I'm not sure I can do this. . .

[Kidlit]

I WANT to homeschool. I really, really do. I am a product of the ps that worked fairly well for me. I graduated at the top of my class (as did my dh) and even went on to teach school (ditto for dh). However, I do believe that school has changed even since I was a child, especially with the emphasis in my state on standardized tests. I won't even mention the societal changes that I'm not crazy about. I love the IDEA of homeschooling. It makes me happy to teach, and I love my children more than life itself.

 

Now, here come the BUTs. . .

 

First, I just don't know that I have the patience day in and day out to deal with my children in a positive way. Yes, I am a SAHM, and no, my children have never been to daycare or even a mothers-day-out program, so I guess you could say that I deal with them in a (mostly) positive way on a daily basis already, but it wears me out. I don't know that I can do it for the long haul.

 

Second, my 4 year old dd seems to really want to go to school. She mentions it occassionally on her own. I know that for some homeschoolers this is a non-issue, and in the grand scheme of things, I suppose it is for me, too. However, when I'm already feeling so unsure of this decision, it's hard to think of denying her something that she thinks she wants to do.

 

Okay, I'm sorry for this ramble. It's been a difficult day around here, and I'm feeling the pressure. I know I cannot do any of this on my own. Anyone have any words of wisdon/encouragement for me?:bigear:

[jail warden]

I don't know if this will come as encouragement or not.:001_smile: However, I've been at this since preschool(going on 5 years now) and I continue to wonder, "Can I do this?"

 

For me, it's nice to know each day and school year starts fresh. They do mature and we are all growing closer all the time. My oldest has matured greatly since last year and it's made a huge difference.

 

I also am not a patient person, however, this is an area that I have grown greatly in. I don't know if you are a Christian or not, but God has led me in so many ways to grow in patience. I'm still learning daily and will until the day He calls me home!

 

So all I can tell you is that you're not alone and while it is very hard work, it's so worth it. You reap great rewards of a close family and learning to grow together, in character and learning.

 

I hope this helps bolster you through your uncertainty. You CAN homeschool!:grouphug:

[Soph the vet]

Hi Amy,

Welcome to our world!!:001_smile: Homeschooling is certainly not a light undertaking and I think the things you are feeling and the questions you have were common to many of us when we started and still plague some of us:tongue_smilie:.

Sounds like you are an educator and maybe you are already aware of the varied approaches to education that are out there, but that is a place to begin before getting into nitty-gritty curriculum, programs, etc.

I would recommend reading The Well-Trained Mind for starters. You may discover that no matter how the schools have changed over the years, your children may get a better education through tried and true methods that have been around for eons.

As for your dd4 wanting to go to school, I would not let that influence your decision. At her age, whatever you get excited about she will get excited about. If you are enthusiastic about homeschooling, she will most likely be also. And for those days when she isn't, well, you are still the parent and know what is best for her anyway. We could stick a vegetable vs. ice cream analogy in here if it helps...of course all of our dc would choose the latter...but is it better?

Patience is something we all struggle with....anyone who says they don't is lying! I still think my dc are getting a better, more individualized, and more loving education than they ever would in an institution.

Hope some of that helps.

Soph

[Parrothead]

In what way do you mean patience? Do your kids frustrate you by constant arguing, whining, fighting and the like? Or is it a needing some time alone issue? Or do you need to find a way to spend time with other adults during the day?

 

If the needs are yours (time and/or adult interaction) there are ways to get that. Alone time can be as simple as initiating an hour of quiet time in everyone's room. The kids nap or read quietly in their room for an hour after lunch. There is also the option of getting up or staying up when everyone is asleep for some alone time. I get mine in the evenings when everyone else is in the bed. For adult interaction set up play dates at the park with other moms, find a homeschool group, or get active with your church, library or city.

 

If it is the kids themselves that frustrate you, well, it has been said again and again, consistency in consequences so you are in control goes a long way to fixing those kinds of problems.

 

Your dd wanting to go to school can be addressed with homeschool groups, play dates, dance or other lessons. If you live in a neighborhood with other kids the need to actively find someone for dc to play with lessens a lot.

 

Good luck in finding your balance. The hive is available pretty much 24/7 for support. Gotta love this place.

[Kidlit]

Thanks, everyone. I've been lurking (read: obsessed with) here for a month or two, and I know it's a great place for support.

 

I think we've really just had a bad week. My dd who's almost 3 has been a whining mess all week. It really gets to me, and I lose it, and then I feel horribly guilty and bad over it all. It's a vicious cycle.

