Neat little article from my home town...

[TammyinTN]

We've spoiled kids rotten

By Linda Whitlock

 

 

Linda Whitlock

Recent columnist

 

In high school, I had a friend whose parents made her pay for her own toothpaste, shampoo and other basic necessities that most parents routinely buy for their kids. Back then, I thought her parents were just being mean. Now, I can't help but wonder if today's kids would be better off if more parents did the same.

 

Maybe my friend's parents were a little extreme. For sure, though, my friend learned somebody has to pay for basic necessities. I don't remember how she earned the money to pay for hers, but whatever she did, I'm sure it required time, work and sacrifice -- alien concepts to a lot of kids these days. Americans have given their kids so much for so long and required so little in return, it would be surprising if these ideas weren't foreign.

 

How we got to this point isn't hard to figure out. It started after World War II with the baby boom generation. Many adults who'd grown up during the Depression and the war years had their childhoods and educations cut short because they had to work to help support their families. After Pearl Harbor, others quit school to serve their country.

 

In the growing affluence after the war, these parents, understandably, wanted to give their children the childhoods they never had. Ever since, with the best of intentions, we've been spoiling our kids rotten.

 

Most kids today would never imagine it might be their responsibility to help support their families, much less to buy their own shampoo or toothpaste. Most kids, in fact, wouldn't imagine they have any responsibility toward their families at all.

 

For all our good intentions, we've done our kids a terrible disservice. Instead of teaching them that the family's well-being depends, in part, on them, we've encouraged them to believe the family exists to serve their needs. In the process, we've cheated them out of the satisfaction that comes from working hard and making sacrifices to achieve a worthwhile goal.

 

We can see the effects of this half-century-long mistake in a host of current problems, from widespread cheating in school, to massive amounts of consumer debt, to the subprime lending debacle. Even the phenomenon of college graduates still depending on Mom and Dad for support has its roots in our well-meaning but misguided desire to give our kids an easy life.

 

Child of the Depression that he was, my dad, at 28 with a young wife and a baby on the way, was still sending money home to support his mother. Today's 28-year-old is as likely to be still living at home with his mother.

 

So what's the solution? Reinstitute child labor.

 

Not child labor like that in the 18th and early 19th centuries. Child labor more akin to what rural kids living on farms probably still do today -- work that contributes to the welfare of the whole family. It's way past time we reacquainted our kids with the concepts of hard work, sacrifice, delayed gratification and personal responsibility.

 

A working knowledge of those concepts would prepare kids for college far better than their extracurricular activities and SAT prep tests, not to discount those things. It would also give them a sense of purpose and self-worth as a defense against life's inevitable disappointments and rejections.

 

If you have young kids, start now giving them meaningful work to do. Even little kids can do something to help out around the house. Let them know their work matters. As they get older, assign them bigger jobs with greater responsibility. Tie their privileges to their responsibilities.

 

Instead of buying your kids everything they want, buy them what they need. Give them a few special presents for birthdays and Christmas. Let them earn the money to buy the rest. If something costs them both time and money, they'll appreciate it more, they'll take better care of it, and they'll find out anticipation can be half the fun.

 

Spoiled kids turn into spoiled, self-indulgent adults. If you've got a few spoiled kids at your house, consider reinstituting child labor. Someday they'll probably thank you. But even if they don't, the rest of us will.

 

Whitlock, an adjunct English professor who lives in Salem, is a Roanoke Times columnist.

[Snickerdoodle]

I grew up that way and it served me well. I think two very important things my parents taught me were the value of a work ethic and if you can't pay cash then you can't afford it.

[Free Indeed]

Yep! While not requiring them to buy there own hygiene items ;) I let my kids earn their "extras". I very much agree with this article. :D

[mcconnellboys]

[We can see the effects of this half-century-long mistake in a host of current problems, from widespread cheating in school, to massive amounts of consumer debt, to the subprime lending debacle. Even the phenomenon of college graduates still depending on Mom and Dad for support has its roots in our well-meaning but misguided desire to give our kids an easy life.]

 

Thanks for sharing all this with us!

 

[Not child labor like that in the 18th and early 19th centuries. Child labor more akin to what rural kids living on farms probably still do today -- work that contributes to the welfare of the whole family. It's way past time we reacquainted our kids with the concepts of hard work, sacrifice, delayed gratification and personal responsibility.

 

A working knowledge of those concepts would prepare kids for college far better than their extracurricular activities and SAT prep tests, not to discount those things. It would also give them a sense of purpose and self-worth as a defense against life's inevitable disappointments and rejections.]

 

I started working in my family's business when I was 11. I worked 20 hours per week during school and 40+ hours during school breaks. It did not hurt me. It did not hurt my grades. I was not only better prepared to take care of my own finances when I went away to college, but I was also able to get a job in retail management very easily anywhere I went because I had so much more experience under my belt than anyone else. I wholeheartedly agree that children should contribute meaningfully to the welfare of the family!

 

Regena

[Mrs Mungo]

A story that I love to tell when it comes to themes like this:

 

My grandfather was raised on a farm with a ton of brothers and sisters (mostly sisters). He's one of the younger ones. When he was four years old his job was to sit and play with the baby (who was one) in the shade of the wagon while the family worked in the fields. One day he started poking around in his mom's basket and found a bottle of cough syrup. He took a sip and it tasted like strawberry soda pop. So, he and the baby drank it. His mother made him pick 100 pounds of cotton to pay for that bottle of cough syrup. There was an older woman picking in the same field and whenever his mom wasn't looking the older woman would stick some in his bag. He's 85 years old and still grateful to that woman.

 

Any time my kids complain about vacuuming or folding laundry or whatnot, they get reminded of this story.

[TammyinTN]

I totally agreed with the article...my mom and I were talking about it today. My parents were very tough on me growing up...I didn't realize until just very, very recently how spoiled my 20 year old was. I have been corrected and so has she. This article really hit home to me.

[mcconnellboys]

Wow! I'm impressed,

 

Regena

[Volty]

There are some truths in here that I agree with like connecting meaningful work with reward and struggling to acheive a goal are worthwhile things to be taught.

 

I think extrapolating that to cheating in school or the subprime mess is a stretch.

 

Sending money home during the depression was a worthwhile, honrable thing to do in the 30s, nowadays elderly poverty is athing of the past due to Social Security, it's often times it takes a long time for kids to succeed in life. No 28 y/o wants to live with their parents, that's the burden of high cost of living with low wages. Decent jobs are scarce. Most families need two incomes to survive, those of us here living on one income (in a HS forum that would mean almost all of us) know how hard that is.

 

So I think the article is both a hit and a miss.

[mcconnellboys]

I meant that I was impressed by the story about Mungo's grandfather, not the article. I think the way these forums load make it difficult to know who is responding to what, LOL....

 

Regena