My 4yo can't hold a crayon correctly... is this normal?

[Roses]

I've been trying to teach my recently turned 4yo ds how to hold a crayon with a proper grip so we can start some simple prewriting things like drawing circles and lines and such. However, the ability to do completely escapes him at this point. He can, however, seem to find every other way to hold it in his hand but the correct way!

 

Is this normal? My oldest child just picked up the holding of a crayon/pencil with minimal practice and instruction...I basically showed her once and off we went.

 

Should I just stop trying to teach him this for now and try again maybe in a few months or 6 months? I don't really know what is "normal" for 4 yr. olds in this area, I guess.

 

We have the "Get Set for School" book from HWT, but he just isn't ready for this I think. Even with the wrong grip on the crayon he cannot really control his scribbling when trying to color in a shape. He can draw a circle or a cross but not when holding the crayon correctly. All of his fine motor skills seem lacking really. He's only just starting to master dressing himself but still needs a lot of assistance with that. Forget about holding scissors.

 

Should I be concerned or just give him time?

[Janna]

It's normal. Give it some time. :)

 

My ds was the same way. You can try again in 6 months, but chances are he still won't get it. I just kept working with my ds on it and eventually he got it. He just turned 6yo and now holds his pencil/crayons with the proper grip. I think he started to "get it" at the beginning on this school year, making him about 5.5 yo at the time.

[Tess in the Burbs]

we were doing the early stuff with HWT and she would not hold the crayon correctly. I just let her do it her way. When she finished the book she wanted to start learning letters with a pencil. I explained that she wasn't holding it correctly and we would try when she was ready. ;)

 

My stubborn child suddenly wanted to know HOW to do it correctly. We started the next book immediately.

 

But honestly, she literally couldn't hold a pencil correctly one week and the next she had it perfect. Kinda like my son riding his bike. Tears one day...bmx racing the next, LOL :cool:

 

Maybe get the fatter crayons too.....we started with fat pencils...so why not with a fatter crayon?

[Mx5]

I've been trying to teach my recently turned 4yo ds how to hold a crayon with a proper grip so we can start some simple prewriting things like drawing circles and lines and such. However, the ability to do completely escapes him at this point. He can, however, seem to find every other way to hold it in his hand but the correct way!

 

Is this normal? My oldest child just picked up the holding of a crayon/pencil with minimal practice and instruction...I basically showed her once and off we went.

 

Should I just stop trying to teach him this for now and try again maybe in a few months or 6 months? I don't really know what is "normal" for 4 yr. olds in this area, I guess.

 

We have the "Get Set for School" book from HWT, but he just isn't ready for this I think. Even with the wrong grip on the crayon he cannot really control his scribbling when trying to color in a shape. He can draw a circle or a cross but not when holding the crayon correctly. All of his fine motor skills seem lacking really. He's only just starting to master dressing himself but still needs a lot of assistance with that. Forget about holding scissors.

 

Should I be concerned or just give him time?

 

You should not be concerned. Give him time. Typically speaking, fine motor skills come much later for little boys than little girls. He has just turned 4... he's little more than a toddler. He will "get it" but it may not be for a year or two, and even then try to not compare him to any sisters, OK?

 

Some things that can help him develop those fine motor skills would be Legos, cutting paper with scissors, using sidewalk chalk, coloring with thick crayons, working with Play Doh will help strengthen his hands, and soforth.

[Ellie]

it will only be more difficult if you wait 6 months. Practice now.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Give him only tiny pieces of crayon for coloring. Make sure each piece is less than an inch long. If he wants to color or write, he'll have to hold the small piece correctly because that is the only way to hold it!

 

This is the method recommended in Handwriting Without Tears.

 

If he finds it too frustrating, he may decide not to try at all. That would probably indicate that he's not developmentally ready yet. If that happens, back off for awhile.

[CindyPTN]

I had heard,as Mx5 mentioned, that fine motor skills come later for boys. I know my boy is only 3 1/2, but I remember some one's advice (I believe it was on this board) about the handwriting being a subject better left to later because boys are late bloomers.

