OK everybody, share your best behavioral tools

[muffinmom]

A few kind souls have shared a few great solutions with me on another thread, but I bet the hive at large is brimming with ideas.

 

I'm looking for some kind of approach (preferably visual) that will address attitude, dawdling, arguing and such but could also reward good attitude, quick work, and overall good behavior during school.

 

:bigear:

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

This may not work for everyone, and some may have problems with it, but I pay our dc. Yes, I pay them. School is their job. Keep in mind as I relay this, that this is our 1st year of hs....I may look back in a couple of years and say "what was I thinking?!" I thought it up after the 1st week of He**ish whining/attitude/fighting (and that was just me!).

At the beginning of the week both boys get 10 clothes pins I've decorated with his name. I clip them to their desks. Every time I hear a whine, a fight breaks out, misbehavior happens, I take a clip. If the behavior doesn't stop, I take another clip. I don't say anything. They know the rules. At the end of the week, I pay them $1 for each clip they have managed to save. This morning I see that ds8 has 5 and ds6 has 3 (this is our 2nd week of this system and last week they each only got $1).

This works for us because my boys are very into saving money to get what they want since their mean mom never buys them anything. ds8 is currently trying to save up to buy more model trains, ds6 is saving up to get a kids meal at Burger King. dd gets a few clips too, since she schools with us 2 days a week...she's saving for a PollyPocket doll.

I realize this system may backfire on me if my dc start behaving and I actually have to shell out $20 per week, but frankly I really don't see that happening! If it does, maybe we'll have to open savings accounts!

Also, my husband and I have agreed that this system has no carryover into family life. Misbehavior outside of the schoolroom is managed differently.

[hsmamainva]

For my kids, the best reward is finishing early and being able to do what they want for the rest of the day.

 

Another bonus in our family is that dad works from home and at least once a week, he has to go out in the afternoon into the 'city', which is 30 miles away and he'll come in and ask who's finished with school. Whoever says "yes" can go with Dad and that usually means at least a trip to their favorite fast food restaurant, and it also means driving right past Wal-Mart (we don't have any shopping here where we live). So they always want to be ready to go with Dad!

 

And, my kids love praise!! I know it sounds cheesy, but they love those pats on the back and encouraging smiles. :)

[Trivium Academy]

I'm looking for some kind of approach (preferably visual) that will address attitude, dawdling, arguing and such but could also reward good attitude, quick work, and overall good behavior during school.

 

:bigear:

 

Attitude- We're still working on this, this job is never done but I address it immediately whenever it rears its ugly head and model for the kids how I would like them to communicate or react.

 

Dawdling- Shorter lessons, using a timer and being consistent has worked here. Often I dangle a fun activity after the current task is completed. I alternate focuses during our lessons, to keep their attention so we don't have too much seatwork or read-aloud time back-to-back.

 

If using shorter lessons and a timer does not work (sometimes it doesn't) then I put the work away and do something else to bring it back out after another subject has been done. I used to stop our day to make sure work in one subject was done but it's not worth it in the long run- I learned that after have an 12 hour day of procrastination with math. Sigh.

 

Arguing- With me? Instant correction with training on how to communicate respectfully, most of the time this involves a time-out. I say, "The way you are speaking to be is unacceptable. I want to you to think about how to say what you wish and come back to me with an apology and a re-try." This is for dd8, with ds4 I model what he's to say and have him apologize.

 

Good attitude, quick but thorough work- gets hugs, high-fives, stickers (dd8 loves stickers) and praise.

 

A visual way to deal with all of this is to put the behaviors on a chart:

 

I speak respectfully..........then have a Smiley Face/Frown face to monitor

I use time wisely..........then have a Smiley Face/Frown face to monitor

 

This idea is in The No-Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, she says to have the kids switch from happy face to frown face as their behavior dictates and at the end of the day talk about the problems that occurred. I like this, it's an excellent way for Dad to visually see how the day went and what to address and you don't have to keep a longer chart with tons of stickers.

 

Pantley says to work on a few things at a time, 2-3 behaviors that you want addressed and to be consistent about correction and training.

 

I hope this helps.

