How do you envision your child's future?

[Haiku]

Those of you with kids that have significant learning challenges, how do you envision your child's future?

 

I have a 14 year old daughter. She is in 8th grade at a public school. I homeschooled her in the beginning but her learning challenges proved too great for me to tackle so I put her in school.

 

She is performing on a 2nd-3rd grade level. Her basic math skills are abysmal. She struggles with two-digit addition and subtraction and does not know how to multiply or divide. She can't read well at all. She still sounds out almost every word and reads each word in isolation with a general lack of understanding of what she is reading. Her logic skills are non-existent and she lacks a sophisticated understanding of cause and effect.

 

I'm trying to imagine her life as an adult and I can't really do it. Both my husband and I come from academic families, and I'm trying to imagine a career for my daughter. She is not retarded, so I don't think she would need to work in a sheltered workshop, but I can't really come up with anything that would suit her. She processes things very slowly and has trouble organizing her actions. We have seen a developmental psychologist and he says that she has executive function dysfunction (as well as testing severely learning disabled).

 

I don't mean to sound negative, but I'm just trying and failing to see her functioning independently as an adult.

 

Tara

[Michelle T]

My DS is 12, with severe ADHD, dyscalculia (he's on maybe a 2nd grade level in math), dyspraxia (his fine motor skills were tested to be on a five year olds level) and little ability to comprehend, retain, or use knowledge.

 

I figure when he is 15, we'll really be able to get a better feel for what he is likely to do after school is over. I doubt he will go to college, but vocational school most likely.

Michelle T

[Laurie4b]

What are her strengths? What are her social skills like? What does she enjoy doing?

[amber in GA]

I can't help you much except to say that I understand. My son is 14 and just has a low iq. He sounds about the same as your daughter in math and reading. He also has problems with fine motor skills that make him unable to tie his shoes and write very well.

What does his future hold?

I don't think he'll be able to do vocational school. I have wanted to teach him some specific skill, but have yet to find anything that he can do that will be applicable in the "real world". His skills will probably be limited to grocery bagger, or something similar. This is very hard for me to accept. Although his life will always be of value to me, it hurts me to think that he will not be valued by the world. Will he be able to marry? Will he be able to function independently? It's hard for me to see right now.

 

Does your daughter have any skills that you can work with? Can she follow instructions or think independently?

 

amber

[Haiku]

 

Does your daughter have any skills that you can work with? Can she follow instructions or think independently?

 

 

She can follow very clear instructions if they are repeated many times and she is coached through them a few times.

 

She does think independently but frequently makes odd or illogical conclusions. For example, she once saw a highway running through a neighborhood with a road and houses underneath it. From that she extrapolated that all roads, including our street, have other streets and houses under them. Her problem-solving skills are nill. For example, the other day we drove past a furniture store. She asked me what it was and I told her, and I told her that Daddy and I got our couches there. She was completely unable to come up with a way that we might have gotten the couches to our house considering that they wouldn't fit in our car.

 

She is a friendly girl. Her main strengths are a sense of humor and a willingness to work hard at something she enjoys.

 

Tara

[MicheleB]

I think about this some. My boys are only 8 and 9 right now and have dyseidetic dyslexia. I saw a book at our library along the lines of Jobs for learning impaired kids (dyslexia, etc). I think I will eventually check it out. I think it's from a practical viewpoint.... instead of feeling hopeless about kids who struggle academically, here's how to lead them into vocations where they can succeed.

 

I think honestly, my 9yo will probably end up in some type of farming or animal thing. Dh is a farmer and 9yo already helps him a lot, follows him around, loves it. It helps ease my mind some with him.

 

8yo, I don't know. I'm curious.

[MicheleB]

Learning a Living : a guide to planning your career and finding a job for people with learning disabilities, attention deficit disorder, and dyslexia by Brown, Dale S.

[Laurie4b]

Your daughter's ability to eventually "get" something and work hard at it & get along with others are very key qualities. There is a niche out there that she will fit and where she can be happy.

 

There are some vocational programs that are successful at placing people who have some hurdles to overcome. One model that I'm familiar with works like this: the vocational program secures an entry level job from an employer, offering the employer 100% attendance in exchange for giving the job to the program (as opposed to an individual person). A staff person first comes and learns the job and works it. The staff person then brings along someone needing vocational training and the staff person trains them. They also train a back-up person. The person needing the job gets the advantage of being trained by someone who knows their issues and who can teach them just the way they need to learn it. The program then makes sure that if the person in training can't make the job, that they send a staff person back to do it, or get a back-up person to do it. Gradually, people are able to hold their own jobs. The benefit to the employer is low absenteeism, and they don't have to spend a lot of time doing the training.

 

I wonder if a similar model could be tried by a homeschooling family.

 

I'm thinking there are positions in restaurants, landscaping businesses, and some retail businesses that would be a fit for your dd. If she is attentive to detail and can work fairly fast, people make really good money around here cleaning residences. I"m just trying to brainstorm some options that might fit.

