New Testament verse question.

[dorothy]

Hi.

 

I have two Christian friends who had a fight last year and have not spoken to each other since. It was over something very minor but each is convinced that they are fully within their rights to be angry and unforgiving but keep taking communion, talking about all the great things God is doing in their lives, etc.

 

Doesn't the Bible, particularly the New Testament, speak about having to forgive and reconcile your brother? Does it say something about not taking communion unless you are reconciled to others? What about on forgiveness?

 

Can you help with specific Bible verses? I'd like to email them both the next time they send me an email asking me to pray for them individually as they are "seeking God's will for their lives." I am so tired of it! If they were seeking God's will for their lives, they would start by forgiving each other.

 

Now I am getting preachy. Sorry.

[chanda7]

I think some of verses you are referring to are Matthew 5:22-24. It isn't referring to communion but discusses reconciling with your brother before leaving your offering at the altar. There are some verses in I Corinthians 11, verses 27-29, discussing that you should examine yourself before partaking of communion. Most people interpret this as meaning you should not take communion without thinking about the sacrifice it represents. There are several verses about forgiveness, especially that you forgive so you will be forgiven (Luke 6:37).

 

I'm not sure using Scripture "against" your friends is going to give you the result you are after. Maybe invite them to your house to help them reconcile?

[sdWTMer]

Adding gently:

 

If they both feel that they are doing nothing wrong, I don't see how you can change the behavior by quoting scripture that they already know. If they both feel righteously angry, they could still take communion. IMHO.

[dhudson]

There's a great book called "Peacemakers" by Ken Sande that can really help you work through hard unforgiveness issues whether they are yours or someone else's. You can't make anyone else do the right thing but perhaps you could mention the next time they bring something up that you don't feel comfortable being in the middle and would prefer they talk to the other person instead.

[dorothy]

I am tired of speaking to them gently about the issue and having them on the one hand insist on no-forgiveness, yet on the other carry on about what great Christians they are. They could at least stop emailing me with the hypocrisy.

[chanda7]

Maybe you could put them on your spam list ;) More seriously, I'm sorry you're in the middle of this. I hope your friends are able to at least come to an understanding, agree to disagree, etc. If they can't get along, there isn't anything wrong in them going their separate ways. However, if they are going to do that, they just need to let it go and leave you out of it.

[Deana FL]

I am tired of speaking to them gently about the issue and having them on the one hand insist on no-forgiveness, yet on the other carry on about what great Christians they are. They could at least stop emailing me with the hypocrisy.

 

 

I so agree with you! I sometimes get angry with people who have a hard time recognizing their own sin. "unforgiveness" is definitely not what God wants from us...and it hinders God's best in our lives. While your friends may think all is good, the deceiver is a liar. Unforgiveness can cause serious consequences. The scripture that you were referring to 1 Cor 11:

 

27Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. 28A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. 29For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself. 30That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. 31But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment. 32When we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be condemned with the world.

 

Recognizing the Lord's sacrifice includes recognizing the grace you've been afforded. Recognizing His forgiveness for us, therefore we must forgive others...it's a decision we make to forgive, even if we don't agree. It's a decision to let go of it, to give it to Him and no longer carry the burden of anger and hurt that the offense has caused.

 

Try looking at forgiveness through the eyes of the Father... He paid the price for everything we will ever need...the cadillac is free for the taking and we want to stay put in the horse and buggy. silly analogy -but, the best that came to mind. As Christians we should be walking in love, especially with our brothers/sisters in Christ, otherwise, what do we offer?

 

My suggestion is pray...let the Holy Ghost do the convicting, not you. He'll be so much more effective. If you do approach, which you probably will, I pray that you be filled with Holy Ghost unction to know all things and speak the Word that pierces and divides. Hebrews 4:12

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

I think that as a Christian your anger is right..in fact, I think Christians should keep one another in check more often than what we're doing. At the risk of losing friendships, we should be more focused on wanting to see one another staying on a Godly path.

 

Sorry, it got kinda long...

[Kathleen in VA]

But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:15

 

And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11:25

 

But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses. Mark 11:26

 

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

 

Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also [do] ye. Colossians 3:13

 

We are commanded by God to forgive. It is not optional. Therefore, if you do not obey God, you are sinning. If you are living in a state of perpetual sin, you are not worthy to take communion because you are not right with God. Being right with God means you confess that you have sinned, repent of that sin and purpose not to do it again. Of course, we are forgiven because of Christ's finished work on the cross, not because of any works we have done.

 

It is prideful to expect God to forgive us and then not be willing to forgive another. Christ forgave the very ones who crucified Him. How can we say we are followers of Christ and choose purposely not to forgive others? It makes no sense. I wonder if either of your friends really has tasted the forgiveness of Christ or if their profession of Christianity is an intellectual assent to some prescribed list of do's and don'ts. Anyone who has truly recognized their lost condition and utter inability to do good apart from God's grace can usually be reasoned with from the scriptures for their need to forgive others. It may be hard at first, especially for a new Christian, but once the scriptures are pointed out to them they most surely will see how needful it is to lay aside their so-called rights and forgive those who wrong them.

