Dh wants to send dc back to ps!

[Mx5]

And, I fear, some irreparable harm has been done to our marriage.

 

I don't know you, but I can tell you that who you are as a person is so much more than just a homeschooler. You will always be the kids' mom, regardless of how they are educated. You will teach them by living life with them - whether that means they learn academics from you or a school doesn't change the fact that your life's service to them will not be for nothing, nor will it be diminished by you not homeschooling for a time.

 

You probably made a covenant before God to be your husband's wife, too, right? He will still be your husband long after the kids have moved away. So I urge you to not allow this difficult time to be a defining moment in your marriage. Get on the meds, put the kids in school, and take time to heal up in heart and soul. All is not lost - it's just a temporary detour.

 

You are Sue. Not homeschooling Sue. You have value in who you are because you are, know what I mean? And you are worth so much to the hearts of your kids and husband.

[Mrs Mungo]

Ok, I'm going to toss something out to y'all who've never been sick enough to have this happen. The dh WOULDN'T have decided unilaterally if she had been in a position emotionally, spiritually, physically, or anything else to take what he was saying. He has probably tried a lot of different ways and said a lot of things and nothing has changed. No man makes that unilateral a decision unless he's at his most frustrated.

 

I couldn't possibly disagree more with the bolded statement. I've seen it happen when it wasn't warranted *at all* and for a variety of reasons.

 

As I said, we all see these things through the lens of our own experience. You're seeing it through yours and I'm seeing it through mine.

 

I don't know Sue. I don't know her husband or her kids. Does she have a lot on her plate? Yes. Are there are lot of aspects of this we're not aware of? YES, I'm sure there are.

 

Personally, if this were me (and I am not Sue, I don't have an issue with ppd, I don't have a new baby, I don't have 7 kids, etc) I would seek a family counselor. I know one of our former pastors often recommended hsing-friendly family counselors to families. *I* would not feel comfortable working through this with a counselor who was willing to ambush me in the manner explained in the initial post.

[Starr]

You are in my prayers. While I don't live your situation I do know a few other women who have had similar situations and sending their children to ps would been worse for them. Get all the help you can and make your plans together. I pray you are feeling a little better all the time! :grouphug:

[Lovedtodeath]

Just to follow up on this thyroid thing some more, I would call them and have them tell you or fax you what the results of the labs were. There are more detailed tests he can run, and he may not have run them. Then you can get on manufacturer websites for the various thyroid meds (armour, westthroid,etc.) and find a doc. My thyroid crashed with dd post-partum (9 years ago), so that's definitely something to follow up on if you think it's the problem. And if it's beeen happening every time, it almost begs the question of whether you have been needing thyroid meds the whole time, not just post-partum. In any case, I'd fight harder on that. Or go to the health food store and get kelp capsules.

 

So I don't play bad cop any more. I don't discipline, make her do anything, or anything else. I simply remind her that dh is going to come home and deal with it, and I mean DEAL with it. It takes a family pow-wow that says right now mom is the weak one and anything she says goes, even if she can't enforce it. Then you bark less and HE barks more.

 

while fighting for thyroid meds. (or kelp, buy kelp!! and eat 3 cups of real salad daily!) Maybe you can have it turned around by then.

 

Drrind.com has great thyroid information including this: http://drrind.com/tempgraph.asp#intro My doc uses this temperature graphing instead of blood tests. You can legally purchase a one month supply of thyroid hormone without an Rx here.

 

My DH does handwriting with DD because she fights me on it. He is also responsible for cleaning the kitchen. These are recent developments. We used to fight about my responsibilities (because I can't handle them all). Just wanted to put the info out there that a normal hardworking provider who is most definitely head of his house is willing to step in. :)

 

HTH

[Sue G in PA]

Sue, I think you're missing the point. When you feel WELL again and are over the ppd, you might be able to handle these issues better. A woman CAN parent and discipline even if the dh never participates or even undermines. My dad was gone all the time in the Navy and my mother managed. A woman can do anything WHEN SHE FEELS WELL. When you're not feeling well, not strong, low in energy, for whatever reason, it's a whole lot harder.

 

Today is Wed. Shock your dh and do what he says. Register the kids, send them on Monday morning, and find a doctor to treat you. Thyroid meds are not the same as antidepressants, and you can take them while nursing, no qualms at all. If you don't want to take an antidepressant, then consult with a practitioner who uses herbs.

 

The baby can wake up earlier. That's just an excuse.

 

You've got to get YOURSELF stronger so you can get everything else in line. Then it won't matter if your dh "steps up to the plate" or not. LOTS of women have husbands who don't participate. That's an excuse.

 

When your dh has told you what to do, there is no "praying about it", only doing it. Sorry.

 

I'm not meaning to be harsh, but I'm telling you the truth. None of the excuses stand and you need to just do what your dh says. You're probably not seeing things as clearly as you think you are, and I've been there, so I can say that.

 

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "I'm missing the point"? As for thyroid, it is treated. I've been on some sort of thyroid replacement since 2001. I take Levoxyl right now. My last test results of TSH were very LOW...indicating that I was on too high a dosage and could be the reason for my insomnia. HyPER thyroid does things to you body, too. So, now I'm on a lower dose. We'll see where that takes us. Working on the anti-depressants. Difficult when I'm in the midst of a primary care switch, etc. Not an excuse...just a reality. I'll work it out.

 

I'm not one to make life-altering decisions in low tide. And this is LOW tide. Some might think I can't see past my "fog", ppd, depressions, whatever to know what is best right now. Well, yes and no. I'm not going to make a decision right now and if my dh goes behind my back to do it...that's his thing. That'll be another issue to deal with, but we'll deal with it. I doubt he'll do it. I've ready on to the end of the posts...am off to bed...but wanted to say thanks again...to everyone. Elizabeth...thanks for your bluntness and I sure hope that baby comes tomorrow! Karen (momof7), you know I ALWAYS appreciate your honesty and bluntness. You know me better than some of my IRL friends. I'll post more tomorrow but I'm tired and think I'll take advantage of that and get some sleep.