Earned TV time with a chore schedule....

[Lovedtodeath]

 

Thoughts anyone?

 

 

 

 

 

 

TV/ Computer Times(Wii time gets 10 extra minutes over the TV)

 

 

 

 

9-9:30 AM ½ hour Mom’s choice

Before any more TV Brush hair, brush teeth, feed and water cats

2:30-4:30 ½ hour Mom’s choice, ½ hour Em’s choice

4:30-9pm Earned with chores

9pm No more TV for the day

Each Chore = 15 min Mom’s choice, 15 min Em’s choice

10 pages of assigned reading

20 minutes of unassigned reading

20-30 min. of watching Jakob

Vacuuming the rug

Cleaning off the floor in a room

Putting the silverware from the dishwasher away

Washing the dishes

Good behavior for Bible Study (paying attention, commenting)

Putting laundry away

Putting toys away as assigned

Feeding cats and changing water

Doing the exercise video with Mom

[Amy in Orlando]

I'm not a chart kind of person, just to be up front. I wouldn't want to tie chores OR reading OR exercise to screen time. My sister does this and it's excruciating to visit with her. Constant negotiating and bickering (her kids are 9.8.6). We spent two weeks at a beach house with them (and my parents and my brother) and it was unbearable. My oldest son actually volunteered to go outside and cut the line to the cable for the tv and computer. He even offered to pay for the repairs. My brother offered to split the cost with him. My Dad said he'd cover it if the whining and nagging and negotiating would just stop. (We all love my sister, her dh and her kids, but it was REALLY that horrible.)

 

When my kids were little, there was a set amount of time for tv and/or computer and it was pretty skimpy time. At the same time, the boys were expected to help with chores when asked. When they were 5/6/7 I helped them learn how to do the chores and explained what a great help it was to me and how when they could do it well on their own, we would have more time for x. I gradually assigned specific chores and expected them to complete them to my satisfaction when they were around 9/10/11. They exercised because they weren't watching tv or sitting at the computer. What's left? They could read or run around. More often than not, they ran around. Now, they tend to read more, but they're "old." Well, I still have ONE opting to run around. LOL

 

I have rarely rewarded my kids for simply behaving or helping. That is what people do. There is no reward for behaving in a civilized fashion. Although, and ask my oldest son, I've adjusted my thinking on what to expect from a 6/7/8 year-old. I expected FAR too much from him. Sure, he was smart. He read very well by age four. But he was a wee little guy that was not advanced socially and not advanced in meeting my insane expectations. I'm lucky. He's pretty forgiving as he's about to turn 16.

 

I DO understand where you are coming from and I'm not trying to beat you up. I just do not believe that this type of approach works in the long run. My experience backs up this belief. And, as your son gets older, your life is going to get very complicated if you intend to keep this approach.

 

School is school. Reading is fun and you have to do it even if you don't think it's fun. I'll be sitting right here reading my own book and if you get stuck or want to talk about your book, just ask. I'm going to do my exercise video and you're going to "x" while I do. When we're done, you can help me make cookies (or lunch or go to the park or whatever). You're part of this family and you will help keep the house clean/picked up so it's nice for all of us. I said 30 minutes of tv and I don't want to talk about it anymore. Thanks for behaving through Bible study (which I hope at her age is not over 10 minutes a day), have some M&M's.

 

Sorry, it's not been that long since we were at the beach and I felt obliged to warn you. I hope you get some success stories if this is what you really want to pursue.

[Lovedtodeath]

LOL, well..... expecting good behavior without reward isn't working for me, and this chart will actually cut way down on TV time. She is already performing 2 chores a day even though I have not implemented it, just because I read it to her. I can't imagine how there will be negotiating. That will not fly.

[Amy in Orlando]

LOL, well..... expecting good behavior without reward isn't working for me, and this chart will actually cut way down on TV time. She is already performing 2 chores a day even though I have not implemented it, just because I read it to her. I can't imagine how there will be negotiating. That will not fly.

