When there is no consistant schedule?

[swimmermom3]

How do your organize yourself when your life has no consistent schedule?

 

 

I have never thought of myself as someone who needs a regular household schedule, but I am finding myself to be crabbier than usual  and extremely unfocused because each and every day in our household is different.

 

My oldest two children (dd 21, ds 18) are living at home. They both work for a national clothing chain and they are basically employed "on demand." Ds is often in shipping, so he will work a couple of mornings a week from 5 - 9am, but the days and number of hours vary. Dd works more hours and they can be at any time during the week and for any duration. She is also a cosmetology student with flexible hours. This means they are leaving here as early as 4am and arriving in as late as 2am. Meals are at various times throughout the day, but usually when I have just finished cleaning up the kitchen. :tongue_smilie: I also serve a hot dinner, but do not know when dh will be home until he texts me that he is leaving and I have no idea who will be here for dinner. I am okay serving dinner at 6pm, but by 7:30pm, I am tired and irritable.

 

From August through January the youngest son had 4 courses at the high school (scheduling mistake) on an A day/B/day schedule. A days and B days had different start and stop times. Sailing was three days a week in the afternoon during the fall, but at least it was always 4-6:30pm. Swimming started in November and and was 5 days a week with three different practice times.

 

Now ds has only one class at school every other day and you can be sure that one of the older kids is up and talking to me through that small window of quiet time.

 

I love my kids a lot, but the house is never empty, quiet, or clean. Sometimes I think the earlier years were easier because at least there was nap time or they were at school. I can be very social, but am also someone who needs to go to a quiet corner ALONE to recharge.

 

I might as well admit it: I am feeling territorial and I want control over my kingdom because it's all making me feel old before my time. I go to do laundry, someone is already running their stuff. It's time to cook dinner and dd is making something in the kitchen non-dinner related. There are wonderful young people sitting in my living room unexpectedly while I am drooling on a chemistry book because I have fallen asleep on the couch.  My level of concentration is at an all time low and "I would forget my head if it wasn't attached."

 

For those of you with older kids at home or with really erratic schedules, how do you cope?

 

 

[regentrude]

I am not quite in the same situation, but with my DD it has gotten to a similar point. She has a regular class schedule, but aside from knowing when she is in class, I have no clue when she will be home - often she studies on campus, or meets up with friends, or brings friends home (although she usually checks with me if that is OK).

I guess it is difficult to establish house rules with adult children, but I think you might benefit from having a few minimal ones. I can think of two things that could help:

 

1. Even though your kids are adults, they should check with you before bringing company home. It is a matter of common courtesy (not to mention that it is your house). I like to be welcoming to my kids' friends, and it is usually not a problem, but I like advance notice and the opportunity to say no if it is really not a good time.

 

2. Have regular family meal times at which you prepare food or set the table (or whatever it is you would do if they were all there), for whoever wants to eat with you. Outside of those times, everybody has to fend for themselves AND clean up. Anybody preparing food close to the regular family meal times needs to make sure to get done and have the kitchen in order as not to interfere with your meal prep.

As for dinner: if your DH texts you and you schedule dinner accordingly, that's what happens. Everybody else can either be there when the two of you eat, or ask you to save their portion to warm up later.

 

I

[MicheleinMN]

I keep sort of looking forward to the day they all move out!  (That's said only sort of tongue in cheek.)  I struggle with keeping up with the schedules of all my children and never realized how BUSY it would feel even though they are able to get themselves to and from their own commitments.

 

My children know that I don't enjoy much company at our house during the week. (Makes me sort of sad I feel that way, but I do.)  I do try to allow more company in and out on the weekends.  The kitchen thing is probably why I am the main cook here.  I do not make breakfast or lunch.  My children have to ask to use the kitchen or do laundry.  There are too many of us for everyone to just dive in whenever they feel like it.

