Overwhelmed and insecure. Where do I go from here?

[2biscuitsplz]

First my back story. My dh is 48, I am 38. Married nearly 12 years. We have a dd 4 as of May, 4 month old dd born in May too. Years of infertility and our older age have created helicopter parents and we are fine with that. We had many friends that pushed their children into learning before they were 2 years old. We opted to go the other route. Early this summer my dh stated he wanted our oldest dd to start pre k at the public school near our house. I could not sleep. I always wanted our children to go to a Christian school, homeschooling was an option, just not the primary.

My dh took a half day off of work to register our dd. I was made aware of Classical Conversations by my sister in law. Her two children attended a classical school and they were moving and would not be able to send them this coming year.

After much debate and deliberation and many hours of prayer, my dh agreed, homeschool the girls, start this week. I ordered my curriculum and a few things. Now I have NO clue what to do or where to start. Not even sure what to expect from my dd or require.

 

My oldest is super bright. It took a week of easy gentle working and she learned the ABC song. Leap frogs Letter Factory DVD has helpd her recognize them. She cannot hold a pencil correctly, but can color inside the lines and loves to be read to. I just have no idea where to start or even how to begin and on what?! She loves "Momma School".

 

Any help and insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

[priveaa]

I have no wisdom, but am almost in the same situation... What curriculum did you order? I am trying to figure that out...

[mumto2]

The first thing we really need to know is which curriculum you have already ordered so people who have used it successfully can give you some advice.

 

The second thing I would do is some serious reading. Go to your library and check out a few books so you know what style you are interested in. I would make sure "The Well Trained Mind" is one of them. I have loaned my copy to so many who need some direction. It has always helped.

 

While at the library check out a wide variety of picture books. Reading to your 4 year old is the foundation for her learning to read. You could just do this with some creative projects from the books and have a really sucessful year.

 

I would also see if you can find a homeschool group to try. Call your Church(you did mention Christian school) and see if they know of one.

 

Keep coming here and asking your questions. Lots of helpful people with some great ideas. :)

[TracyP]

I agree with mumto2. If you haven't yet, read TWTM. This will give you a great age by age break down of what to do and how to do it.

 

Don't be overwhelmed. Remember that your child is a 4yo. It is easy to see homeschooling as this Big Daunting Thing. In reality, it is just a small extension of the parenting you have been doing all along.

 

If the child is ready and willing, 4yo is a good time to start learning to read. I have had one that wasn't ready at that age. No biggie! I put the reading book away until he was 5. I read aloud to them every day. Math for a 4yo happens through purposeful conversation and playing with manipulatives. This should all be fun, low key, and child led at this age. It sounds like you are already doing much of this. Don't stress, you will do great. :)

 

 

 

 

 

[craftyerin]

Did you decide to go with Classical Conversations? If so, that's a lot!!  I wouldn't worry about adding much to CC besides some learning letters and sounds and reading aloud a lot of good books.  

 

My favorite resources when my kids were PK were All About Reading's pre-reading program.  It's FANTASTIC.  Takes you through all the letters, upper and lower case, learning to recognize and write them, and then goes through them again learning their sounds. Each lesson also has a phonemic awareness activity that builds reading-readiness skills.  So valuable!  We also used Handwriting Without Tears' PK materials, and about mid-way through their 4yo year, started with the "A" book of Singapore Essential Math.  

[Rachel]

I just started homeschooling my 5 year old even though we made the decision to homeschool 2 years ago.  I never did any official preschool work with him, just lots of reading.  I am very sympathetic about the overwhelmed feeling, as this school year approached my anxiety was affecting my sleep.  We have a few other homeschooling families at our church, so I talked with them to get a feel for how they do things, that helped a lot.  A couple months ago I wrote down my goals, how I pictured our days, and what curriculum I would need to reach that goal.  That eased the stress a lot.

 

I also picked a start day (Sept. 3), but as it approached I realized that going from playing all day to sitting down to do schoolwork every day may be a shock to my little guy's system.  So over the last 3 or 4 weeks we have been easing into things.  This has helped my confidence a ton!  

 

He loves to write, so I started with penmanship every day after breakfast, after a week or so he was used to the routine so we added phonics, next week we will add in math.  The easing in has been very helpful to me as I try to figure out how to teach each subject and how my son learns.

 

There is so much information out there that it can be really overwhelming, I would suggest picking something and trying it.  The phonics program I chose turned out not to be what my son needed, but I wouldn't have known if I hadn't tried.  Because I do have younger children, I'll hang onto if for them.

 

With a 4 year old I don't think you need a ton of formal instruction, my son was trying to read on his own so I checked out the BOB books from the library, it helped him understand better how words were formed.  Mostly though we spent a lot of time reading, not just picture books, but novels too.

 

Good luck to you!  I have found this forum very helpful.

[HS Mom in NC]

I know plenty of helicopter parents who aren't older and who haven't had fertility issues.   I also know older parents who have had fertility issues who aren't at all helicopter parents. It's a mixture of a sub cultures and certain personality types.

 

If you're prone to fret, let me suggest you read a lot of history.  Humanity has manged to survive in spite of clan wars, famine, pestilence, plague, tyranny of all sorts, lack of sanitation and basic medical access, and other such things.  You'll thrive here in the industrialized world in the information age.

 

The way to reduce insecurity is to know what your choices are and why you chose one over the others. That means homework up front and taking an active rather than passive role but it spares you the endless shifting sands of blindly accepting recommendations, experimenting with them, and then repeating the process over and over until you finally find something that works.  It saves time, money and energy in the long run and creates a more satisfying, cohesive homeschooling experience for you, your spouse and your children.

 

It also gives you something intelligent to say when people question your decision to homeschool.  If you're not able to articulate what you're doing and why you're doing it the way you are, you're going to be very insecure when someone brings up the subject. 

 

Since you're beginning at the beginning, you can take a deep breath and rest easy.  These are the early elementary issues that come up.  Focus on those first THEN look at curriculum. 

I would consider people pushing academics for any child under the age 6 in the same category (assuming their children didn't beg daily to learn academics.)

 

There are 2 uses of the word preschool:

 

1) the time in a child's life BEFORE a child learns reading, writing, and arithmetic-usually under the age of 6 in our culture

 

2) a time when a child under 6 is learning reading, writing and arithmetic

 

There are different schools of thought on which is best for children in general and for individual children.  I suggest any parent starting out familiarize herself with the arguments for and against both and decide for herself what she thinks is best for her family and each of her individual children.

How much academics does she want for her kids? What kind of academics? How much exploring their interest? How much creative play?  How much free play? How much group play?  How much exploring nature? How much physical play?

 

Whether you choose academic preschool or not, I strongly suggest any parent (regardless of how they plan on having their child educated) start a read aloud routine.  There are plenty of excellent resources out there for finding quality books at the library and at book sellers.  Here are good books to help you find good books:

 

1) Honey for A Child's Heart

 

2) Books the Build Character

 

3) A Thomas Jefferson Education (the book lists for different age groups in the back is excellent)

 

You can also google award winning children's books for book lists.

 

My husband and I read aloud to our kids from preschool-high school about 2 hours a day (not all in one sitting.)   Search this website for read aloud information, suggestions, and book recordings. It's one of the most important and neglected aspects of education in America-even among many homeschoolers. There are book recordings for parents who want someone else to help read aloud to their kids and for kids who aren't reading fluently yet but want to be read to constantly.

 

There are a couple of categories for teaching reading.

 

1) Look Say (often mislabeled whole language) which is memorizing each word by how it looks

 

2) Phonics which is memorizing the sound each letter and each letter combination so each word is sounded out enough times until a child memorizes it by sight.

 

Familiarize yourself with both schools of thought and decide for yourself which you want to do and why. The vast majority of homeschoolers choose Phonics. Different Phonics curricula vary to some degree.  The most immediate difference is whether the letter names are taught first or only the letter sounds (and the names aren't mentioned.) Ruth Beechick explains why letter sounds first are preferable (both in the short and long term) in her book A Homestart in Reading.  Most other phonics approaches choose to do the letter names first. The other huge difference is how many sight words are taught in the Phonics program.

 

Having a good solid grasp of the two approaches will make you a more savvy shopper.

 

Different children are ready to learn to read at different ages.  My oldest (17 and in college now) learned to read fluently between the ages of 4 and 5. By her 5th birthday she could read any of the books in the house like an adult.  My middle child (15 and in college now) wasn't ready to learn to read until she was almost 8.  We got out the phonics when she was 6, did 2 short 10 minute sessions per day for a couple of weeks.  Nothing stuck.  We put it away for 2-3 months and repeated the process until it did stick. By the time she was 11 she could read fluently like an adult.  My youngest (now 8) was ready when she was 6.  She is a very strong reader, but not fluent like an adult yet. She'll get there when she gets there because we're voracious readers around here.

 

When it comes to math there are different approaches out there:

 

1) Most people learned to do math in a very symbolic way (counting pictures or on their fingers and adding written out numbers.) This approach emphasizes wrote memorization more.

 

2) Others incorporate a concrete representation of what's written on the paper with what are called "manipulatives."  Read about why and how they're used and decide if it's for you or not.  There are variations in curricula that use manipulatives and some also add in drawing some sort of representation of the thought process going on (putting groups of things together, taking a larger group and making them smaller groups, etc.) First they emphasize the concrete representation until it's mastered, then they focus on memorizing math facts for speed.

 

Decide for yourself which you prefer and why then you won't have to waste your time looking into curriculum that is clearly not a good fit. You can look into the different curricula that do things the way you know you prefer. 

 

Writing has different schools of thought and styles and priorities when it comes to the mechanics of writing.  Some start earlier and some later because of their views on brain development and the development of fine motor skills.  Then you have to decide which style of handwriting you want.  What is your goal?  Beauty?  Legibility?  Speed? Easier transitions between print and cursive/italic script?

 

When it comes to writing in the sense of putting ideas on paper in understandable ways, there are two approaches:

 

1) Narration based writing.  Children listen to something read, then they put into their own spoken words what they remember.  In the early stages a parent writes down what the child said out loud and the child copies it on paper.  Later the child does all of it on their own.

 

2) Not narration based. There are lots of different approaches with different techniques and priorities.  Some are more formulated than others. 

Narration is a skill developed over time with practice.  Look into what it is and how it's done. Decide if it's something you want to do.  Decide if you want to do it exclusively or in combination other approaches. Do you want formulated writing?

 

School at home or not?

 

There are roughly to two big categories of homeschoolers:

 

1) People who mimic school with pre-packaged curriculum like institutional schools use.  All subjects are segregated, they use grade levels, they use workbooks/textbooks that require the child to fill in the blanks, write short answers to questions at the back of the chapter, answer multiple choice questions, do a test at the end of the week, etc.  They tend to have their children doing seat work several hours a day, etc. They usually follow a schedule like the local schools do during the day and throughout the year. This type of person is usually doing a grading system of percentages and letter grades.

 

2) People who don't do school at home.  They use other types of materials, they often avoid any sort of grade level mindset at all (most consider it a way to slow children down) and assign different kinds of assignments that require different levels of thinking.  They have a tendency to look for approaches and materials that are more customizable and that are more flexible in nature. They tend to prefer what they call "living" or "real" books over workbook/textbooks.  They sometimes integrate subjects together.  Sometimes they do subjects, like formal logic, not done in most packaged curriculum. They often have multiple children at different developmental levels studying the same core content at the same time, but doing different levels of study and assignments. Some focus more than others on their children's individual interests and build an education around it.

 

What do you think of the typical education in America? (Or wherever you live.) Are you interested in doing the same at home or do you want to do something different?  Do you want to do a mix of the two? If you're interested in different, what kinds of different do you want and what kinds don't you want?

 

General Questions

 

What are your priorities for your children's education?  What are your goals for them by the time they're done with High School?  How structured do you want to be?  How hands on?  How much flexibility do you want built in?  How much of your child's interests do you want to include? How much of their childhood do want them sitting in a seat?  How much in the the field? What does your spouse say about these things?

 

Having a general idea about these kinds of things makes choosing what to buy and what to do much easier to decide. It also helps you ask better questions when looking into your options.

[Rachel]

 

 

Whether you choose academic preschool or not, I strongly suggest any parent (regardless of how they plan on having their child educated) start a read aloud routine.  There are plenty of excellent resources out there for finding quality books at the library and at book sellers.  Here are good books to help you find good books:

 

1) Honey for A Child's Heart

 

2) Books the Build Character

 

3) A Thomas Jefferson Education (the book lists for different age groups in the back is excellent)

 

 

 

I would add The Read Aloud Handbook to this list.  I haven't heard of Books that Build Character, I'm going to see if my library has it.

[HS Mom in NC]

In reply #2 I link several discussions here at TWTM boards addressing the when, how, why and what of reading aloud with young children.

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/450709-read-aloud-for-people-who-dont-like-to-read-aloud/

[HS Mom in NC]

For people who want to do preschool in a more structured or systematic way, consider covering these themes with library books and simple fun activities before age 6 if you want to use TWTM.  At 6 (or whenever you start SOTW 1)  TWTM begins with World History starting with The Ancients, so these things won't be included then.

 

Holidays:  (as celebrated in your culture) New Year's Day, MLK Day, Valentine's Day, President's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Independence Day, Halloween , All Saint's Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, others.

 

Community Helpers: Police, Firefighters, Doctors, Nurses, EMTs, Military Personnel, Search and Rescue teams, waste management workers,  civil servants, others.

 

Weather: seasons; types of climate (mountains, deserts, prairies, etc.) types of precipitation, how plants grow, etc.

 

Food: growing, harvesting, transporting, farms, fish hatcheries, domesticated animals, other.

 

Transportation: bikes,planes, trains , cars, trucks, construction vehicles, space craft, boats, rules of the road, other.

 

The 5 Senses: Sight, smell, sound, touch, taste.

 

Space: constellations (the night sky),planets, simple astronomy, people in space, other.

 

Dinosaurs: types, different periods of dinosaurs (depending on your views), climate related to

etc.

 

Religious Foundation: (I'm trying to be very general in terminology here so it applies to everyone), Stories from sacred texts, rituals, traditions, basic beliefs, etc.

 

Hygiene: self care, simple germ theory, sewage systems, dumps, etc.

 

Calenders and time: day and night, days of the week, months of the year, seasons, holidays, etc.

 

Other typical unit study themes for preschool

 

 

A simple, basic, unit study based on a theme usually includes:

 

1) a fact book or two written for young children

2) a few beautiful picture books of children's literature (folklore, mythology, fiction, simple biographies, etc.) 

3)  poetry

4) a hands on activity or two

5) possibly a related field trip

 

It can be done in addition to any reading, writing, or math (if you choose to include them) for preschool. You can study a theme for a day, a few days, a week, or any other amount of time you choose. You can choose the theme or your child can.  You can choose from lists of suggestions or come up with your own. You can make them bigger, longer and more complex if you choose. It's all up to you.

 

These suggested themes can be combined, done individually, or a mixture of both.  Connecting them in a unit study type theme related to the recommended reading you find in book descriptions for read alouds and with library catalog searches is an easy way to come up with preschool plan.  Most parents will cover many of these things just by answering "why" questions in regular, every day life, so don't feel like you have to do everything formally.  A simple internet search for activities using keywords related to your unit theme usually brings up plenty of options to choose from for hands on activities.

 

 

[2biscuitsplz]

I would seek answers at our church from other HS families, it's just that we do not have any. My dh is in the military and is on a special duty assignment. The church we attend is military and has no families, other than us. My dh works with service members with families. It's complicated. Trying to keep OPSEC in mind, or operational security.

 

We are Christian, conservative. I am not a huge fan of all day seat work. I did order the Classical Conversations Cycle 2 material. Parts seem heavy and overwhelming for a 4 yo. Some say she can do the work, in her way. I am a perfectionist and have to remind myself she is 4.

She loves to write, loves for me to read aloud to her. I love reading aloud!

I found the Abeka Little Books on eBay and purchased them for a very good price.

She has weak fine motor skills. She loves to button and unbutton. Loves to color. Has trouble with proper grip. Does not put much pressure on her pencil or crayon. She can, just does not.

 

I have TWTM. I read the pre k chapter, twice. I found a nice copy of Kiplings Just So Stories. Excited to start there.

I believe I will be adding in the CC information, for exposure, but will do our own for handwriting and reading and math. Next year we will start K, or start pre k over again. I was not in any hurry to start pre k this year, my dh was adamant about her doing some type of school this Fall. The good news is, the cycle 2 info can and will be kept for later use. It's not wasted. She is a young 4 as well. I wanted to start K in 2 years, after her 6 th birthday. My dh can only see and hear me holding her back. He was held back and made to repeat first grade with his sister. He said it was very upsetting for him. I was a star student, natural learner. I feel that a Classical education is what I needed and would have thrived under.

 

The "typical" American education is NOT for us! Not for my children. I love them too much to not teach them about Jesus, creation and faith, hope, love and forgiveness. I am aware that home is the place to learn those truths to begin with. I cannot surrender my child to the system. She is sensitive and innocent. We have worked hard to protect her from the evil and hatred around us. She is not exposed to a lot of violence or meanness. She is innocent in every meaning of the word.

 

My educational goals for her and her younger sister are simple; that they be wise, well spoken, well read, and quick o defend what, how and why they know what they do. If they are blessed and anointed to be fighter pilots, attorneys, mothers, musicians, or all of the above, I want them to know they have to foundation to build upon. If they choose college or higher learning that it is simple and easy for them because they have the tools to learn and the thirst for knowledge.

 

My prayer is that they will become Godly wives and mothers, be secure and confident in any situation or setting. Poised, graceful, kind, gentle, loving, tender hearted, and wise as serpents.

 

I am sorry for my disjointed reply. It is late. I have a fevered older girl and a fussy baby. I hope I made some kind of sense.

[HeartatHome]

Welcome to homeschooling!  It is a wonderful thing to be able to be apart of our children's everyday learning.  I also have two dd's and my primary goal is to teach them about the Lord so I understand where you are coming from.  Like you I'm also not a big fan of a lot of seat work at this age and I like a gentler start when they are young.

 

Since you are a first time homeschooler and a Christian I would suggest you take a look at the following:

 

Heart of Dakota

My Father's World

 

Just looking at your email I feel the above might be a good fit for you.  They start gently and have wonderful hands-on activities with minimal seat work. They are both Christ-centered and all planned out for you.  They are mix of Classical and Charlotte Mason philosophies.   I also like that both of these curriculum's delay the study of the Ancients for when the child is a bit older unlike the classical chronological 4 year cycle which introduces the ancient time period much earlier.    In fact, I like their over all approach on being sensitive to the child's age and how/when they introduce particular time periods and topics. There are certain things I'd rather wait until my dc are older.  You might be fine with that of course if you like the classical education in it's entirety but wanted to mention that.   I debated between these two for a long time but finally decided on HOD while my sister uses MFW and loves it. 

 

It might help you and your husband come to a compromise.  A gentle and fun start (for you) and at the same time they are learning!  :laugh:

 

As for fine motors and grip I wouldn't worry too much about that just continue to gently work with her on those things with various activities.   She's only 4 and it's a learning process.  My daughter did not have a good grip at 4. In fact, it was super tight death grip (she'd break almost every crayon she'd use lol) and I thought I'd really have a hard time with her but now at almost 5.5 she's doing great! She has a nice pencil grip so it will come if you gently and consistently work with her.  

 

I don't know much about CC so can't speak much to that.

 

Hope this helps. 

[2biscuitsplz]

Thank you! I really do appreciate your insights! I will look into them!

[beth83]

How exciting to just be entering the homeschooling world.  Welcome!

 

As a previous poster mentioned, I would not stress about this year.  There is no right answer.  I really looked at my first year homeschooling as a trial year.  I knew there would be bumps, I expected to change some plans, and I was okay with this all going into it.  I have to say that I learned so much my first year and that really set me up to be a better teacher after that.  I learned what exactly I was looking for in a curriculum and what worked in this house (with younger ones underfoot).  My daughter was the guinea pig and I learned so much from going along with my crazy ideas.

 

This is our second year in CC and I would say to stay away from it right now.  Unless you are participating in a community, it is too much for a 4 year old.  Even the 4 year olds in class just stare at the wall most of the time.  I was okay for 90% of the material going over my daughter's head as a 4yo because we also had the community aspect.  I don't think their vocabularies are big enough to grasp a lot of the material, even with advanced students.  Decidious?  1215?  Friction?  They just can't place these things right now.  Why bog them down with Eleanor of Aquitaine when you need to lay the foundations.  You need to be exploring life.  There needs to be time for a lot of self-discovery.  With the little focused time you get with a 4 year old, spend it on stuff that really matters!

 

Do something fun this year to usher your whole family into homeschooling.  There are so many programs, but we love Wee Folk Art.  Wee Folk Art is a wonderful, FUN curriculum and it is free.  It has read alouds, activities, field trips.  Outside of that, you can add in your own math, handwriting, religious studies, and whatever else.  Plus, it is FREE!!!  Despite us being on an accelerated educational schedule, I am scheduling time for this in the afternoon so we keep some of the joys of this age!  http://weefolkart.com/content/harvest-time-preschoolkindergarten-curriculum