Should I have handled this differently/better?

[Brilliant]

I posted on FB a while back that I am raising money for a charity. One of my friends, who lives in another city, immediately contributed.

 

A few days later I posted that I was raffling off a membership to a local venue. I posted about it several times over the last 10 days. This morning, after I posted the total $ raised for the raffle and that I had a winner...my out-of-town friend sent me a message wanting to know if she was included in the raffle.

 

Um, no. I wish I had just lied and told her yes. She had really expected to be included: "I LOVE that place". Well. I explained to her that since she had donated before the raffle was announced, and that she lives several hours away, I didn't think she'd intended to be included. Why on earth didn't she let me know at some point during the last 10 days? it would not have bothered me to include her! I think she's truly perplexed that I didn't automatically include her, and I'm truly perplexed that she expected to be automatically included! On our second round of messages I offered to send her some guest passes that she can use whenever she wants.

 

I was so upset that I cried - upset at myself for handling this wrong and offending my generous friend, and at her for being a previously low-maintenance friend who now is not!

 

Did I do this wrong? (BTW - she told me not to send the passes - I'm going to anyway)

[MomatHWTK]

I think you should call her or talk in person. Back and forth messages really isn't a good venue for hurt feelings.

[Catwoman]

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I'm not surprised that she thought she would have been included. But I do find it incredibly tacky that she's angry about it. She made a donation with no anticipation of being in a raffle, so you didn't have to include her name in it. (It would have been nice if you had, but it wasn't a requirement.)

 

(FWIW, and I know this may not be a popular sentiment, but I agree with you that your biggest mistake was in not telling her a little white lie and saying she was included but hadn't won.)

 

You did the right thing by offering her the guest passes. Just pop them in the mail along with a nice note and let it go.

[Mom2TheTeam]

I can see her side and your side. I think her conclusion that she should/would be included and yours that she donated before it was announced were both reasonable conclusions. I don't think either is right or wrong. Although, I don't think you were obligated to include her, it would have been nice. I think you handled it the best way you could. Unfortunately, what is done is done and you can't add her after the fact. Offering her the guest passes was very nice. Hopefully, you can both forgive and forget.

 

I'm sorry you were so upset. I would have been as well. Hugs to you!

[katilac]

If the raffle 'tickets' were based on making a donation, then certainly it would have been nice if you had thought to include her. However, I think it's really weird of her to ask if she was included after the fact! And to get angry about it, and to tell you not to send the passes . . . just very strange.

 

I would send the passes with no further comment other than, "Please enjoy!"

[Brilliant]

Update: I've called as MomaHWTK suggested, and left her a voice mail. I hope to hear back from her today. Our on-line messages ended on a pleasant note, but I just want to make sure we are OK. We have been friends for a lot of years.

[Brilliant]

Another update. We are fine. I overreacted - her messages to me didn't have lots of smiley-faces & winky-faces, so I took it as more serious than it was. She was just seeking information...not mad. Next time she heads down here I'm going to hook her up with some guest passes. So it's all good.

[Catwoman]

I'm so happy to hear that all is well with your friend -- I know it was such a stressful situation for you.