Kids who say they "hate being homeschooled"

[CatholicMom]

But the decision was always his to make.... and this is a good thing. Lifelong decisions are reserved for adulthood status after one grows in their maturity .. in our culture this is around 18 years old.

 

 

I agree. But I didn't want to say this because I do think the OP was doing what she felt was right and that was a hard situation she was in. She gave her daughter the reigns on whether she should be homeschooled or go to school and I think her dd should not have been given that option as I think it's the parents' choice. However, the OP was obviously emotionally upset about the issue, which I think is *completely understandable* and was trying to be loving to her daughter. In the end, I think the whole conversation (though it went a bit awry) will do the family good. That heart-to-heart will not be fruitless. It was about more than "going to school" vs. "not going to school." Feelings came out in the open and the daughter apologized for making her mom upset (rightfully so! Good for her! She was being thoughtful and an apology was certainly in order if she was hurting her mother's feelings by making negative comments about homeschooling frequently. That's maturity and a step in the right direction.)

 

What I would personally do now is what really should have been done in the first place (though, like I said, the OP was in a hard situation and was trying to do a loving thing). I would explain all the reasons you homeschool and why you feel very strongly about it. I wouldn't make it out like you "owe" a reason, per se. But you could try to explain to her gently, from your point of view, why you feel homeschooling is best for her, in hopes that she will be persuaded and feel better about it. I would now apologize for giving her the option when perhaps you shouldn't have. Tell her you think dad is right and you wish you didn't set her up for disappointment and that was not what you intended (which I'm sure she knows). If she can't be persuaded from another heart-to-heart that homeschooling is the best for her, that doesn't mean you change your mind. Explain that you are the parent and she needs to trust you and that you hope she will change her mind in the future. I think dad defending you a bit and telling your daughter to be a bit more careful about her negativity is totally appropriate in this situation, unless you think your daughter already gathered that on her own.

 

There have been many times that my 8 & 10 yr olds have told me that they "hate school" or "hate that book" or whatever and I have started telling them that, you know what, that hurts my feelings when you say things like that. I explained that I spent hours picking out that book or that program, and that I spend a ton of time and energy trying to figure out how to make school effective and enjoyable, specifically picking programs I think they would enjoy more than others. It's still going to be work, but I always have this in mind. So when they say things like "I hate school" and "I hate that stupid book," no, it's not OK. They need to learn to respect my feelings just like anyone else.

 

I think this is something that cakemom's daughter needs to learn. Clearly she is a thoughtful daughter but I think it's a good thing she recognized how much time and energy and care her mom takes on her behalf, to do what she believes is right for her daughter. It's good for her daughter to respect that and even for her to be told (ideally by dad, IMO) that she needs to curb what she says about hating homeschooling out of respect and love for her mother. That's what my dh told my boys recently over dinner when they were saying things like "I haaate school" and he could see me getting a little emotional. And my boys immediately understood and now when they slip and say things like that they sometimes will apologize without my saying anything. Because they love me and know there are good reasons I "make them do school." It's part of growing up and part of life that you gotta do what you gotta do and when you are kid - even a 14 yr old kid - you gotta do what you parents believe is best for you. You can realize why later. Either way, it's not ok for kids to hurt feelings, even if it's mom.

 

And you know what, if she is gently told she needs to curb the negativity about homeschooling, I wouldn't be surprised if her feelings follow and she will feel more peace about staying home.

 

*Hugs* I think it will be just fine.

[Arcadia]

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[Ellie]

Wow. Another zombie thread.