maize Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 One of my children is a people pleaser by nature, which is wonderful in some ways but problematic in others. I have seen her do things for people that she really doesn't want to do (like giving up her cookie because another child wanted it) because she feels trapped. Generosity is a wonderful thing but feeling that you don't have a choice isn't. I feel like I need to help her develop some boundaries so she has some room to be herself, do what she wants, eat her own cookie without feeling that she has to make everyone else happy. I've never been a people pleaser type (have gotten in my fair share of trouble over that...) so I have a hard time knowing how to help her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 I don't have a child like yours, and I have never been a people-pleaser, but I think it's great that you are concerned that your dd's sweet and generous nature could end up with her allowing people to take advantage of her, and that you want to help her learn that it's OK to say no, to stand up for herself, and not to let people push her around. I never thought much about it until I read threads here on this forum about people who are simply too nice to say no, and who end up being terribly taken advantage of. Saying no has always come naturally to me, so I guess I never realized that for many people, it's an important skill that needs to be learned, and I would assume that it's a lot easier to teach and model for a child than it is to try to make a big behavior and attitude change as an adult. I think this is an excellent topic, and I'm sure many people will benefit from it. I don't have any advice for you, but I'm sure many others will have a lot of ideas and experiences to share. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 Thanks for sharing your thoughts Catwoman. I'm surprised no one else has jumped into the discussion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Role playing uncomfortable situations like the cookie one is a great way to practice and cement these skills. You be dd at first and model ways to set boundaries in specific situations, then let dd practice saying no. Gradually increase the difficulty of the situations. Do it a couple of times a week. It should be fun. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 At our house, e.g., I make sure PP (people-pleaser) doesn't give in to whining/demanding of the "the taker" child just to appease her. I've even forbade her from it when I sense she really didn't want to give up whatever it was and try to be sure that PP had had her share of whatever the special treat, item or event was. I've also discussed boundaries on giving and generosity. E.g., "just because someone sends us a flyer in the mail asking for money doesn't mean we have to send them our $1.17. We might want to, but we should research and know something about the charity, their financial stewardship and how we are responsible to use the funds for our own needs also." Then I applaud her generous spirit, of course, but at least discuss the healthy boundaries and priorities of resources, giving, sharing, etc. I've also told the kids before other kids came over to put away toys out of sight that they don't want to share once other kids come. If it's in sight, it's fair game, so if you'll be unhappy sharing it once playmates are here, put it away. And that's just the beginning of my teaching them about their personal property rights. ;) Hth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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