How do you recharge?

[enigma]

I'm exausted. My 9yo son has been sick since Tuesday. For some reason 7yo dd has been in attention-seeking overdrive mode for the past week. They've both been insanely demanding for the last two days. Ds has been playing yoyo. I send him to another room, he hems and haws, then goes, and comes right back to get right in my face again. He's sick. I understand that. But I have needs to. And he doesn't understand that. He has no concept whatsoever of my need for a few minutes of quiet here and there throughout the day. Making supper this afternoon took twice as long as it should have because of all the interuptions and distractions. When dh got home, I was absolutely empty, with nothing left to give. And my children couldn't understand that. It was still, "Mama, take care of us. No, you don't get to rest. Take care of us." Dh took over for a while, but they kept sneaking away to me, not content with Daddy's attention (which is very unusual).I really needed to rest and recharge. To do something to restore some of what I'd given out. But I was at a loss. We're having ripping thunderstorms this evening, so I didn't want to go out in that. I don't really have any hobbies. I've tried a few, but never really found anything that clicked. So I'm looking for ideas. What do you do to fill yourself back up?

[Parrothead]

I sit here and participate on the forums or play internet Backgammon.

 

If I were ever as bad off as you were I'd have left the house for a while and drove around aimlessly with the music blaring.

 

Can you go chill at a friend's house if you get that way again?

[enigma]

Unfortunately, no. Since we moved to NC five years ago, I've met people and made social contacts, but I haven't met anyone that I really clicked with.

[kristavws]

I pour a glass of wine, call for the Bassett Hound, tell my honey the kids are all his for the next 1/2 hour, and head down the trail to our pond, where I sit and watch the frogs and salamanders swim around, while the dd (dear dog) chases bunnies). :D

 

That, or I sit here!

 

Krista

[Rose in BC]

I pour a glass of wine, call for the Bassett Hound, tell my honey the kids are all his for the next 1/2 hour, and head down the trail to our pond, where I sit and watch the frogs and salamanders swim around, while the dd (dear dog) chases bunnies). :D

 

That, or I sit here!

 

Krista

 

And miss them. Our Sassy was our first born (quite literally). I used to tell people I'd have to shoot her if she was able to talk and give away all the things I used vent to her (okay I sound like a nut cake but there's something about those floppy ears and droopy eyes that make them so loveable). She helped me survive infertility. And Harley and Sabrina were just bonus dogs -- friendly, lovable hounds.

 

Enjoy your hound. I hope one year we'll get another.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I read. Or I play computer solitaire. Or I take a walk by myself (if I can possibly get away).

[Amy in Orlando]

When my older boys were your kids' ages, I used to put a movie in the VCR (they're pre-dvd) instruct them that I was going to take a bath and there would be hell to pay if they so much as walked past the door, much less talked to me. I'd give them a snack or dinner, put them in front of the tv, get myself a glass of wine, whatever book I was reading and something that smelled good to put in the tub. I also brought the timer b/c I've been known to spend hours in the tub. 30 minutes later, I was saner, smelled good and ready to face the rest of the night.

 

I DO recommend that you keep trying to find a hobby or something that really interests you. I know for me that hands-on things (soap making, painting, sewing, quilting) give me a sense of doing something that lasts for more than 30 minutes (as opposed to dishes, laundry or sweeping the floor). You just have to find what "clicks" in your heart.

 

I have friends that find satisfaction (and a bit of an escape) in writing, scrapbooking, gardening, woodworking, tracing their family trees, and even baking (baking is beyond foreign to me, I find it stressful). There IS something out there that will give you some joy and peace and a sense of yourself, you just have to keep looking and trying.

 

And, while you're trying new things, include your kids. Sure, it's stressful at first, but it's worth it! You never know when you'll hit on a passion of theirs. And, if they find a passion, you'll get some peace! And, if you find something YOU love and they don't get it, they'll be more likely to let you be when you're pursuing that activity lest you rope them into threading needles, winding yarn, sorting pictures, whatever.

 

Hang in there. It really DOES ease up a bit when they get older. They'll still make you crazy, but in entirely different ways. ;)

[Peela]

There is some sort of mysterious connection between children and their mother, and it seems the more you try to defend against them, take space, shut them out- the more clingy and needy they become. I read about that years ago and it made sense to me, and I stopped trying to build walls against them so much- and just took myself away- even locked myself in a room if necessary. In a way, children need to feel you are always "there" but that doesnt mean you always need to "be there" physically. When you withdraw emotionally, they feel it instinctively. So best to make really sure you are taking care of your own needs, and nourishing yourself, so that you can stay emotionally open when you are with them. Well, thats how I see it and how I try to live.

 

To recharge, I sing, I knit, I watch TV, I go for walks in nature, I let the kids play computer games or watch TV, I go shopping alone, I read, I sit at the computer, I chat with friends, I meditate.

 

My husband has always been pretty clear with the kids that there are times I am his and his alone, and they need to leave us alone. And other times he keeps them away from me for my sake, to have some space. Perhaps you could ask your husband to help you get some space, because you are really feeling a need for it. Meanwhile, allow yourself to dream- if there were no restrictions, what would you like to do, be, achieve, make, or play? Do you crave friends, activities, quiet time alone, more sleep? I reckon you will find there is something, and perhaps you just haven't given yourself permission to have it, or move toward it.