advice to give. Friend is not a minor, but in a situation that she feels she can't defy her parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Is the friend a minor? Do they go to the church in question? Is the counselor there an actual licensed counselor? I would worry that a church counselor might tell her parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted July 12, 2016 Author Share Posted July 12, 2016 Is the friend a minor? Do they go to the church in question? Is the counselor there an actual licensed counselor? I would worry that a church counselor might tell her parents. Friend is not a minor. She goes to a different church in town. Counselors are trained volunteers working under a professional psychologist. I have used their counseling services in the past and they are very good about confidentiality. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 I think part of the puzzle is finding out whether you're in a state that has good privacy protections wrt health insurance for adult dependents. Perhaps do some poking around here http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/publications-a-z/2324-youth-confidentiality-in-the-affordable-care-actI'd encourage friend to see her family doctor and definitely seek out counselling. Hopefully there will be some low cost options avail. Honestly, I think friend is being abused. This level of control is abusive. Perhaps she can reach out to some women's shelters and seek help through some non profits. When Parents Still Abuse Their Adult Children http://www.alternet.org/personal-health/when-parents-still-abuse-their-adult-children 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted July 12, 2016 Author Share Posted July 12, 2016 Our state has very good privacy laws. My DD has been in therapy as a minor and she was offered consent forms to sign if she wanted us (her parents) to have access to her information. I will ask DD to talk to her friend about the possibility of talking to her doctor, but I think that her friend's fear of her parents finding out will keep her from doing it. Knowing that there are privacy protections and actually trusting them to work are two different things. I am pretty sure that you are right and that some abuse is going on, but I don't think that my DD is able to handle having the tough conversations with her friend and convince her to get help from a shelter. DH and I are also not in a position to really offer advice to friend as we don't really know her well at all. I guess I am hoping that by getting counseling services they will be able to hook her up with the help she needs. I think that sounds horrible of me to pass this off, but really I don't see that I have the relationship to really be of help and she isn't a minor so CPS is not an option I don't think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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