troubleshooting new bedtime routine

[kbutton]

My DS6 has a new bedtime--between 9:30 or 10:00. He doesn't need much sleep (I didn't sleep at that age either), and we have LESS grumpiness, etc. with his new bedtime. He previously went to bed at 8 or 8:30 so that I could have some downtown before he goes to bed, esp. when my husband is working evenings. Over time as he's needed less sleep, the time between his to bed and to sleep time has gotten longer, and he's developing major sleep issues. I remember being the same way at his age (my parents let me stay up late until I was in school), and I know I spent hours every night staring at the walls and ceiling, letting my imagination run wild (shadows, sounds, spooky stuff). I want him to learn to sleep well and listen to his body so that he doesn't have the sleep problems I have even now. The new bedtime has been a glorious success in that regard.

 

BUT...

I need some ideas for how he can spend his time between my older son's bedtime (8:00) and the new bedtime. I like to go to bed around 11:00 (trying to back that up to 10:30 at least some times), but I NEED my alone time every night and my downtime even more (it takes about 2 hours of doing very little to get me unwound enough to sleep). I am afraid that I will want to stay up really late to get some peace, and I cannot do that. I also want to watch some TV shows that are not appropriate for him (NCIS and whatnot). I don't want him to feel banished, but I need to start taking back part of my evenings now that we know the later bedtime is more appropriate for him. I don't mind spending a little extra time one-on-one reading, etc. He's had the short end of the stick because his older brother has some developmental issues. But, I would appreciate ideas for keeping him occupied alone in quiet pursuits until bedtime and in creating an inviting environment in his room. His room is pretty small, and he's messy, so that part is also going to be a challenge.

 

Our house is a one-story ranch with mostly hardwood floors, so the quiet part is truly a big issue. He likes to look at books, but he doesn't enjoy reading them yet. He loves pretend play--my only reservation is that he might give himself nightmares if he does a lot of this before bed (pirates, dragons, etc.).

[Momling]

Even with night owls, I try to preserve early bedtime at all costs. Not only do we adults need time to relax, kids do too. I'd have both kids in their rooms by 8, but let your younger have a reading or quiet playtime until 9 or whatever.

[Chris in VA]

Yep^^

 

I'd say just things in his room. How about audio books? Drawing/sketching/coloring? I would not do a tablet for games or other lighted screens, as those can disturb sleep cycles, but wonderful picture books or lots of detailed encyclopedia-type  nonfiction books (cars, animals, whatever he's interested in) or magazines (Nat Geo, Nature, etc) might be nice for him. I'd limit toys to the more nonstimulating type. 

 

Does he have a quiet time during the day? What does he do then? I'd have that sort of thing available. 

 

Have you seen SWB's videos on her quiet time set-up? Might be some ideas for you there. 

 

And I think I'd do most of a bedtime routine, like a bath and jammies, and then have room time for him, and then do an actual tuck-in when you really want him to sleep, instead of doing a complete bedtime routine and having him "turn off the lights" when he's finally tired. That's just me, though. I just found my kid would stay up later than I'd want and push her body further than was good for her if I didn't tuck her in (rare occasions). She'd get a second wind of sorts. 

[Soror]

My ds needs less sleep than usual as well. We let him stay in his room and read, legos, etc. if he can do it quietly. We do all of the bedtime routine at the normal time and we go to sleep as the rest of us need to be in bed earlier. 

[kbutton]

We do the whole bedtime routine before we do what will become the before bed quiet time, and it does help. We tuck in when we are ready for him to sleep. I understand about the second wind--we've been watching him for signs of tired, and thankfully, he is getting tired consistently about the same time (I wasn't sure he would because he didn't when he was a baby).

 

I'm liking the ideas you've all shared. I think he is at a point where he would be ready for them but may need some coaxing. I hadn't thought of drawing, so I will definitely make a space for some drawing stuff. I am hoping to make a little bedtime nook in his room when we clean it this weekend.

 

He is pretty extroverted and hasn't always enjoyed alone time. Lately he's been more receptive to it, and I'm not sure why. I do think he wants to exploit the one-on-one time he has with me once his brother is in bed, and I can't blame him for trying. My other son is pretty time-intensive. Unfortunately, both of my kids are extremely variable--this one is variable in his temperament and body rhythms, and my older one has fluctuating needs/inflexibility that bring things to a halt pretty easily but would be highly routine-oriented otherwise. My husband works variable shifts. Routine has been very hard to come by in our house, including quiet time! If my husband is working a lot of evenings, we have to have some family time when most homeschoolers would be working in some quiet time. My family members have started to become more aware of their own needs, peculiarities, etc. so at least we can discuss some of the challenges now.