 

Not being willing to forgive is saying, in essence, that we are better than another person is because we would never have done what the wrong they did. True humility realizes that it is only by God's grace that we do not do worse sins than we do and that we are all capable of the most horrendous sins apart from His grace. Neither of your friends ought to be participating in communion because they are in a constant state of the sin of not forgiving another as Christ forgave them. This is for their own good (not participating) because they are misrepresenting Christ when they participate and God will not allow that to go on for long. (I Cor 11:30)

 

It sounds to me as if neither wants to really know what scripture has to say about it. From this distant vantage point it seems they are both rather proud people utterly lacking in humility. I think the best thing you can do for them is to pray that God would open their eyes to their sin - ask Him to send the Holy Spirit to convict them of their sin. Often people truly do not recognize how prideful it is to refuse to forgive another, especially if the wrong done against them is one that most people would understand. We live in a society that encourages the victim mentality and the notion that we "have a right to be angry."

 

Forgiving does not necessarily mean that we say the other person did nothing wrong. Forgiving means that even though they did do something wrong, we are willing to cover that wrong with mercy and grace just as our Savior has done for us. An unforgiving spirit is a sign that a person does not understand just how bad his own sin is in God's sight - they still think they are kind of "good." The Bible says there is none good, no not one. (Romans 3:10) It is a level playing field. We are all sinners who need a Savior.

 

Our lives are filled with needing to be forgiven, being forgiven by God, being forgiven by others, and forgiving others.

 

I'm so sorry you have been put in the middle of it.:grouphug:

[NevadaRabbit]

It is prideful to expect God to forgive us and then not be willing to forgive another. Christ forgave the very ones who crucified Him. How can we say we are followers of Christ and choose purposely not to forgive others? It makes no sense. I wonder if either of your friends really has tasted the forgiveness of Christ or if their profession of Christianity is an intellectual assent to some prescribed list of do's and don'ts. Anyone who has truly recognized their lost condition and utter inability to do good apart from God's grace can usually be reasoned with from the scriptures for their need to forgive others. It may be hard at first, especially for a new Christian, but once the scriptures are pointed out to them they most surely will see how needful it is to lay aside their so-called rights and forgive those who wrong them.

 

Not being willing to forgive is saying, in essence, that we are better than another person is because we would never have done what the wrong they did. True humility realizes that it is only by God's grace that we do not do worse sins than we do and that we are all capable of the most horrendous sins apart from His grace. Neither of your friends ought to be participating in communion because they are in a constant state of the sin of not forgiving another as Christ forgave them. This is for their own good (not participating) because they are misrepresenting Christ when they participate and God will not allow that to go on for long. (I Cor 11:30)

 

 

Kathleen has already said much of what I would say, so :iagree:. Unrepentant unforgiveness is sin, fed by pride.

 

There is plenty in the Scriptures about forgiving one another. Scripture also tells us that one who is locked in sin does not want to hear about it (John 3:19-21, Prov 15:12), and one who loves his sin will not appreciate the one who draws his attention to the sin (Prov 9:7-8). We are poor examiners of ourselves (I Cor 4:4). You can't talk the sinner out of his sin; the Spirit does the work of conviction and brings repentance. The only "cure" is repentance - the blood of Christ, sought and obtained through repentance, brought to bear on our hearts by the Spirit and the living Word of God. 1 John 1:8-10

 

So I would suggest that the only thing that will reach your friends' hearts is Scripture. Are you willing to risk their dislike, even their hatred, for pointing it out? Is the Spirit urging you to speak Truth over their lives, reminding them that unforgiveness is sin and that their relationship with God is broken as long as they are walking in it, unrepentant (Psalm 66:18 among many others)? If He is - arm yourself with the Scriptures He brings to mind, and then obey. If He is not - pray consistently that their hearts will be softened to hear His rebuke. Keep restoration as your motive.

 

I think at the very least it is completely reasonable to ask them both to leave you out of the situation. Assure them that you are praying and ask them not to mention it any further to you. I also think that we Christians tend to (pardon the expression) pussy-foot around each other, afraid of hurting feelings, afraid we'll lose a friend, when the Bible tells us repeatedly that we are to correct one another in love, keep one another in line with the Word, always doing so with an eye toward restoring one another to fellowship.

 

HTH. :001_smile:

[Ellie]

I am tired of speaking to them gently about the issue and having them on the one hand insist on no-forgiveness, yet on the other carry on about what great Christians they are. They could at least stop emailing me with the hypocrisy.

 

Well, you know, it may be time for you to quit speaking to them so gently. You might just have to say it out loud: "I think you're both wrong. I refuse to be part of it. I will be happy to meet with the two of you together so you can get things out in the open and reconcile; otherwise, please leave me out of it."

[Jugglin'5]

I agree with Kathleen, Nevada Rabbit, and Ellie.