My 4 year old will NOT potty train!!

[Jzsnow]

I'm so desperate and in tears.

My 4 (july bday) year old will not potty train. We've tried since he was 3 and stop and retry every few months, like the ped said. Well, yesterday we decided to just make him wear his underwear and sit on the potty every 30 minutes. He did fine sitting, but did not pee. We went to bed, left him in undies thinking he'd pee on himself and not be happy about it. Well, here it is, 14 hours later, and he still hasn't peed. Finally we put a diaper on him. 14 hours is too long for him to not pee....and i know he has to. I know he knows he has to. He's hurting he has to pee so bad...but his pure strong will and determination stops him. I've lost this battle yet again. I honestly didn't think it was possible to hold pee in your sleep for that long!!

Please help me. He's a normal kid...no autism, aspergers, or anything like that. Just a very strong willed child. But come on...he's 4 and not trained. I've done everything.....HELP!!

 

Jessica

[TraceyS/FL]

:grouphug:

 

Did you put him in the bathtub? or shower? that might have made him pee.

 

If he can hold it for that long - and is still drinking liquid, i'd probably be talking to the doctor. My middle one was 3.5 and she just decided one day it was time (2 weeks before flying across country no less :glare:).

 

Does he have ANY "currency" you can use? Mine (youngest) pee'd for 2 mini M&M's! LOL!!!

 

More :grouphug:

[Jzsnow]

no currency. I told him when he pees in the potty, even just 1 time for now, he would get a new movie or train (he loves them both) and he told me he didn't want a new thing.

 

Pedi says to keep trying, then she says to wait longer...so confusing. He can outlast me though. I don't want to cause internal problems, and I don't know when that point comes, ya know?

[Trivium Academy]

I would let it go at this point. He might feel pressured. Is Dad helping with this at all? I tried to potty train ds4 when he was 2 turning 3 and it didn't work out b/c he refused. When I noticed a few telltale signs he was ready including a dry pull-up overnight, I got him Spiderman and other character underwear. I put it on him and we did the 30 minute timer thing. He backslid at first so I put the pull-ups back on and I let him wear pull-ups until there was none in the house and we didn't buy anymore. We eliminated that choice for him and us.

 

Once he realized there wasn't any pull-ups, he wore the underwear. He had accidents and I thought he would NEVER poop in the toilet, sigh. But he did and now he is 100% in underwear, no accidents and doing his business on his own. I didn't bribe (dh did at times), although I did praise but Dh helped by making it seem like a BIG boy thing to do.

 

Oh and we washed off in the tub when he had an accident, cold water only was the trick (I think) that made him start pooping in the toilet instead of his pants.

 

Each child is different so I don't know if this will help but I'd give it a rest for right now and try in a few weeks. I think it's important to have a positive attitude and not pressure the child to perform, make it be a rite of passage. :) I hope this helps.

[muffinmom]

Oh, I know what you mean. My ds didn't potty train until a couple of months before his 4th birthday. His dr. said I should leave him alone--that he was the kind of personality that just had to make up his mind and that he wouldn't until he did!

 

In the meantime, a friend recommended this DVD http://pottytrainingsolutions.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=190

called Potty Power. I showed it to ds and that very night, I heard the toilet flush, and he had just gone to the potty and said he didn't want to wear diapers anymore! It was almost bedtime and I was panicking thinking he wouldn't be dry overnight, because the boy finally wanted to wear underwear. But lo and behold he went without any accidents for 6 weeks--even overnight!

 

I love the DVD because it explains everything they need to know in a kid sort of way (with songs) and the kid can really decide for himself. It's so much better if they don't think you are coercing them to do this!

 

Good luck! (I think you can also buy this on Amazon!)

[FriedClams]

We did Rosemond's $75 and a week method. You can google it. Basically we put them in panties, without exception, for a week. By the end of the week both kids were solidly trained (the $75 is for carpet cleaning at week's end). For the first few days I took them to the potty every 1/2 hour (they were young, so your times may be different), then every hour the next day and by day 3 we made it through WalMart in panties. We also used M&Ms as a treat when the kids used the potty as reinforcement. For me, I just had to commit to this being the focus of our lives for 4 full days. You may have to stick with it longer since your child is older and it will be a harder habit to retrain than with a younger kid. It worked great for us and our kids have had no issues with the potty since. ETA We stuck with a really positive tone throughout the days, and when they had an accident we went to the potty, sat there and tried for more, and then cleaned up with little fanfare.

[clwcain]

Our 5yo still refuses to potty train. He can go when he wants to, but even bribery hasn't worked. Meh. It's not been an issue or an inconvenience thus far, and it guarantees him some attention from Mom.

 

He'll get with the program eventually. But I have a very laissez-faire attitude to the whole affair.