 

I noticed that my daughter already holds a pencil and crayon properly and I didn't take time to show them how. She just watches and does it. She's just over 2.

 

I find the differences in development fascinating. There are somethings we just have no control over. Guidance, yes, but complete ability to change-not quite.

[Friederike in Persia]

I've been telling my nearly 5 year old for over half a year now and he's finally getting it.:o

[Kathy in MD]

To develop a pincer grip, put different types of dried beans in egg cartons and have him make mosaics.

 

Playdough, crumpling paper, and legos will all strengthen his hand muscles.

 

Does you ds have any other delays such as gross motor skills? Fine motor skills can be just slow to develop, but sometimes there are other problems that appear with slow fine motor skills.

[Liberty]

 

I find the differences in development fascinating. There are somethings we just have no control over. Guidance, yes, but complete ability to change-not quite.

 

I find them fascinating also. I once attended a 2-day seminar for a previous job on the differences in brain development between boys/girls. Besides fine motor skills, boys are also generally behind girls in things such as hearing and sight. The presenter explained that teachers who made the boys sit up front in the classroom had far fewer behavior problems simply because the boys were now able to see and hear what was going on. I always try to remember this when I'm screaming my kids names down the hallway and they claim they never heard me. ;)

[Roses]

I've been giving him tiny pieces of crayon as recommended by HWT but that doesn't seem to help him figure it out. He can still figure out some other way to hold it. It is as if the "right" way to hold it completely alludes him - like it couldn't be more unnatural for him. He hasn't been able to figure out scissors at all, at least not more than making tiny snips at the edge of paper all while holding the scissors in well... a very "creative" manner to put it positively. Legos (the tiny ones) are beyond his ability. We got him some tinker toys though that can he work. He can only do very simple puzzles -- the kind with hard pieces made of wood. He hasn't mastered the puzzles with cardboard pieces... the kind with about 25 largish pieces for example, he cannot do.

 

As one poster said, this is a child that has, on several occasions gone from not getting something at all (for example, potty training and pedaling a tricycle) and then seemingly overnight just "getting it" so perhaps it will be the same with this?

 

To the poster that said, "practice, practice, practice" do you mean practice the correct hold or just let him practice drawing and coloring etc. with whatever hold he wants? I don't want him to reinforce bad habits necessarily but he just can't seem to figure out how to keep his fingers in the right spot for more than 2 or 3 seconds (after I manually placed them there). Fortunately he doesn't get exasperated by my attempts to correct his hold -- it is just me that gets exasperated! :D He loves the "pick up and drop" game that HWT recommends. He thinks that is hilarious. But so far it is getting us nowhere.

 

I've been told on numerous times that boys often develop slower than girls with things like that and, so far, he has proven this to be true in all areas of his development.

 

He had a 40% speech delay before age 2... both in communicative and receptive language skills. He has come along way since age 3 but every single day my dh and I look at each and wonder at this child who seems to very often not understand what we are trying to say to him. His reasoning/logic skills seem very weak. He seems to have a good attention span with things, he has great imaginative play skills, and he loves, loves, loves music and singing and memorizes songs very quickly and is always singing or humming to himself. He recognizes his letters and knows 90% of their letter sounds. He is very affectionate and cuddly and has the sunniest disposition for a child that I have ever known. But sometimes my dh and I look at each other and wonder if the gears are turning in there with this child?? The phrase, "He just doesn't (seem to) get it" is very applicable to him in so many areas it seems -- even when we explain something to him carefully and repeatedly.

 

We have a 2yo ds who seems almost as cognitively aware as our 4yo. The 2yo understands what we say to him easier than our 4yo sometimes. So while I've tried hard not to compare him to his 5yo big sister, it is harder not to compare him to his 2yo little brother.