 

We had a foster daughter with similar issues. She is now working her way into being a manager of a fast food restaurant. She has three kids and is happy. There are lots of other people like her; I think it's hard, though, when the parents are academically oriented and the kids are not. It's harder for the parents to figure out the possible choices.

 

Had our foster dd stayed with us more than a couple years, we probably would have needed to switch our social network for her sake. For instance, we attend a church that is racially mixed, but educationally homogenous (pretty much everyone has a college degree or higher). That would have made it difficult for her to find a network of friends and support as she moved toward independence. She would have been the "different one." However, there are other churches where she would fit in fine, and we would have been the "different ones." She moved back to her bio family before we were faced with that decision, but that's what I would be thinking about had she stayed.

[Quiver0f10]

I worry about this too. I also worry that I am either not pushing him enough or pushing him too much. How do I know what he can and cannot do, kwim? How do I know what to expect from him down the road. It's very frustrating for me and I feel like I have no clue what I am doing half the time.

[Renee in NC]

My ds is blessed with an amazing mechanical ability that has him rebuilding small engines and repairing many things at age 10. I have no doubt that he will be able to be successful as a mechanic - he wants to do both diesel and auto mechanics at the community college once he turns 16.

 

I am just going to give him the absolute best education I can between now and then.

[5knights3maidens]

I don't know if this is what you wanted to know but this is what came to mind.

I know she is very special to God. I have known this since the moment she was born. I gave her to the Lord while she lay in her bassinet. It definitely was not easy but I told God that she was his. She has some struggles right now (at age 5) but I know she will do something wonderful. What, I don't know. She will definitely need a (and I pray) very strong husband...In the Lord and otherwise. He needs to be loving and patient also.

[Ottakee]

I have 3 with special needs.

 

My 20ds has an IQ about 55 and fetal alcohol syndrome. He complete a special needs program at the public highschool and is now attending a progrma for young adults with special needs. He works on life skills--banking, cooking, money, time management, laundry, etc. as well as working at various job training locations. Right now he loves his program and is doing well. He will likely always need some support--money and meds mostly but could likely live in a semi independent living arangement. He has a girlfriend and is very active with guys in the neighborhood and his friends.

 

My 13dd has an IQ likely in the 60s. She is reading at an early 2nd grade level and doing early 1st grade math. I am homeschooling her. Likely she will need some help as an adult as well (she has extensive medical needs and takes over 40 pills a day). She LOVES her horse and is very good at doing chores. I could see her working at a barn/stable some day helping with chores, etc.

 

My 11dd has an IQ about 80 and is doing 4th grade work. She likely will be able to be on her own in the future.

 

Does the school offer vocational training? Practical living skills classes? I would start looking at what she needs to live as an adult and transition to those classes/programs. She might need to learn to use a calculator for example to handle basic money skills, etc.

 

I would try to find things that she is good at and enjoys and look at job possiblities in those areas.

[KinderSafari]

Getting along with others is a KEY skill.

 

I see so many people work in our community who struggle in some sort of area, but as long as they are able to get along with others, they seem to have a pretty nice job. Nice as in reliable job.

 

I worry about my son with emotional and behavior problems. He is very smart in science and computer areas, but he can not problem solve, and has an explosive and rude temperament when he runs into a problem with others.

 

We work on behavior questions, solutions, problem solving, character lessons, etc. all the time, and he will do fine when sitting and talking with someone about these problems, but when he's IN that situation, his emotions take over. :(

 

At this moment (he's 13 1/2) I can't see him working in any work environment other than home. Something where his skills could be put to use but he wouldn't have to interact with others. Hopefully. :)

[KinderSafari]

I was also going to say, we have always resisted medication for him - I suppose that's a whole other thread. We just figured as long as he can do well without it, we'll try to keep him unmedicated. We will not be with him every day of his life and can't guarantee he'll always take medicine, so we want him to try to learn things on his own.

 

There have been a few times where we have considered trying it during some especially hard times, but those worse periods ended before we could make a doctor's appt.

 

So I suppose that's another option to try if we get to the working age, and he still has a hard time with others (outside of his controlled home environment).

 

BTW: a little other family info, his 4 other brothers and sisters are fine and get along with others great. :)

[bairnmama]

I haven't read all the posts, but I have a cousin who sounds very similar. He never could master much more than very basic math or reading, would get distracted by everything (somehow managed to get a driver's liscence when the state decided to allow a reader for him and wrecked numerous times), and is emotionally still a 12 yr old at the age of 30. He just doesn't understand many concepts of social interaction and tends to take everything that is said quite literally. However, he holds down a job as a ranch hand and lives in the bunkhouse with several others. He's not technically "on his own", yet does live away from home and is responsible for getting up, getting to work, assisting with meals, housekeeping, etc. He loves what he does and travels with the guys to help with rodeos and other such things that come up. He's been doing this for over 5 yrs now and everyone couldn't be happier. Watching my aunt and uncle worry and question if they would be providing for him the rest of his life taught me a few things:

 

1) it may take them a little longer to find their niche, but there will always be at least one thing that any child can excell at

2) you can't arrange someone else's life for them according to your goals

3) you can have fulfillment in life w/o a "career" or any higher education

 

HTH