AlmiraGulch Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Hello, Mother of the Year Committee? Please cross my name off your list. I've been helping DD create this pumpkin based on a book character. She was chosen from her class to create the pumpkin, based on whatever character she wants, that will be entered to represent the entire class. Anyway, we've been working on it since Tuesday night, I spent a ridiculous amount of money on supplies, and three entire evenings shaping chicken wire, spraying foam, priming, painting, duct-taping, hot gluing.......it was a bit involved, to say the least. It was HER project, but I was right there with her working on it the entire time, because she asked me to. So this morning, right before we're leaving to take the stupid thing to school, she decides to tell me that it would look great if only I hadn't put that red in the eyes to make it look bloodshot. Really, kid? Really? The entire thing looks a little wonky, if I'm being honest, but you decide to criticize me for the red in the eyes? I was mad. And my feelings were hurt. It was stupid, but I said no, it would look good if she hadn't screwed up the entire face. No one will even notice the red in the eyes because they won't be able to see past the ridiculous looking mouth and teeth she made. Yep. I just said that, to my 10 year old. Really mature. I don't know what my problem is. I guess I just didn't feel like being criticized, particularly after all the effort, time, and money I put into HER thing, at HER request. I should probably go back to bed now and call it a day. And buy her some ice cream after school. Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 :grouphug: They say (whoever they are) that our kids will never forget what we teach when we apologize. I hope you both have a better weekend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 :grouphug: They say (whoever they are) that our kids will never forget what we teach when we apologize. I hope you both have a better weekend! I apologize to my kids often. By my estimation they've learned so much from me by now they can go ahead and stop school. Sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I apologize to my kids often. By my estimation they've learned so much from me by now they can go ahead and stop school. Sigh. Really, though, I have to say, I know some families where the parents never lose their temper and never need tell or show the kids that they're sorry. And, honestly, sometime those kids have turned out really selfish. Not to oversimplify it, but that's what it seems like on the surface. Another case I know too well. Parents never raise their voice or express anger. Girl grows up. Anyone can say the tiniest thing or express any negative emotion and it's the end of the world. I don't want to justify saying something bad to your dd. But I agree there's more to be learned from this than from the other extreme. The thing isn't to dwell on it, but to move forward with humility, tell her you're sorry, including it came from being hurt, and do something nice together. If you feel this is a pattern, perhaps you can look into getting help to find ways to respond less impulsively. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 If you feel this is a pattern, perhaps you can look into getting help to find ways to respond less impulsively. Well....no. I'm not regularly a jerk to my kids. By "I apologize often to my kids" I did not intend to imply that it's because I always act like an idiot. It's just that when I do, I own up to it and apologize. My parents never, ever apologized to us. Ever. I think they thought it would make them look weak or they'd lose their position of power and authority or whatever. I just don't subscribe to that theory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unfrumpable. Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I've lost it in a similar with ds before. It really sucks. I do apologize. We move on and I learn from my mistakes, though that doesn't mean I'm suddenly perfect. :) But, we're humans too, us parents. I just wanted to LYK you're not alone in the Not Mother of the Year category. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 I've lost it in a similar with ds before. It really sucks. I do apologize. We move on and I learn from my mistakes, though that doesn't mean I'm suddenly perfect. :) But, we're humans too, us parents. I just wanted to LYK you're not alone in the Not Mother of the Year category. :) But you're perfect to me! :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Not on the list for Mother of the Year either. Once, when I had been less than, a-hem, perfect, DS told me accusingly that I wasn't as nice as the mom in the Little Bear books, and I don't bake as many treats either. Oooookkkaaaaaayyyy. Well then. He told me. :) An apology, and maybe that ice cream sound like a good plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 Not on the list for Mother of the Year either. Once, when I had been less than, a-hem, perfect, DS told me accusingly that I wasn't as nice as the mom in the Little Bear books, and I don't bake as many treats either. Oooookkkaaaaaayyyy. Well then. He told me. :) An apology, and maybe that ice cream sound like a good plan. That's funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I agree with Tiramisu that the apology conversation ought to include the "knee-jerk response to hurt feelings" bit. If your DD didn't know before today how hurtful her words could be, I'm betting she knows now. You could even tell her how lucky she is that I am not her mom - because undoubtedly I would deliver my 15-minute lecture on gratitude. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unfrumpable. Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Not on the list for Mother of the Year either. Once, when I had been less than, a-hem, perfect, DS told me accusingly that I wasn't as nice as the mom in the Little Bear books, and I don't bake as many treats either. Oooookkkaaaaaayyyy. Well then. He told me. :) An apology, and maybe that ice cream sound like a good plan. lol Oh, that is funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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