 

We're already doing some pre-reading stuff (sounds) with lots of activities and lots of reading aloud. Really, our "learning time" is the highlight of our day. Both girls LOVE it. It's just the general whining, fighting, and arguing that get to me.

 

Yes, I am a Christian, which is what I meant when I said that I know I can't do it on my own. Still, even with the Lord helping me (and I KNOW He does!), I blow it sometimes. Big time, sometimes. I feel like I'm apologizing to my children a lot lately. I just need grace.

 

Anyway, I have a lot of apprehension about homeschooling, as I already mentioned. When do you ever know unequivocally, without a doubt that you are doing the right thing? :bigear:

[Parrothead]

 

I think we've really just had a bad week. My dd who's almost 3 has been a whining mess all week. It really gets to me, and I lose it, and then I feel horribly guilty and bad over it all. It's a vicious cycle.

 

 

Have you pinpointed the cause of the whining? Tired, getting sick, hungry, general 3-year old phase, boredom? Find the cause and break the cycle. Everyone will feel better. :grouphug:

[Alana in Canada]

When do you ever know unequivocally, without a doubt that you are doing the right thing?

 

For us, it IS the right thing to do. I always know it. I'm not always happy about it, and I never feel capable of it.

 

The Lord calls us to do things which we can't do without Him--so feeling inadequate and highly challenged is exactly the right place to be (for me!).

 

For what it's worth, those discipline issues don't dissappear when the kids go to school. If anything, you have less time than before to address and correct. If they aren't handled, then your kid just gets labelled. That almost happened to us.

 

Sounds like you need an afternoon (at least) to yourself, right now. I never had a break from mine at that age, either, and a lot of problems went unaddressed because I hadn't the energy to address them (nor the know-how.)

 

You'll get lots of help here, as you know.

Take care and welcome.

[Kidlit]

Thanks, everyone. I know I need to take care of myself, and my DH is WONDERFUL about taking the girls off my hands for the evening. In fact, he's taking them over to his mom's tonight.

 

The "still, small voice" in my heart tells me this is the right thing to do, and I'm beginning to suspect it's as much for me as for them. I KNOW it will make me more dependent on the Lord.

 

As far as my whiny 3 year old, I'm pretty sure it's just a phase. That doesn't make it any easier, though, does it?

 

My girls are really very good. At least, that's what everyone tells me. :tongue_smilie: I'm probably overly sensitive to their "issues."

[JFSinIL]

 

First, I just don't know that I have the patience day in and day out to deal with my children in a positive way. Yes, I am a SAHM, and no, my children have never been to daycare or even a mothers-day-out program, so I guess you could say that I deal with them in a (mostly) positive way on a daily basis already, but it wears me out. I don't know that I can do it for the long haul.

 

 

Homeschooling might help in that it provides a huge hunk of structured activity to fill the day home with kids! Instead of finding the next fun activities to do with the kids, hours can be focused on math/reading/science etc. And do not worry about the long haul - you take it one year at a time.

[pianoplayer]

When your kids are that small, mothering alone is a huge job! It's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes--I suspect that we all have (and do).:grouphug:

 

We decided before our kids were born that we wanted to homeschool, so on the days that feel like utter disasters, I fall back on that and remind myself that we are doing the right thing. It sounds like you think that homeschooling is the right decision for you, too. If so, don't let the bad days produce doubts that tear you up inside, know what I mean?

 

With kids your age, there are lots of ways to fill their time--i.e., tons of reading, exploration of nature, exercise. I would also enforce daily nap time (boy, would I enforce daily nap time!:lol:). Nap time can provide a break for you, as well, which is also important! Nap time can also take care of one reason kids that age get whiny.

 

My nerves get frayed when our kids whine, too, and we pretty much don't tolerate it. Make sure that you eliminate obvious triggers like hunger, tiredness, lack of cuddle time, etc., and then you and your hubby work together to teach the children that whining won't be tolerated.

 

Hang in there!:grouphug: If homeschooling is right for you, you can do it successfully! It will stretch you, but also strengthen immeasurably. Best wishes!

[Nestof3]

I'm not telling you what to do, but I just wanted to let you know that sometimes I feel like I cannot do it either. I've had those feelings that last 9 years I've homeschooled.

 

I've had them this week.

 

I am trying to learn along with my children. I am trying to learn how to respond properly. I fail a lot, but I am still trying. They are exhausting when they're young. They do grow up pretty quickly though. :) [not realized until looking back, though].

