How important are peers to your child?

[Greenmama2]

I know there have been plenty of threads on this topic here and on similar boards, but it's my turn. I'm feeling a little alone in parenting DD and at the same time wondering how much effort I should be putting in to finding like minded peers for her. Until now we have been very lucky in stumbling upon similar ability peers, albeit 1-3 years older. The chief issue is that as life goes on, all those families have moved away or we away from them. In the broader community we interact with now there are a couple of girls 1-1.5 years younger than her & an Aspie boy 1.5 years older than her that she connects with on that level (she has other friends, these are the ones she opens up more about some of her interests with, since theirs are somewhat similar). The boy isn't interested in her friendship at all, which isn't surprising given the gender thing plus the fact that he doesn't have a high need for social interaction. Which leaves the girls. One we know well and one we don't. They are lovely and one has just started to learn chess so DD is thrilled she may have another child to play with (she plays with her best friend when she visits, but that's once or twice a year as she lives six hours away), but DD has always been the younger in a friendship. She isn't really sure how to be the older partner & I can see there are maturity differences that interfere a little too. Anyway, yadda, yadda. A lot of background...

 

I'm just wondering how much effort other parents put in to seek out peers for their children. DD has plenty of other friends but she isn't fulfilled by them. Also since most of them are older, we are starting to encounter tween/teen things cropping up which aren't of interest or particularly comfortable for her (she is 6.5).

[Donna]

My dd has some friends who are peers in intellectual and/or musical ability, some are people she just likes to have fun with, some are older, some are younger, and some are her age. She has friends who live a number of states away because we have worked to find like minded peers for her. She Skypes or talks on the phone with them and we make the effort to get together as often as possible. She also has local friends to play with.

 

My dd enjoys a variety of friends and gets different things from different people. She talks music with her orchestra friends, her friends a few states away, and the grownups she plays with at pubs. She plays and has fun with a local girl who happens to be a year older but used to be our neighbor. She stays in the Sunday school class with kids a year younger than her because there are 4 other girls a year younger who she enjoys spending time with and no girls in her grade level class. She enjoys hanging out to learn to sew and having fun with a girl a year older who homeschools and likes to sew. She takes homeschooling classes with two girls a couple years older than she is.

 

I think the need for peers differs from person to person. I grew up having a large number of acquaintances but only 1-2 close friends. My dd does not seem to care whether or not she has friends her own age. She seems to get along with everyone and finds a way to connect and have fun with them no matter what level they connect on. Maybe this will change as she gets older. When I was homeschooling my boys I found friends for them through their activities like martial arts, wrestling, etc... so intellectual abilities were not a consideration and the kids connected based on their mutual interests.

[JenneinCA]

Peers are super important, but they don't have to be in person. You can try online groups and hopefully connect there.

 

We moved at least in large part to that we could find peers for our kids. It was and is that important to us.

[Dmmetler]

I started hosting academic activities at my house to get interest peers. I was surprised at just how many parents were looking for something for their gifted child (and there are two families driving over an hour for these activities). DD ended up with one quite close in age child who truly IS a peer. Unfortunately, the other child will be moving outside the USA sometime in the next 6 months, but she's now had the experience of having a close-in-age peer locally. I also suspect that we'll be enrolling DD for an online gifted class with a discussion forum long-term, because the forums at Athena's have been so emotionally helpful to her. She participates in interest forums, but having a group of online folks who are similar in age makes a difference.

[boscopup]

I can't read sigs on my phone, but I'm guessing she is an only child? My oldest doesn't have very many friends, but he's ok with that because he has brothers to play with. In fact, when I pulled him from school, he wasn't at all concerned about leaving the kids. He was already kind of treated as the "geek" anyway - nothing mean, just not seeking out playing with him.

 

My middle son wants more interaction, but honestly, I think he NEEDS to be at home. He's the type that wants the things he needs the least, kwim?

[Greenmama2]

Thanks. She is not an only child. Her brother is three years younger and his development has taken an entirely different trajectory. They are very close but he is in no way a peer for her. She does have a lot of acquaintances and even good friends through her activities, but there is something missing that was there with the more on par friends who are no longer geographically close. Right now she is not complaining, but I noticed how much more relaxed and happy she was after playing with one of the younger girls I mentioned (who still lives an hour away), and I wondered if perhaps I should be putting more effort into this. I'm pondering asking the local ps if they will let her sit in on their chess club. There isn't an outside of school junior club within 1.5 to 2 hours, there isn't even an adult club in this area. I'm fairly confident she would start to meet more peers through violin as she gets older, but again the nearest decent youth orchestra program is 2 hours (& she wouldn't be ready for another year or two).

[Tracy]

I have spent a fair amount of time and effort finding peers for my dd. She is very social and needs friends. But because she is only 7yo, it has been important to me that I find peers who have moms that I can be friends with. We moved here when she was 4yo, and I spent a year just collecting contact information of people that we met (at the park, library, classes, etc.). Then I formed a play group, and we get together twice a month during the school year and weekly during the summer. It has worked very well for us.