Cammie Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Hive, My dd 13 is a very responsible "old before her years" type of a kid. When we agreed to a cell phone, and facebook, and emails it was because it really was the way that her class communicated with each other (they all live spread out over a very big city). We also set certain expectations. First, we would have the passwords to all accounts and they would not be changed. Second, we would monitor her communications. Mostly DH and I thought that meant we would check her phone/email every few days to make sure everything seemed ok in terms of who she was communicating with. A few months ago I read messages from a friend of hers that has identified as a lesbian. I am so proud of my DD that her friend felt comfortable sharing this with her and knew that it would be a safe place. I didn't discuss it with my DD because I thought that she was handling it beautifully. I thought about bringing it up...but then decided not to. I think over the last few months I think DD has forgotten that we said we would monitor her communications. Now I have discovered that as of yesterday she has a "boyfriend." Now, DH is very conservative and dating is simply unknown to him from his background and culture. I am an American so my perspective is very different. DD understand this. So I do understand the desire to keep it a secret from us. (For what it is worth, we know the boy and his family...not a concern at this time that anything more than sitting together at lunch is happening.) The problem is that even though we told her we would monitor these communications, I am starting to feel like I am prying. On the one hand, I remember having lots of secrets at that age. On the other hand, we want her to be safe. Even though we told her we would be monitoring them, I feel like she will feel it was an invasion of her privacy. What would you do? Keep reading the communications? Discuss what you learned with her? Wait for her to bring it up? AAGH I didn't expect the teenage years to begin so quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I'd discuss it. Get it out in the open, clear the air, and open yourself up to conversations with dd regarding important goings-on in her life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 If you think she has forgotten, I would remind her that you periodically monitor her communications. I agree that it's a tough line to walk, but 13 is pretty young and she does need the guidance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I agree, get it out in the open, not as a big thing but just as a gentle reminder, and do it soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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