 

So anyway, back to my original question (whining??) :D, I just wasn't sure with my little boy if I should forge ahead with teaching him how to hold a pencil/crayon properly and correct him whenever he holds it incorrectly or just drop it for now and let him hold it however he'd like and try again at some point in the future.

 

For those of you that have boys that have taken a few extra years to figure this out, did you just let them hold their pencil however they wanted to in the meantime?

 

Oh and we have these fat, short, triangular crayons that I thought might help him. Nope! :)

[Blue Hen]

To develop a pincer grip, put different types of dried beans in egg cartons and have him make mosaics.

 

Playdough, crumpling paper, and legos will all strengthen his hand muscles.

 

Does you ds have any other delays such as gross motor skills? Fine motor skills can be just slow to develop, but sometimes there are other problems that appear with slow fine motor skills.

 

I would add to Kathy's great list:

 

wheelbarrow walking

stringing beads

cutting paper and more cutting paper

embed an object into playdough and have him dig it out

building with legos

 

Get HUGE crayons, markers, BIG chalk and have him use that

 

Fine motor skills lag behind in boys and in some boys they really lag behind. Focusing on just holding the crayon correctly will not always do it. Helping the fine motor to develop is sometimes also needed so the above FUN tasks will help these to develop. Plus you will not be focusing the child on how he is incorrectly holding the crayon.

[Roses]

To develop a pincer grip, put different types of dried beans in egg cartons and have him make mosaics.

 

Playdough, crumpling paper, and legos will all strengthen his hand muscles.

 

Does you ds have any other delays such as gross motor skills? Fine motor skills can be just slow to develop, but sometimes there are other problems that appear with slow fine motor skills.

 

He can work playdoh, can definitely crumple paper, but the little original legos he can't do... well, he can put them together kind of but he can't take them apart.

 

As for gross motor, he can run, jump, somersault, climb pretty well but he is a very clumsy child who falls a lot (thankfully he almost always bounces back up though). He bumps into things, falls off of things (like chairs) etc. frequently. He learned to pedal a tricycle this summer at age 3.5 and literally went from one day not being able to and then next flying down the sidewalk like he'd been doing it for years. So I wouldn't say he is delayed in gross motor per se, but he isn't the most coordinated person in terms of gross motor skills.

[Roses]

I would add to Kathy's great list:

 

wheelbarrow walking

stringing beads

cutting paper and more cutting paper

embed an object into playdough and have him dig it out

building with legos

 

Get HUGE crayons, markers, BIG chalk and have him use that

 

Fine motor skills lag behind in boys and in some boys they really lag behind. Focusing on just holding the crayon correctly will not always do it. Helping the fine motor to develop is sometimes also needed so the above FUN tasks will help these to develop. Plus you will not be focusing the child on how he is incorrectly holding the crayon.

 

He has just recently started figuring out stringing beads, but it did take awhile. Again, with cutting paper, do I let him hold the scissors any which way? Because he can't seem to hold them properly either.

 

And for the huge crayons, markers, etc... he will still hold these incorrectly. Do I let him?

[Mx5]

He has just recently started figuring out stringing beads, but it did take awhile. Again, with cutting paper, do I let him hold the scissors any which way? Because he can't seem to hold them properly either.

 

And for the huge crayons, markers, etc... he will still hold these incorrectly. Do I let him?

 

Seriously, he won't have these issues when he's 16 and wanting his driver's license. ;) What I have done is have the things available a good part of every day. If he cannot do Legos, then grab some Duplo blocks or plain old building blocks. Fat round crayons are great. Also, get him a Magna Doodle... that is a lot of fun, and it doesn't leave behind a paper trail of failure, ya know?

 

Every child you have will develop at a different rate. He sounds like he's very intelligent and cheerful. What more could you want? I can tell you that if you get all worked up about these things now, you may inadvertently create perfectionism in him, and trust me that is no fun to deal with later in preadolescence / adolescence.

 

He will be fine. He will just do things differently for now, and that's OK.

