theYoungerMrsWarde Posted September 11, 2014 Share Posted September 11, 2014 I understand why that would be your perspective and I'm so sorry for your childhood abuse :( Not all mothers can perfectly protect their children. A lot of us are doing it imperfectly, constrained by legal systems and the dynamics of abuse itself. In general, I don't think it's a good idea to blame a victim for not protecting another victim. That said, I understand and accept why you have zero sympathy. Thank you for being able to understand, and saying so. While I intellectually have studied the psychology and the studies and "reasons" and understand what they say, I emotionally can not understand protecting my children at any cost. Not even stepping between and taking the blows yourself? Leaving and going to a shelter? I'm not saying they shouldn't be helped. But I'm not going to be able to not hate them a little bit for letting it get that bad and doing nothing to protect their children. But I also don't expect others to see things the way I see it from my history. I don't even know why I posted in the beginning. Probably impulisve reaction to a PTSD trigger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted September 11, 2014 Author Share Posted September 11, 2014 So - off topic - but can we still link YouTube and TED talks after SWB's request to strictly use only text or photos we wrote / took ourselves? YouTube, Google Images and TED are considered public and not copyrighted, yes? Or no? Good question. The edict said text or pictures. Links (which I discovered are what I've mostly posted when I searched my name) to public material might be acceptable? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted September 13, 2014 Author Share Posted September 13, 2014 A related link: http://boz.religionnews.com/2014/09/12/whyistayed-churches-support-spousal-abuse/ I'd put "God hates divorce" and "divorce is not an option" at the top of that list. One of the most evil things I think the Christian Church has done to women is to keep presenting "God hates divorce" from a myopic, literal standpoint. I don't believe in the Christian God anymore, but when I did, this meme kept me in abuse for years. I eventually came to believe God hated the marriage in which divorce (a matter of heart, not paper) happens. I eventually concluded that God didn't care one whit about the paper status of marriage; he cared about the heart and operational status. And in that regard, it was only after I realized that I had been divorced for years that I was able to leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Rosie brings up a really good point. I know some survivors who stay precisely because they don't want their husband to have even partial custody due to abuse (emotional and/or physical). Many US states have moved to joint custody agreements/50-50 by default….and proving otherwise, can be very difficult…especially if the partner has more financial/legal resources. :iagree: I know more than one partner who has stayed married because at least they could be there. With custody it's often split nowadays, so you're risking leaving your children alone with an abuser for half the time. At least if you are THERE and married, you can try to do something about it, try to help, try to run interference. And sometimes it's very hard to prove abuse. Very hard. Not all is physical and you can't always get help. And some courts decide to give abusive parents more chances with unsupervised visitation. While I otherwise would agree with children seeing both parents, I'm sure we all know a case where that went horribly wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
songsparrow Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 I haven't watched the TED Talk yet, but I will and also some of the other resources that people linked - thank you. I'm not sure if I should start a separate thread for this question, but as part of our health curriculum this year I wanted to discuss dating and healthy and abusive relationships with my dd. Can anyone suggest any resources (books, videos, etc) that are good specifically for introducing this topic to teens? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 I haven't watched the TED Talk yet, but I will and also some of the other resources that people linked - thank you. I'm not sure if I should start a separate thread for this question, but as part of our health curriculum this year I wanted to discuss dating and healthy and abusive relationships with my dd. Can anyone suggest any resources (books, videos, etc) that are good specifically for introducing this topic to teens? http://www.teendvmonth.org/resources/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 I am so sorry, Joanne, you went through that and you were guilted to stay in a horrible situation. Hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommytobees Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I know I'm coming into this late.... Joanne, thank you for posting this and I hope you DO your nonviolent spousal abuse talk. I'd like to see it. I'd relate to it more than I relate to the TED talk you posted, though it was thought provoking. Picking myself up from an abusive marriage is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommytobees Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 When I give the "power and control wheel" to clients, they often respond with some form of communication that they thought a lot of that was normal. You've peeked my curiosity... what is the "power and control wheel"? Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted September 23, 2014 Author Share Posted September 23, 2014 You've peeked my curiosity... what is the "power and control wheel"? Kris Power and control wheel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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