[Kidlit]

Oh, yes, we have an enforced rest time every day here. DD4 usually goes to sleep, even though she later denies it.:001_smile: I still rock dd2 to sleep. I refuse to give up this time, even when they are really too old for it. I think they'll eventually listen to a book on tape during this time.

 

I know that homeschooling really is a matter of the heart. It's just so hard for me to completely make up my mind about it (not really my mind, but you know what I mean) and not be assailed with doubts at the next turn. DH reminds me that we just have to take it one year at a time. That's what I'm going to TRY to do.

 

Thank you, ladies, for discussing this with me!:grouphug:

[linders]

decision here.

 

Sometimes I envy the certainty of those are firmly decided they will homeschool through high school. We aren't at that place. Every year it is a new choice based on our current situation, and there are days (like today) when I want to throw in the towel and put them on that lovely yellow bus. (Note to self: quit looking out the window at 8:15 am.)

 

I'm an introvert who needs quiet time to recharge and with my DH gone the past 4+ months, I haven't had that. I'm an analytical person who has a hard time dealing with someone (DS8) who thinks whining and dawdling will get him out of an assingment - it only makes me tense and angry in a, "You're going to have to do it eventually, so JUST DO IT NOW AND SAVE US THIS AGONY!" kind of way.

 

Keep at it. It's the thought lurking underneath ("It will be worth it.") that keeps me going.

[iquilt]

I'm not telling you what to do, but I just wanted to let you know that sometimes I feel like I cannot do it either. I've had those feelings that last 9 years I've homeschooled.

 

I've had them this week.

 

I am trying to learn along with my children. I am trying to learn how to respond properly. I fail a lot, but I am still trying. They are exhausting when they're young. They do grow up pretty quickly though. :) [not realized until looking back, though].

:iagree:

You have received some great advice already. I just wanted to add that sending them off on the magic yellow bus is not a cure-all to any issues or concerns that we have as parents. Yes, they may be gone for a chunk of the day, but then there is an even smaller part of the day left to deal with any problems or issues. Plus the homework:tongue_smilie: For us, we have found that we love the control over our own family time as homeschoolers. We decide when to school, what we are studying, we can follow the strengths of our kids and provide extra help in the weak areas. It is a lot of work and a huge commitment, but there are so many benefits (for us, for now). HTH

[Mama Anna]

. . . and now I'm here - in the midst of the homeschool world! I know that everyone is different, but while my relationship with dd is still often on the rocks outside of school hours, I find that the structure imposed by hs really helps our relationship. I'm a very goal-oriented person and she needs tons of what is (to me) "purposeless" interaction. We both get what we want with hs.

 

One of the ways that I dealt with my fear (in the face of really knowing that I should go ahead with hs) was to leave the question open-ended. Like someone already said, take it one year at a time. I began pretty informally with K, lurked here and around real-life hs conversations like a junkie, and just tried to be okay with the idea that I might really mess up during the process. However, kids are amazingly able to rebound (especially when you apologize and ask forgiveness - for my little ones at least) from stupid mistakes and who else is going to care so much for each and every facet of each of your little jewels from God?

 

I'd suggest studying up on hs at the library, take it one year at a time, give yourself permission to mess up, ask forgiveness, and move on, and then just wade in a little at a time. Oh, and it really helps if you've got a group of pro-hs friends in real life. They don't have to be hsing classically, just supportive of what you're doing.

 

Remember that whenever God asks us to step off the cliff, He's always waiting with the safety net to catch us and help us fly, even if we fall for a little while before we land in it. We just usually can't see the net before we take the step.

 

HTH!

 

Mama Anna

[Allearia]

You seem troubled that you still have doubts. I certainly still have doubts. We are just starting our second year homeschooling. A couple of weeks ago before PS started I had a lot of anxiety, wondering if I should sign ds up, I even asked him if he wanted to go. He didn't, I didn't, and that anxiety has passed for now. I am pretty sure if I had signed him up for ps or if we had never homeschooled I would have a lot of anxiety, wondering if I should pull him out to homeschool.

 

I feel a lot more sure about my decision now than when I was first starting. I think it is just very normal, when everyone around you is signing their kids up for preschool or school is just starting, to wonder if you are doing the right thing if it is different. At some point you have to accept that you will continue to doubt and just keep going anyway. Feel sure that if it became something terrible that really wasn't working you would know. I think that possibility is pretty unlikely.