 

Is she clear, each and every time, what you expect from her? Do you get down on her level and explain (in as few words as possible) what you expect before you set out to do something.

 

Why not just cut the tv time? Why a chart?

 

Where I saw "negotiating" was when my sister required them to clean "x." They'd finish "x" and come back to tell her. She'd look at their work and say "You didn't do x, x, x." Why she didn't just supervise them and/or give them specific instructions and then expect them to do it well is beyond me. But, I do know that my expectations of my oldest son when he was six were unreasonable. Add in a/some sibling(s) of an age to be expected to help and, to me, your plan spells disaster. But, like all things parenting-related, a lot has to do with the personalities involved.

 

By all means, go for the chart. I'm just sharing my experiences. Maybe it will work for you. I hope it does.

[chaik76]

I said I'd email you about this, and I will, I promise!!!

We do something sort of opposite. I. "unearns" tv for bad behavior. So it's basically a given that when he wakes up he'll have a certain amount of tv/screen time.

 

His times are:

In the morning when we wake up until school starts (usually one hour). Computer or tv (he usually chooses tv).

 

Rest Time: He can choose what activities to do during rest time. Tv/computer games, and PS games are allowed. He has certain educational channels he's allowed to choose from if he chooses tv. I make sure he has a ton of craft activities that are super fun to choose from, so we've cut screen time by about half using those.

 

Evening: Usually he watches a show in the evening with his dad.

 

Rewarding good behavior wasn't working out for us, so we started taking away for bad behavior (I am NOT saying that rewarding screen time for good behavior won't work...just that they didn't work for ds). In other words, when he wakes up in the morning, I assume he's going to be an angel all day:D, then take away for gross disobedience. For each thing that is worth taking tv away for (we have a chart of which behaviors will result in this) we take away one screen for the entire day. TV, then computer, then video games. Sometimes, if the offense is big enough, they're all taken away at once.

 

Because he really, really wants to keep his screen time, this works pretty well for us.

 

I'll email you on what we did to bring tv time down from it's former levels (which weren't good!).

 

ETA: I'm not allowed to give you rep right now. :(

[Jean in Newcastle]

3:30 - 9 pm seems way to long for t.v. time (even it that is only a possibility).

 

Chores are done for no pay of any kind in our house because chores are part of participating in a family.

 

Exercising with mom would be motivation enough for my kids - all by itself!

 

And I really, really dislike the idea of tying participation in Bible time to earned privileges. Bible time attendance can be mandated and so can respectful behavior but participation beyond that should come from the heart. And if it doesn't, you make it more enjoyable and you pray for your child.

[Lovedtodeath]

The only thing that really worries me is that she will get used to completing more and more of the chores and we will end up with too much screen time again.

 

She has a very bad temper, so it is better to reward her than to punish her.

 

I tried an idea a friend gave me of giving her $10 at the beginning of the week and take it away as punishment. She said "so... I don't need money anyway." :lol:

[chaik76]

The only thing that really worries me is that she will get used to completing more and more of the chores and we will end up with too much screen time again.

 

She has a very bad temper, so it is better to reward her than to punish her.

 

I tried an idea a friend gave me of giving her $10 at the beginning of the week and take it away as punishment. She said "so... I don't need money anyway." :lol:

 

I'm really starting to think our kids are twins...

[Lovedtodeath]

3:30 - 9 pm seems way to long for t.v. time (even it that is only a possibility).

 

Chores are done for no pay of any kind in our house because chores are part of participating in a family.

 

Exercising with mom would be motivation enough for my kids - all by itself!

 

And I really, really dislike the idea of tying participation in Bible time to earned privileges. Bible time attendance can be mandated and so can respectful behavior but participation beyond that should come from the heart. And if it doesn't, you make it more enjoyable and you pray for your child.

 

Thank you for your thoughts. Very good points; I might remove those two.

 

She will not ever be able to watch from 3:30-9, as she will not have the time to complete any chores if she does so. (Our school day ends around 3:30) But I am concerned that the screen time will get out of hand. Maybe I need to mandate times more specifically.

 

Thanks Jean, you were very helpful!

[Jean in Newcastle]

If she completes her chores send her outside to play with friends or the dog or just to play by herself. Take a walk with her, teach her to jump rope, go hiking, ride a bike. . . If it is raining then play a game with her, encourage her to collect something, have her play an instrument or dance to the stereo. I didn't notice her age but give her age-appropriate toys/activities to do. Teach her to knit, to do a craft. . .

 

If her temper is a problem, then tie a family activity to her behavior. If she can get through the afternoon without a tantrum then she gets to play Uno with you. Have her earn stickers toward a new scooter or a bike or. . . You get the idea!

[chaik76]

But I am concerned that the screen time will get out of hand. Maybe I need to mandate times more specifically.

 

Thanks Jean, you were very helpful!

Could you let her earn up to a certain amount each day? After that, there is no more left?

[chaik76]

This is just brainstorming, no idea if this would work at all:

Have you considered tying tv to active play? In other words, Em couldn't watch tv until she exercised (played, swam, ran around, climbed on a jungle gym, bounced on a trampoline) a certain amount of time. So...if she played actively for an hour she could get 15 minutes of tv time?

She really wouldn't be able to add up that much screen time that way.

Hmm...don't know if that will work for your dd, but maybe I'll try that for our son. We've reduced his screen time significantly, but I'd really like to bring it down further.

What types of non-screen-time things does Em like to do?

Does she like to read?

Play outside?

Do crafts?

Play with dolls?

Spin wildly around the room until she's dizzy and falls and makes the baby laugh?

 

Sorry if this is too much...

[Lovedtodeath]

This is just brainstorming, no idea if this would work at all:

Have you considered tying tv to active play? In other words, Em couldn't watch tv until she exercised (played, swam, ran around, climbed on a jungle gym, bounced on a trampoline) a certain amount of time. So...if she played actively for an hour she could get 15 minutes of tv time?

She really wouldn't be able to add up that much screen time that way.

Hmm...don't know if that will work for your dd, but maybe I'll try that for our son. We've reduced his screen time significantly, but I'd really like to bring it down further.

What types of non-screen-time things does Em like to do?

Does she like to read?

Play outside?

Do crafts?

Play with dolls?

Spin wildly around the room until she's dizzy and falls and makes the baby laugh?

 

Sorry if this is too much...

 

Your questions gave me ideas. Maybe she can trade screen time for mom time. She likes to pretend we are having a "spa day" (pedicures etc.), play with Barbies and Polly Pockets, and do craft projects. Problem is she does not play independently, and mommy is always short on time. She was just starting to play independently when her teenaged cousins came to stay and taught her that watching TV all day is "cool". I cannot believe how little those sloths move.:glare:

 

I am also thinking I will mandate brushing hair and teeth and taking care of the cats before her 2:30 viewing time, no extras from that.

[Barb_]

The whole thing seems way too complicated. Particularly for a 6yo. Age 6 needs a clear fenceline such as two shows or one movie a day. Period. Throw in 5 zillion variables and you're courting trouble. A 6yo really doesn't want the responsibility for juggling all those choices and possibilities. I also feel the same as Amy and Jean about rewarding chores and attention span with entertainment. When parents, teachers, coaches, etc. regularly reward children for showing personal responsibility, they are often unwittingly training those children to avoid personal responsibility except when there is a reward involved.

 

I would rethink the plan, honestly.

 

Barb

[chaik76]

Your questions gave me ideas. Maybe she can trade screen time for mom time. She likes to pretend we are having a "spa day" (pedicures etc.), play with Barbies and Polly Pockets, and do craft projects. Problem is she does not play independently, and mommy is always short on time. She was just starting to play independently when her teenaged cousins came to stay and taught her that watching TV all day is "cool". I cannot believe how little those sloths move.:glare:

 

I am also thinking I will mandate brushing hair and teeth and taking care of the cats before her 2:30 viewing time, no extras from that.

I really do understand the "not playing independently thing". It's something we struggle with here, too.

What we do here (disclaimer...again, this may not work for you...) is put on a fifteen minute timer. Ds must play by himself for those fifteen minutes. I make sure I already have stuff out and ready for him to do. The first several months we did this he interrupted me, oh, about every 30 seconds. :glare: But he's got the hang of it now, and can manage those 15 minutes. I've been working on both upping the time and on doing it more than once or twice a day.

[Peela]

I agree with Barb, but you probably need to try it to see for yourself first. Maybe it will work for you. For me, it would be too complicated. I have tried to set up things like that way so often, and it ends up being more work than just saying NO, go outside and play or NO, you need to do our chores then you can watch some TV till __o'clock- simple. Or YES, until dinner time. Or YES, after your chores are done, and then only until dinner time.

Whenever I try to set up a system it falls flat.

I don't reward for chores though, ever. It just what we do around here. And I don't use TV as a reward, because I don't want to make it more special than it is.

But you have a single child there with a much younger sibling- I can understand the difficulty, you cant always be playing with her. Why dont you just try it.

[Lovedtodeath]

Thing is just trying to cut down on TV time and establish some responsibility in a simpler way hasn't worked. Of course I have tried other things. I really need to give it structure so that we will stick to it and so that she will not balk every time I try to put my foot down. Thank you all for the feed back. I really appreciate all of the replies.

[Barb_]

Thing is just trying to cut down on TV time and establish some responsibility in a simpler way hasn't worked. Of course I have tried other things. I really need to give it structure so that we will stick to it and so that she will not balk every time I try to put my foot down. Thank you all for the feed back. I really appreciate all of the replies.

 

Sure thing, good luck!

 

Barb

[frogpond1]

Sounds like a set up to end up with a 6 year old begging to watch t.v. all day. My older kids it would work with if you wanted to do the exhausting calculations.

 

I myself would pick a certain time of day for computer time or a special t.v. show etc. and then if my child did his/her chores then it would be a go, and if not it would be a no.

 

We like to tie chore time to meals. Quick chore time before breakfast, before lunch, and before dinner, after dinner and before dessert. It works here instead of one long chore time, and it doesn't interfere when school begins either.

 

Morning- personal hygiene and make beds straighten room.

Lunch- recycle, dishes, laundry etc.....

 

I don't make a specific list, I just assign what needs to be done and all 4 help get it done, quick and snappy.

[5wolfcubs]

How about having a set period of time for your system? 2 weeks maybe, then you'll re-evaluate. Make positive changes and go another 2 weeks. It might be perfect from the get-go but if not, you know in 2 weeks you can make changes! Or you'll both adjust to the system by then. :)

[Lovedtodeath]

Good suggestions! Its really not all that complicated. 2 chores = 2 30 minute shows. She chooses one and I choose one. I am thinking I will give her movie tickets and write the name of the show on it. Tying it in to meal times and seeing if it works after a couple of weeks are good plans.

[Lovedtodeath]

After ruminating I have decided I will stick to the same basic "schedule" as on the chart, but she will not see the chart or think of it as earning TV time. I will just use the chart as a reminder to myself to tell her "no more TV until you...." Or "the TV has been on long enough." We'll see if that works first. Thanks for all of your thoughts.

[Amy in Orlando]

After ruminating I have decided I will stick to the same basic "schedule" as on the chart, but she will not see the chart or think of it as earning TV time. I will just use the chart as a reminder to myself to tell her "no more TV until you...." Or "the TV has been on long enough." We'll see if that works first. Thanks for all of your thoughts.

 

Yay! This is smart-thinking Carmen. I think you are avoiding so many headaches going this route. You're in control but not in the position of negotiating. I hope it works well for you.