creekland Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Everyone's line is different, and I think we'd all do better to respect that. I think respect for different choices is what my posts have been all about... and what we're not seeing in many of the posts on this thread. The "cutting out of lives" bit came from one poster (not the OP) who said she cut relatives out because they didn't attend her wedding/baby showers over a decade ago and she remains hurt by it. Without anything else written/known that just seems awfully extreme to me, but if it's what she wants to do - so be it. I think it's good on a message board for readers to know not all of us share her feelings - just as it's good to know not all of us share the OP's reasons to fume either. Message boards are for us all to see the differences in lives/people. We take from it what applies/appeals to us and ditch the rest. We don't all have to come to one agreement about one way being right in the vast majority of posts. This thread is one of them. Mentioning different opinions or ways of doing things is not a blanket condemnation. It just shows alternatives for choices in case anyone wants to consider them. If not, no hard feelings. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I think respect for different choices is what my posts have been all about... and what we're not seeing in many of the posts on this thread. The "cutting out of lives" bit came from one poster (not the OP) who said she cut relatives out because they didn't attend her wedding/baby showers over a decade ago and she remains hurt by it. Without anything else written/known that just seems awfully extreme to me, but if it's what she wants to do - so be it. I think it's good on a message board for readers to know not all of us share her feelings - just as it's good to know not all of us share the OP's reasons to fume either. Message boards are for us all to see the differences in lives/people. We take from it what applies/appeals to us and ditch the rest. We don't all have to come to one agreement about one way being right in the vast majority of posts. This thread is one of them. Mentioning different opinions or ways of doing things is not a blanket condemnation. It just shows alternatives for choices in case anyone wants to consider them. If not, no hard feelings. I absolutely agree with this. It's just some of your posts came across as a little judgy, in my opinion. I don't think you meant it that way, I was just pointing out how those of us who have had to make that very difficult decision may be taking it. I could be the only one taking it that way, I don't know. I was assuming, maybe wrongly so, that there was more to those stories. Holding a grudge over things is not healthy, and I agree that cutting someone out over one or two slights or declined invitations may be on the extreme side. I was more taking issue to your implication that just because you share genes with someone makes it inappropriate to cut them off. If genes could have saved my relationships I would still have them. I'm in the midst of a total estrangement with one parent and setting up serious (healthy) boundaries with another. We have mental illness and substance abuse issues coming to a head at the moment, after a lifetime of neglect and abuse that I always "forgave" because "well, they're my parents," so I'm probably way more sensitive than normal about this, and for that I apologize. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Sorry. I know it's morning, but you have me confused a bit. I don't see where I'm applying my standards/culture to anyone else, nor was I replying to the OP as evidenced by my quote. I was taking that quote (which is a rabbit trail, but that happens on message boards) and musing a bit based upon how my life has gone. It's very tough for me to imagine a situation where I'd cut any family out of my life, and the only ones that come up are quite severe (physical abuse, etc). I don't have as close of a relationship with my dad as I do with my mom, but I can't envision cutting him out of my life. I can't imagine telling hubby we had to cut his folks out of our lives either. What they do does nothing to ruin our lives. YMMV That's the thing. Most people don't. You're pointing it out to people all over the place in this thread but can't see it in your own opinion. I believe you that you can't imagine cutting off family. Be thankful for that instead of making statements that show that you think cutt-off worthy events rarely happen. They happen a lot. It isn't a rare event. Posts like yours enable them to continue because everything can be excused with "it's family". 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Please quit making this thread nasty and picking on Creekland for goodness sake. What has anyone said that is nasty? No one is picking on anyone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Please quit making this thread nasty and picking on Creekland for goodness sake. I haven't made anything nasty. How rude! I'm not picking on anyone. I'm having a disagreement with creekland. I'm not sure why that makes you uncomfortable. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I'm in the midst of a total estrangement with one parent and setting up serious (healthy) boundaries with another. We have mental illness and substance abuse issues coming to a head at the moment, after a lifetime of neglect and abuse that I always "forgave" because "well, they're my parents," so I'm probably way more sensitive than normal about this, and for that I apologize. No apology necessary. I think the more some of this gets explained by being written out, more people can see the differences in situations and optional reactions. The more options they see, the better they might be able to pick out what's best for their situation if necessary. Short little posts rarely convey all meaning behind them. We all read through our own lens because that's what our experiences are. It's tough to write something that covers every single possible situation. I actually like seeing differences of thought/experiences (like with the OPs post and responses) as it can help me relate better to a wider group of students at school - and in some of those situations (at school) - there are definite valid reasons for breaking off relationships totally. If I were to post them online - even in a poll - I suspect we'd have 100% agreement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.