 

I tell myself we go through this so that we will look forward to having an empty nest some day. ;)

[Kfamily]

I can definitely sympathize since we have just now moved into our own space. I don't have any useful advice but I too feel as if I always put my plans and needs to the side for others. It is frustrating to try and carve out some time for me just to have that time taken because the schedule is off again. :)

[swellmomma]

Caffiene, blinders and well yeah that's about it.  While there are parts of my schedule that are consistant at the same time there is only 1 of me, and so I am constantly on the go and there are children everywhere and yeah I feel you.  Lately I have been uber b*tchy whenever we are home and I know it is because I can't keep up with it all and it is driving me nuts.  I just want my home to be my sanctuary to recharge in between working 7 days a week, and driving the kids every which way, and the school stuff.  I just want to be able to put my feet up and relax without staring at a mess.  I want to cook dinner without someone in my way.  I want to work on scrapbooking without first having to deal with all the projects on the go on the kitchen table etc.  I don't have a whole lots of solutions, life is what it is.  I drink coffee like it is going out of style, I ignore as much as I can, and now I am undertaking a 2 fold attack on the home.  1 is my decluttering mission, the house can't get trashed while I am at work if there is not as much in it to mess up.  2 I am choosing to be selfish. I am making sure I do something for myself daily and that is becoming as much of a peg to hang my schedule on as my job is.  It is important to me that I make my home my safe place again rather than my punishment kwim.

In your shoes I would implement a few changes.  I would make dinner at 6pm period, a plate or whatever can be put aside to warm for dh when he comes home.  If your dd is in their preparing food when it is time to cook dinner I would expect her to prepare enough for everyone for the meal. Given the kids bizarre work schedules I would live as if they were simply tenants, don't count on them much, though like I said if they are making food at a meal time they should prepare enough for everyone.  Assign laundry days for each one, that way you know that perhaps Mondays and Tuesdays they will be doing their laundry but there is 5 other days free for your own.  But most importantly I would actually write on the calendar a time each day to do something for yourself, whether it is read a book, have a bath, go for a walk, etc schedule it, and make it very clear to everyone that you are not to be disturbed for the duration of that time.  I take a bubble bath every Sunday where I just sit and soak, my kids know not even to bug me if the house is on fire during that time, I am in the water I will be fine, they can get out themselves.  Bugging me during that time is liable to substantially shorten their life span.  I have been expanding that into something each day to focus on myself and my sanity.  I have also gotten very territorial about my bedroom.  My ds10 seems to think he can come and go as he pleases in my room and that is not the case at all.  In fact I may have had a temper tantrum about it last night.  I have no where in this house to just get away and so I am reclaiming my room so that I have a place alone to recharge as needed.  It makes it easier for me to create a set bedtime for myself too, the teens can stay up as they please but having my room be off limits to them means I can at least make sure I am getting enough sleep, because not getting enough sleep makes me like Mr. Hyde it seems.

[Dicentra]

No advice but  :grouphug: .  As an extreme introvert and a very "type A" personality, that would be difficult for me.  My sister has adult children living at home right now and is the opposite of me - she's an extrovert and a "go with the flow" kind of personality - and even she is finding it difficult for many of the reasons you describe.

 

Hugs!

[katilac]

I agree with having a set time for dinner. That allows you to be done with that task, you can clean up the kitchen, and so on. Of course, you can still sit with dh whenever he gets home if you like. It shouldn't matter that much when everyone else eats, because they should be cleaning the kitchen 100% when done. I would not worry in the least about making sure the grown children get a hot dinner; they will survive! If you are providing food items they can prepare themselves, you're being a super-nice mama already. If you choose to cook enough so that everyone can eat if they are there, invest in some good storage containers and routinely put single-serve meals in the freezer when they don't show up. This cuts down on the mess of people constantly cooking as well. 

 

With that many kids having different routines, I would have a laundry schedule. Either for everyone, or just 'blacklisted' times for me. 

 

It's important that those with erratic schedules be insanely considerate when they leave or come home at odd hours. Short showers in the furthest bathroom as needed, quietly make a sandwich instead of cooking, and so on. 

 

If I were you, I would pick a set time each week to have to myself - go to the bookstore, the coffee shop, the library, whatever will recharge you. I say a set time because that is likely the only way you will do it, and it gives you something to look forward to. Yes, there will be other people there, but you won't have to talk to them  :laugh: