Creative discipline for constant sibling fighting? (girls are 8 and 5)

[ChristusG]

My girls are 8 and 5 (but are nearly 9 and 6)....and for the past few months they have been fighting and bickering HORRIBLY. This is just not acceptable to me. I can handle arguing....but seriously, ALL THE TIME. From the moment they wake up. This morning they joined me in bed for some snuggles....and it immediately began. Someones legs were touching someone else's legs. So the kicking began. Later on, they were scratching my back.....one child was scratching where the other child wanted to scratch....which led to pushing. They fight about their imaginary friends quite often. :glare: Basically, whatever they can find to fight about....they do. And honestly, most of the time I feel that my 8 year old is to blame. She's VERY finicky, moody, and quirky. So things have to be just so-so for her. I'm not saying my 5 year old is never at fault, because she knows which buttons to push on her sister and sometimes does, but it's the 8 year old a lot of the time. She can be down right mean to my 5 year old.

 

There's no name calling in our home, so they've honestly never called each other names. But for some reason, they think it is okay to use their hands to hurt each other. This is NOT okay by any means. I'm about to pull my hair out...it's very stressful for them to be fighting all the time. I find myself raising my voice a lot.

 

We've tried taking time apart to cool down (they usually go right back to fighting), taking away electronics, tomato staking (that works while it is happening and for a bit after, but they usually go back to fighting). I need something that works on a daily basis. I need to get to their heart. We sit down and read Bible verses about quarreling and love. They are interested but they don't seem to be taking it to heart. I don't expect them to be perfect and never fight. But I'd like for them to fight less than the 75% of the time they are fighting now.

 

What do you guys do for constant fighting and bickering? And the hitting, pinching, etc MUST STOP NOW. We've never allowed this or just brushed it off when it happens. It's always a serious offense in our household and I'm not sure why they think it is okay.

[dbmamaz]

two ideas - first of all, whatever the punishment is for pinching and hitting, its probably not something that matters enough to them if it doesnt make a difference.

 

also i read something once about helping kids with conflict resolution - it was all about making them take turns where one states her opinion and the other has to say it in her own words so the first knows she was heard, and then the second gets her turn to say her opinion, with the first saying it back in her words (and the one repeating it back has to get it right - try again if its not right). then they have to work together on a compromise plan. it would take a lot of work to train them in but would give them a way to work through it. but there has to be something to put the breaks on the fighting . . i dont know what that would be for them

[Mommie_Jen]

Well, I have boys and they are younger than your girls. But the other day I made them hold hands and they then had to work together to get out the laundry baskets and sort laundry. I usually make them work together on some sort of dull chore for a while to break up the fighting and get them to work together for a bit.

 

The connectedfamilies.org site has a lot of good things. I've printed out some pages about teaching conflict resolution as well as working through it from the parental side.

[DianeW88]

Well, you said "creative", so here's what I did when my two oldest (2.7 years apart) had trouble getting along.

 

I tied them together.

 

LOL I tied bandanas around their ankles, knees and touching elbows, and then told them we were playing a game to see how well they could learn to get along and work well together. They would get a prize each time they accomplished a task, but ONLY if they completed the task and worked together. Then I gave them assignments: water the plants, empty the trash cans, make your beds, take your laundry to the laundry room, fold the clean towels. This forced them to learn to work together, to negotiate successfully, and to use their strengths. Of course there were disagreements, but they had to learn to work it out or they wouldn't get the prize. Guess what? They did. They ended up having so much fun, they ASKED to do it everyday for a long time afterwards. You might want to videotape it...it's quite funny and they'll LOVE watching it when they're older.

[2squared]

When my kids are bickering like that, then I make time to have fun with all of them together every day. I read books to them, we play outside, we watch movies, we make cookies....whatever it takes to have fun together again. It's almost as though their behavior needs to be reset, and the best reset is through me. I also find that the bickering happens most often when they aren't getting enough relaxing family time and when I'm crabby. My attitidude drives everyone's attitude.

[Mommie_Jen]

Something else I've done recently is any screen time is now directly tied to attitude and behavior.