 

I highly recommend "Better Late Than Early" by Dr. Raymond Moore. This helped me get a more realistic view of what to expect of my 5 kids. Now my oldest, a senior, homeschools a full load & works 2 part time jobs, plays keyboard at church and attends a college & high school youth group. He's happy - well liked - intelligent... and couldn't make the letter A at age 5 to save his life!

[Kathy in MD]

the other is for the teacher to use. When both the student and teacher use the sissors together, the student gets to "feel" how to open and close the sissors. This is how my ds finally learned to use sissors.

[Kathy in MD]

He can work playdoh, can definitely crumple paper, but the little original legos he can't do... well, he can put them together kind of but he can't take them apart.

 

As for gross motor, he can run, jump, somersault, climb pretty well but he is a very clumsy child who falls a lot (thankfully he almost always bounces back up though). He bumps into things, falls off of things (like chairs) etc. frequently. He learned to pedal a tricycle this summer at age 3.5 and literally went from one day not being able to and then next flying down the sidewalk like he'd been doing it for years. So I wouldn't say he is delayed in gross motor per se, but he isn't the most coordinated person in terms of gross motor skills.

 

The Out-of-Sync Child by Kranowitz. My ds had fine motor control problems, speech delays and was clumsy. This book describes his problem, SID. Your child may not have it, but if he does, the earlier he's diagnosed and treated the better the results. Treatment is therapy and a lot of fun for the child.

[Darcy in FL]

Give him only tiny pieces of crayon for coloring. Make sure each piece is less than an inch long. If he wants to color or write, he'll have to hold the small piece correctly because that is the only way to hold it!This is the method recommended in Handwriting Without Tears.

 

 

And my almost 4yo ds did GREAT with it! I was so excited to see him holding the crayon correctly. Problem is he saw me break the crayon so guess what his new favorite thing to do with his crayon box is! :D I appreciated this tip! Thanks!

[Roses]

The Out-of-Sync Child by Kranowitz. My ds had fine motor control problems, speech delays and was clumsy. This book describes his problem, SID. Your child may not have it, but if he does, the earlier he's diagnosed and treated the better the results. Treatment is therapy and a lot of fun for the child.

 

Kathy, thank you for this book recommendation. I'm going to get it - tomorrow if I can. I read the description and reviews on Amazon and did a quick search on sensory processing disorder. It took less than 5 minutes to realize what I was reading very much describes our son. I must say I'm sitting here crying because I'm actually very discouraged by this...maybe it my pregnancy hormones, I don't know.

 

My youngest son has a 50% gross motor delay. He is 26 months old and cannot walk yet (he can walk about 8 feet or so independently -- just taking his first steps really). He will walk eventually, but his legs are bent at the knees. It's a long, long story. He is in PT, OT and developmental therapy. He is seen by a slew of doctors.

 

To think that my other son has an entirely different set of issues - something that may mean OT for him as well.. well, it is exhausting and overwhelming to think of right now. I'm so discouraged. I'm fearful for the baby I'm carrying now... what will go wrong with him? I'm frustrated with myself that I don't seem to know how to best help my own child.

 

I know this thread started as a simple inquiry as to whether it is normal for 4yo to not have a clue how to hold a pencil properly...but I guess it is opened a much larger can of worms. My son has many of the "symptoms" of SPD that I have read about this evening... from very picky food habits, to chewing and swallowing issues, an intense interest in spinning things (though that has decreased somewhat the past 2 years)... I could go on and on, but I'll spare you all.

 

Thinking back, I myself had a lot of sensory-type issues as a child and still have some as an adult -- particularly texture issues like not liking the feel of Walmart plastic bags (ok, can't stand it would be a better description), or having tape stuck to me, was a very picky eater too as a child, very poor sense of smell, and so forth...

 

Anyway, thank you for the book recommendation. Perhaps it will be a good place to start.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Glad it helped someone!

 

Now, just make sure you hide all the new crayons until he's 6! :)

[ELaurie]

((Roses))