 

YMMV, HTH, etc. ;)

[cathmom]

I would just relax. My son just started using the potty this summer and he will be 5 next week. Hey, some kids have to be on the other side of the bell curve, don't they? :)

 

:grouphug:

[3lilreds in NC]

I have not had to do this yet, but I'm wondering if I will be walking a difficult road with Schmooey, so I've been :lurk5: on these potty training threads.

 

Someone else mentioned that they make their child responsible for cleaning himself up. They get to change their own clothes and put them in the washer and everything. Now, obviously there is still quite a lot of parental involvement because you're still going to have to stop and supervise, but it seems like a kid would quickly tire of being made to deal with his own mess. And, if you make him clean it off the floor, so much the better. Make *him* stand on the rag towel to soak up the pee (or whatever you do). I like the idea of cleaning up after poo with only cold water, too.

 

I had not heard of Rosemond's $75 and a week thing, but I'd be willing to go there. Of course, remind me of that when I start this process with the Snort and it doesn't go as planned, LOL!

[danielle]

Here's what we did--I suppose anything might be worth a try at this point?

 

We had tried that book "Toilet Training in a Day" when dd was about 2 and it DID NOT work. So I put the diapers back on and gave up. However, when nearly 3 rolled around, I decided that I was just plain sick of changing them. I sat her down and nicely told her that since she was big enough to eat by herself, she was big enough to take care of her own diapers. She could continue to pee and poop in her diapers, but I imagined that that would be kinda stinky and itchy, but it was up to her. But from now on, she would need to change them herself. I showed her where the diapers were, and where she should throw them.

 

Then I mentioned that I thought that would be a lot of work. Maybe she would like to consider using the toilet like all the bigger kids did. Then I reassured her that it was all up to her. It was a good exercise for me, too, in setting limits.

 

She immediately requested training pants. She never pooped again except in the toilet. She had 2 pee accidents in 2 weeks in the training pants, then never again. (Couldn't tear herself away from something interesting)

 

I don't know if this will work for anyone else, but with dd, calling on her to act at the edge of her competence has worked ever since.

 

Good luck.:001_smile:

Danielle

[hsmamainva]

Oh, I know what you mean. My ds didn't potty train until a couple of months before his 4th birthday. His dr. said I should leave him alone--that he was the kind of personality that just had to make up his mind and that he wouldn't until he did!

 

In the meantime, a friend recommended this DVD http://pottytrainingsolutions.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=190

called Potty Power. I showed it to ds and that very night, I heard the toilet flush, and he had just gone to the potty and said he didn't want to wear diapers anymore! It was almost bedtime and I was panicking thinking he wouldn't be dry overnight, because the boy finally wanted to wear underwear. But lo and behold he went without any accidents for 6 weeks--even overnight!

 

I love the DVD because it explains everything they need to know in a kid sort of way (with songs) and the kid can really decide for himself. It's so much better if they don't think you are coercing them to do this!

 

Good luck! (I think you can also buy this on Amazon!)

 

Thanks for the suggestion!!! I just bought one on Amazon with 2 day shipping for under $20!!! (My 6yo has autism and isn't potty trained -- I'm willing to give the DVD a try!)

[Mandamom]

no currency. I told him when he pees in the potty, even just 1 time for now, he would get a new movie or train (he loves them both) and he told me he didn't want a new thing.

 

Pedi says to keep trying, then she says to wait longer...so confusing. He can outlast me though. I don't want to cause internal problems, and I don't know when that point comes, ya know?

 

My now 8 year old did the same exact thing at 4 years old. I had no choice but to homeschool her for K (I was still homeschooling her older brother then) because the school wouldn't take her because she wasn't potty trained. She also was unbribable -- wanted diapers more than anything I could offer. I would take away the diapers and she would hold it and hold and hold and hold while crying and screaming because it hurt so much but she still wouldn't go. I finally had to give her the diapers back. She had NEVER had an accident at all, in other words, until she was finally trained she NEVER peed outside of her diapers. (My younger two would have accidents between 1 and 2 and I now see that as a good thing).

 

 

At 5.5 I finally decided that we were done with diapers (her younger sister was done). So, in January after she turned 5 (and one month before her younger brother was born) we sat down and told her we were done with diapers. So, we took the diapers away. Then when it was time to go, we would go sit on the potty and I would have to sit on the floor and wrap my arms around her until she went. She would still hold urine until she had bladder spasms but she finally started going in the toilet. (I took her to the doc one time to test for a UTI but it was bladder spasms that were causing the pain). We were also doing poop training the same way -- having her sit on the potty while she was crying and we would sit there on the floor and just hold her until she was done. Within two weeks she was able to do it on her own.

 

She never did have an accident before or after she was potty trained. The method we used was not one that I had ever considered especially since I tend toward Attachment Parenting (co-sleeping, extended nursing, etc.) but we didn't know what else to do. She still remembers being in diapers and she remembers the difficulty using the potty but she isn't traumatized and is perfectly fine.

 

I hope you find something that works.