Can we talk about facebook?

[Gwen in VA]

I have finally taken the plunge and joined facebook. My daughter (who joined when she left for college) has been encouraging me to join for months.

 

I know that the answers will vary from person to persn, but I would love to hear how others have handled entering the young adult world of facebook.

 

What is the protocol for adults on facebook? (There are so few adults on facebook that I feel like I am plunging into the teen social scene!)

 

One adult friend has friended many of her kids' friends. Is that "appropriate", or is that too "cross-generational"? Should I stick with adult friends for the most part, or is it expected that since I am entering a teen world that I will end up with many teen friends?

[Kathleen in VA]

I joined facebook several months ago when I got an email from Alpha Omega publishers asking me to join a group there to support California Homeschoolers. My three oldest already had accounts there. I'm not very active there but I do keep up with a couple of friends who live far away.

 

I don't think there is any protocol for adults that is different than the protocol for the younger generation. My children's friends are almost all church friends and I've known them since they were born. They have all asked me to be their friends and I just clicked "accept.":) I'm not the type to search others out though.

 

I have a few friends from high school on there whom I don't interact with much but who are on my list of friends. I have one friend from church who is older than I am and we play word games (Scramble, for example) just for fun. She plays a round when she has a spare minute and I do the same. She always beats me, btw. All three of her children have accounts there, too and I visit with them occasionally there, too.

 

My mom's best friend's daughter (who is just a bit younger than I am) has an account and I keep up with that family through her. Her mom has cancer and is living with her now so I like to know how things are going and all I have to do is visit her page which she keeps updated about everything.

 

Since you can set the privacy level very high on Facebook I don't worry about having to deal with people I don't know. I can check my children's pages, play games with them (we do that on two separate computers while we are sitting in the same room), or just keep up with a few of my friends. I guess I don't really think of it as a "young adult" world - just a people world.

[Annie G]

My teens use Facebook to keep in touch with their theater friends (the CLOSEST one lives 40 minutes from here). I am friends with a few of those teens but my rule is that if the teens ask me to be their friend, I accept. But I do not ask their friends to be mine. I occasionally comment on what their friends post ( such as a birthday wish to one or a congratulations to another) but I do NOT get involved in their teen lives by posting comments on their photos or engaging myself in discussion when they are being all teenager-y about things.

This allows me to keep an eye on what's going on without interfering with the social lives of my teens.

[Ms. Riding Hood]

my rule is that if the teens ask me to be their friend, I accept. But I do not ask their friends to be mine. I occasionally comment on what their friends post ( such as a birthday wish to one or a congratulations to another) but I do NOT get involved in their teen lives by posting comments.

 

Yes, I'd say this is true for me. I know lots of kids on there and I'll sometimes look at their page or pictures, but I don't butt in. Now and then I might sent them a PM (ie, to invite a niece to a party; didn't have her regular email address). I have kids who've "friended" me, but I think if I asked them to be friends they would feel compelled to accept even if they didn't really want me seeing their stuff, kwim? So I leave it to them to invite.

 

As Kathleen said, "it's a people world" rather than just for teenagers. I never look anybody up, but I've had a couple of old friends and a distant family member look me up. It's kind of fun to hear the news from people you otherwise wouldn't keep up with. But like you, I started out feeling like I was out of my league/playing in the sandbox.

[Kimberleigh]

I'm on Facebook and have found many adult friends there. Many of my offline friends are on it for professional reasons (authors), so I started by friending them, and then a lot of their contacts found and friended me.

 

Feel free to add me (Jenn Kettell), and I'm sure you'll find other people to add through my list.

[Sharon in MD]

I was not sure about it though, and now I feel encouraged that it is okay for me to join even though I'm not a kid...

 

I have been a bit paranoid about it, but ds joined and loves it so much. I have a couple other homeschool mom friends who have joined already, so i guess I'll take the plunge too.

 

:001_smile:

[sweetbaby]

I'm on there but I rarely visit. My teenager uses Faith Freaks which is a Christian version of MySpace. There are many hs'ers on Facebook. You just have to search them out.

[Hilary]

Gwen, you are lucky. Far from "encouraging" me to join Facebook, my older two have pretty much threatened to disown me if I ever considered joining. They think it's "creepy" and "weird" for adults to be at Facebook. Perhaps that's because they joined years ago, when it was much less common for adults to join. For them, it's been a wonderful place to connect with old friends and get to "know" new people ... before my son went off to the five-week summer program he was in this summer, he already "knew" a lot of kids who were going to be there.

 

Anyway, in deference to their wishes, I haven't joined Facebook. There's a fitness board I've belonged to since 2001, and that's where I hang out (although I've noticed that, despite not wanting me over at Facebook, my kids sneak over to my fitness check-in occasionally to see what I'm saying!).

[Lisa TX]

I love facebook. I use it to IM with other adult friends that have facebook. Like the others, I don't only accept invitations from my kids' friend --- instead of asking them.

 

The one thing my son (sophomore in college) did tell me was not to ask kids questions based on info I'd seen on their facebooks. He said that is considered stalking and would be especially inappropriate for me as an adult visiting younger folks' sites. That was very helpful --- because I would have naturally done it --- like "I know you had a stressful exam week; how'd that Biology final turn out?"

[Lisa TX]

I mean I only respond to their invitations --- instead of asking them. I typed it wrong!

[Gwen in VA]

I appreciate all the helpful comments, ESPECIALLY the ones about being careful not to initiate much with younger folks!

 

I have been pleasantly surprised how many of my kids' friends have "friended" me.

 

Right after I joined a bunch of folks I haven't seen since I moved from Massachusetts 6 years ago friended me -- pretty cool! I think I am going to have fun with facebook! (Though I got my privacy settings messed up and my dd had to help me figure it all out -- so sad!)