 

Wanted to add that when I say correction does not involve punishment, we offer our children choices with explanations of the consequences. It's working for us and we're a happier household. I hope you find the right tools for your family. :)

[Kathleen in VA]

For the most part, my children are motivated to get school done with a good attitude because they can't wait to get outside to play. If I need an extra push for some reason (it's raining or too hot to go out) I casually mention that as soon as they are done we can play a game or watch a video or something like that. They also know that if they give me a lot of grief during school time they will not get what they want - they will be asked to help me around the house for at least a half hour after school is over. If their attitude changes during that time, off they go. If it doesn't they just keep helping.

 

I also won't let them have their snack or lunch until they finish a certain amount of work. Let's say ds12 is dawdling through a page of math. He often will say around mid-morning that he is hungry. I will just require that the page be finished before he can have the snack. He isn't always happy about it, but I just ignore his facial expressions and say, "As soon as you're done you can eat." Works like a charm.

 

I guess the idea is to always have some kind of short-term carrot to stick out in front of them. When my oldest were going through high school I used the same tactic only with larger penalties and rewards. (I wouldn't let my boys go to their Civil Air Patrol meeting if they hadn't finished their schoolwork.)

[Melanie]

We do not have lunch until all school work is finished (all skill areas, that is - math, grammar, and Latin) and once it hits 1:30, we've missed the lunch window. I make really good lunches, so nobody wants to miss out. :D

 

We don't have much in the way of attitude problems. I'd like to say it's because I am a terrific parent, but I think my kids are just naturally good natured and laid back. It just about kills my mother. :lol:

[Remudamom]

My kids don't have any special issues (except for the fact that they happen to have me for a mother), but I never used gimics or rewards. We just went with the natural consequences of the thing. If you don't dawdle and you get your work done then you have free time to do with as you wish.

 

No one pays me to do my work, but we all benefit from it just the same. Just like the whole family will benefit from children with decent attitudes and a good work ethic.

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

We don't have much in the way of attitude problems. I'd like to say it's because I am a terrific parent, but I think my kids are just naturally good natured and laid back. It just about kills my mother. :lol:

 

Hey, go ahead and say its because you're a terrific mother!

[VaKim]

Along with all the other ideas here, I think to some extent, providing you are correcting bad behavior consistently, it just comes with time. I see your oldest is only 6. I think it just takes some kids time to realize that you are going to do what you are going to do, every school day, so they might as well get used to it and do what has to be done. My oldest dd was always perfect. :D But my youngest was an awful dawdler and complainer until just this year. She finally figured out that it was easier to just do what had to be done, and get it over with. And just more recently, she is even starting to enjoy some of it. :001_smile:

[muffinmom]

Along with all the other ideas here, I think to some extent, providing you are correcting bad behavior consistently, it just comes with time. I see your oldest is only 6. I think it just takes some kids time to realize that you are going to do what you are going to do, every school day, so they might as well get used to it and do what has to be done. My oldest dd was always perfect. :D But my youngest was an awful dawdler and complainer until just this year. She finally figured out that it was easier to just do what had to be done, and get it over with. And just more recently, she is even starting to enjoy some of it. :001_smile:

 

Here's hoping...I have seem some improvement in the last two weeks. I think ds thinks he's the only 6-year-old in the country who isn't allowed to play nonstop from dawn till dusk! He tells me how "horrible" his days are--the drama is quite amusing (though I don't let him know that!). I'm trying to counter these wailings with truth and then try to re-frame the situation. But he's the kind of kid that would really respond to a system and something visual by which to gauge his behavior. That would be "proof" to him that his days are not really that "horrible" after all.

 

The funny thing is, he likes a lot of what we do in school, but he's a glass-is-half-empty kind of kid, so he quickly forgets the good and focuses on the negative. Ummm...sort of like his mom!:o

 

Thanks for all your ideas!

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

Here's hoping... I think ds thinks he's the only 6-year-old in the country who isn't allowed to play nonstop from dawn till dusk! He tells me how "horrible" his days are-

 

There is a regional contest for Meanest Mom....perhaps you should compete. I'm in the running for the trophy here in the Midwest:001_smile:

[muffinmom]

There is a regional contest for Meanest Mom....perhaps you should compete. I'm in the running for the trophy here in the Midwest:001_smile:

 

 

I'll take the Southern title!

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

I'll take the Southern title!

It is a long contest....you get the trophy when last dc turns 18. I'm pretty sure its gold but don't know what is on top.

I made up this contest to counter my dc when they say somebody else gets this or that or gets to do thus and such and whyyyy caaannn't weee? I think they're half convinced it is a real contest, especially since my best neighborfriend has joined the contest!