Supporting a spouse with depression

[maize]

We've been fighting this battle together throughout our marriage, but I'm feeling alone and worn down lately. DH suffers from chronic depression, mostly he has been able to manage it through medication and occasional therapy (therapy gets so expensive). Every now and then, though, he gets into a slump for awhile. Sometimes I can track the problem to increased stress from work or life changes, sometimes I can't put my finger on anything. Sometimes he's just forgotten to take his medication and the next few days are miserable.

 

My husband is one of the kindest, most generous, most caring men I know--when he is functioning normally. Then depression rears its head and he turns cold and uncaring and irritable. I get left without emotional or much practical support at home, struggling to manage the logistics of the family and maintain the emotional climate of the home for everyone. It is exhausting and confusing. I can encourage him to do the things he needs to to take care of himself--get enough sleep, exercise, eat well, take his medication, see a counselor; I can't force him though, and I worry about turning our relationship into one of me nagging him. I can tell just by the expression on his face and the sound of his voice when his mood has slipped into depression, but he usually doesn't recognize it himself. His experience is that his world is falling apart, and he feels helpless and out of control and goes looking for someone or something to blame; he hates it when I point to depression as the real culprit for his feelings; that makes him feel broken. He knows it is a disease, but I think it is very hard to accept that your entire experience of life is being impacted by a disease. There are some things that are within my control--maintaining better order at home, getting the kids to bed on time, preparing nutritious meals. We have recently adopted a gluten-free diet, mostly hoping for a positive impact on emotional issues.

 

If you have lived with a spouse suffering from depression, what did you do to support them and at the same time take care of yourself and other family members? If you have dealt with depression personally what did your spouse do that was helpful? What do you wish they would have done differently? After so many years I suspect this is something that dh will struggle with throughout life; we are fortunate that the problem is under control most of the time, but it never completely goes away.

 

I'm just feeling tired today. I love my husband. Most of the time we very good marriage. But some days are just so hard.

[J-rap]

I'm sorry you are dealing with that; it must be very wearing.

 

Others will have more expert advice than I. But one thing I wanted to throw out is, does your husband ever get migraines/headaches? My husband had migraines for over 20 years, and sometimes would have short bouts of depression as well. Over time, he began to realize that the depression always hit a day or so before his migraine headache. It was all a part of his migraine cycle. The depression was simply the first sign of a migraine. Once he could put it into perspective, it was much easier to manage. Also, he would sometimes take his migraine medicine as soon as the depression part hit. It would not only ward off the headache, but the depression as well. (This didn't always work, but sometimes.)

 

I'm curious to hear more about the gluten-free diet, in time. I hope it brings some positive changes!

[JBJones]

My DH suffers from depression, but it gets drastically worse in the winter. He is on antidepressants (can't live with him if he's not on something) and I've actually considered buying a tanning bed so he can get some rays in the winter months. But I worry about skin cancer, so haven't. It can be tough. I also make sure that my DH takes calcium D-3. I read in a health magazine that is suppose to ward of depression. Plus, women need it anyway, so it's a good thing to have in your house. Good luck to you.

[gardenmom5]

has he ever been tested for the mthfr mutation? It is hereditary. it can seriously affect serotonin and dopamine levels in the brain. because of just how much it adversly affects the chemicals associated with them, it can be questionable about how well antidepressants will work. you would probably need to see a naturopathic doctor for testing - but it's only about $150ish for the test. there are two common mutations on the gene, and the test looks at both.

 

I've included a link - but it can be information overload. two of my sons have one mutation, and so I've seen what a huge difference targeted treatment can do. My father really struggled with depression his whole life, and didn't respond very well to treatment available at the time. I figure he probably had the mutation.

[gardenmom5]

My DH suffers from depression, but it gets drastically worse in the winter. He is on antidepressants (can't live with him if he's not on something) and I've actually considered buying a tanning bed so he can get some rays in the winter months. But I worry about skin cancer, so haven't. It can be tough. I also make sure that my DH takes calcium D-3. I read in a health magazine that is suppose to ward of depression. Plus, women need it anyway, so it's a good thing to have in your house. Good luck to you.

 

they have "lights" specifically for SAD (seasonal affective disorder). no skin cancer risk associated with them. be sure he is actually absorbing the d3. my daughter must use drops, she doesn't absorb the gel-tabs. (not even at 10,000IU's a day. her levels barely budged and she started at 10 - which had her provider freaking out.)

 

d3 levels should be a bare minimum of 30. my ND prefers 40 as a minimum and 60 as an average. I read one report from one oncologist who stated she never had a patient with a d3 level above 30.

 

2dd is in pharm school - and it came up that d3 is under consideration to be reclassified as a hormone because of how many bodily systems it is used in, and how it is made. regular use of sunblock will lower your levels - showering every day will lower your levels because it is made in the skin and it takes 24 hours to be absorbed after being produced.

[maize]

has he ever been tested for the mthfr mutation? It is hereditary. it can seriously affect serotonin and dopamine levels in the brain. because of just how much it adversly affects the chemicals associated with them, it can be questionable about how well antidepressants will work. you would probably need to see a naturopathic doctor for testing - but it's only about $150ish for the test. there are two common mutations on the gene, and the test looks at both.

 

I've included a link - but it can be information overload. two of my sons have one mutation, and so I've seen what a huge difference targeted treatment can do. My father really struggled with depression his whole life, and didn't respond very well to treatment available at the time. I figure he probably had the mutation.

 

 

Thanks for sharing, I have never heard of this. I will go research it.