Need for downtime

[bakpak]

I didn't want to take over another thread, but it got me to wondering....

 

If your AL child needed lots of quiet, contemplative downtime when they were young, did this continue as they got older, or did they grow out of it? Were they able to add in more EC activities as they matured, or did their ideal activity level stay fairly constant? I'm guessing this might be a personality trait that doesn't change too much despite age, but I'm happy to be proven wrong. It could certainly be developmental too I guess.

 

I just found this a topic I was curious about and thought it might be interesting to others as well. I'm getting the feeling I'm more of a joiner than my daughter is, and maybe I need to accept that now while she's still young ;)

[Arcadia]

DS10 still needs the same amount of quiet downtime more or less. He is kind of ambivert like me so we don't have a issue with activities. He actually tends to take a leadership role with other kids (strangers). He like activities that are lots more doing (mental and hands on) than talking. He likes golf, gym and swim as PE and that is quiet downtime to him because no talking required.

 

ETA:

His downtime is more of not having to interact with other people. He can have downtime surrounded by strangers at a bookstore.

[Donna]

My dd seems to need about the same about of "downtime"…I don't know that she is ever quiet and contemplative. She is always "doing" something whether it is messing around with her instruments or looking up craft ideas to then make (decorating her room and making things are her "for fun" activities). She likes to be on the go and be around other people but she also likes time at home now and then. 

 

I tend to need some time to sit and read and always have. I get exhausted if around people all the time. I am definitely an introvert and dd came out smack in the middle of the introvert/extrovert scale when tested.

[Dmmetler]

DD needs the same amount of downtime, but is better able to put it off and function without it for a longer period of time as she gets older. She's also better able to get downtime around other people-so where last year, my DD needed to go back to the hotel room when she'd had multiple sessions and needed a break, this year, she was able to grab a chair in the student union, sit down and read or play a game on her iPod and drink something, and recover. i think that's something she's developed by being on the college setting for big chunks of time-that ability to recharge in short breaks.

[FairProspects]

DD needs the same amount of downtime, but is better able to put it off and function without it for a longer period of time as she gets older. She's also better able to get downtime around other people-so where last year, my DD needed to go back to the hotel room when she'd had multiple sessions and needed a break, this year, she was able to grab a chair in the student union, sit down and read or play a game on her iPod and drink something, and recover. i think that's something she's developed by being on the college setting for big chunks of time-that ability to recharge in short breaks.

 

Yes, this. As ds gets older, he is much better able to manage his needs for quiet space or find some in a corner next to a classroom, etc. Particularly if he is interested, engaged, and challenged in the activity, he would rather work through the classes and then take downtime at the end of the day.

[Tanikit]

Mine appears to have had no need for downtime as a tot (no naps, no quiet play alone, just constantly wanting attention and a space to air her views and thoughts) and this is the first year (she is nearly 8 now) that she has needed some space and time to herself - she has spent the last while writing everything down in a journal and hides in her room to accomplish this. Even reading she did with people around - while driving in the car or standing on her head with someone else in the room.

 

I think her personality dictates the need to be with people almost constantly, and I suspect as she grows older that, like I did as a child, she will bring her journal or books into the same room as someone else where there is company, but she can still have downtime and be busy with her own ideas. I am an introvert and need quiet time and time to read, but I still prefer to do so in the company of others who are also quiet or just getting on with their own things.

[deerforest]

DD didn't like naps when she was little because she didn't want to miss anything. She still really loves to be around DH and me. But she also was always overwhelmed by a lot of people or too many activities. However, I think she needs less down time than she did. But, I think it's because now the only extra curricular activities she does are ones that she loves. She's found her own rhythms, and it's not just me choosing things for her to try. So, even when she is physically exerting herself in some classes, it is extremely peaceful to her soul because she is with "her people."

 

She is also one of the most self-assured kids in regards to knowing what she needs. At sleep away camp she said hardly anyone brought books with them, and she said that the other kids said she read a lot. But, it's an easy way for her to pull into herself a bit to recharge amongst the chaos (imagine 84 10-18 year-old talented circus kids--no lack of extroverted energy!). She said she didn't care if anyone said anything, and she really doesn't. She knew what she needed, and she was able to give it to herself, regardless what anyone thought. 

 

When DD was 6, I never would have guessed she would go to sleep away camp for 2 weeks when she was 10. It was not even a bleep on our radar; she changed so very much in those 4 years because she found her tribe.

[quark]

Define downtime! :D

 

Kiddo as a youngster: constantly talking when not otherwise engaged, bouncing off sofa and walls (it seemed quieter then because our floors were carpeted) with book or origami paper in hand, in need of a lot of stimulation but also quiet time to read, and in need of people time.

 

Kiddo now older (almost 13): still constantly talking (unfortunately when I am engaged in something else), still occasionally bouncing off sofa and laminate floor with book in hand (but less time for origami) and actually closing his door to his room now for privacy and time off for himself (this is so weird and I am still not used to it). Doesn't seem to want much people time with others except a couple of closest friends. Still needs a lot of downtime to read but it's harder and harder to fit in when his semesters are so busy. I feel as if he needs more time off on his own (hard because it's always just the two of us at home in the daytime) and I don't wish to intrude upon that but I also don't want to let all of our together time go so I am trying to find small pockets where we can share things we love. It might just be the tween-teenage transition stage.

[bakpak]

My DD has always done a fair bit of finding her own downtime when she needs it. I remember loud Christmas parties where I found her in a stranger's bedroom reading books off their shelves, happy as a clam. This Saturday we had 2 large family events (shyness came back after a year??! I wasn't prepared!), then listened to a book on the drive back, and I dropped her off at her best friend's house for a sleepover. I think having auditory input the whole way home was the wrong choice, because within 5 min of being at her friend's house she announced that she didn't want to help make the pizzas, she wanted to go outside and have some quiet time. I'm glad she can advocate for herself. Of course, she and her friend get in fights about it sometimes, as her friend's feelings get hurt that DD needs some alone time, and her friend's lack of empathy (in so many ways) is baffling and hurtful to my highly empathetic daughter.

 

Quark - my DD is already closing her door and putting up signs that I have to knock first!!

[bakpak]

Thanks everyone! Seems like need for downtime doesn't change too much, but how they manage that need may vary as they mature. Glad my DD already self-regulates quite a bit on that front, as she needs more than most kids her age. More sleep, more downtime, more snuggles, more input... Busy brain and busy emotions!!

[sportsmom]

This got me to thinking about my DS in a way I hadn't before.

 

He's always been what I referred to as independent.  He has never needed anyone else to entertain him or much interaction with others.  Even as a small child (2-3) he would happily play in another room for hours at a time.  Now that he's older, he enjoys more interaction with others, and doesn't seem to have frustrations if he's engaged with others for an extended period of time (i.e. sleepovers, week long camps, etc.).

 

But I do notice that when he returns from activities where he has been "on" for a longer time period, when he gets home, he is crankier than usual and needs time alone to read or disengage from others for awhile.  

 

It's almost like he handles situations with no downtime well, because he knows when he will be able to get his downtime and can wait until then to get the time he needs.  We've never had a situation where he hasn't known when he will be able to get home and disengage.