New and Exhausted

[rutamattatt]

Hi gang.

 

I've been on the boards here for over a year. We started home schooling our three kiddos last year (because of the adoption laws of her home country, our DD was not allowed to be enrolled in public school for a period of time, and after that we opted to continue home schooling). The Cliff Notes version is that we adopted our DD in 2011 and have been home schooling since. She came to us with good conversational English, but not so great academic English, and was behind her peers in her home country from sporadic school attendance there until age 10. She comes from a background of neglect and abuse. She also flat out hates school work (or work of any kind).

 

She was evaluated in April by our district and we got a pseudo-ballpark idea of where she is at academically and some significant but very general challenge areas. We went to our pediatrician recently and are waiting for appointments with a psychiatrist and behavioral-(something else) psychologist at a great hospital nearby. I am no expert, but my guess is we have some FAE, PTSD, memory issues, processing issues, and a heap of emotional issues to top it all off.

 

We are at the very beginning of a long road, but we're moving towards...something. In the meanwhile, any generic ideas I should be trying here? I have been doing lots and lots of research, working with our district on curricula that may help, etc., but I gotta tell you...today especially I am ready to pull my hair out. I feel like I am just treading water right now because I know we have some very specific challenges here, but I don't have any tools or resources yet to help her (me) cope with them. And then I feel bad for being so. darn. frustrated.

[Dandelion]

First, :grouphug: .

 

I don't have any experience with the potential diagnoses you mentioned (DS9 has Asperger's with SPD and ADHD characteristics - so that's what I'm familiar with). Having said that, here are some general thoughts:

• Dealing with multiple issues and diagnoses is overwhelming. It can be helpful to map out the order in which you want to address your DD's various needs - because addressing everything at once will just wear you and your DD out, and it probably won't be as effective. Perhaps you want to start with the issue that is causing the most problems for your DD or for the family. Or, you may want to start with "low-hanging fruit" (i.e. something that you could quickly address and get a quick win from, and that will help you and your DD feel like you've made progress).
  
• Kids with neurological issues often benefit from relatively simple interventions - like improvements to diet, exercise, and sleep. DS made amazing progress after we cleaned up his diet and addressed food sensitivities (determined through an IgG blood test). We also added in various beneficial supplements (a whole-food based multi-vitamin, cod liver oil for the omega-3's, etc.). Just replacing processed/junk foods with healthier options is sometimes enough to improve focus and reduce behavior issues for some kids. I'm now trying to make sure DS gets at least an hour (preferably more) of exercise every day - when he does, we have a much better day. We also break regularly during lessons so he can run around outside or jump on the trampoline. When he comes back, he's able to focus better. Lastly, sleep issues can have a profound impact - if your DD isn't getting enough sleep at night, addressing that could potentially make a big difference for her.
  
• Finally, academics are important - but when a child is dealing with bigger issues, you'll often make more progress if you focus less on the academics and more on the emotional/behavioral/mental health of the child. A child who is hungry isn't going to be able to focus on a math lesson until the hunger is addressed. Just as hunger can interfere with a child's ability to learn, so can deep-seated neurological or emotional issues. I'm not advocating putting academics completely on hold - I'm just saying that sometimes "less is more" when it comes to the academic load for our kids. Create a balance between time spent on academics and time spent on addressing your DD's other needs (emotional, social, etc.). Focus on what works for your DD and your family, rather than what a curriculum indicates you should cover in a given year.
  

 

HTH!

[geodob]

Perhaps you could try doing a simple activity with her regularlyfor a while?

Which simply involves you standing behind her, as she stands in front of you

Then from a standing position, she leans back, and then you catch her.

Where you begin from catching her very close, and then gradually move further away.

So that she falls further before you catch her.

 

One major effect of neglect and abuse? Is a lack of trust in other people?

Where this simple exercise develops a sense of trust.

A trust that she can know and rely on.

So that when she faces her 'challenges'?

She can rely on you being out of sight, but still there ready to catch her if she falls.

[specialmama]

To echo Geodob, I'd work on her person before school. She is broken (in spirit) and needs mending, as much as possible. The first year of homeschooling out of ps or adoption is never wasted when you focus on attachment, character, relationships, snuggly read alouds and nature study. You'd be cultivating a new love of learning and mending a person at the same time. If it were me (I do have a special needs child and have taken in-depth adoption issues training) I'd scrap the idea of any academics whatsoever for at least a year. Call it unschooling. Call it relationship development. But call it, because the first year after adoption is hard enough. You're not wasting time when you're forming a foundation on which the entire future of your child (and family) grows.

[DyslexicParent]

Finally, academics are important - but when a child is dealing with bigger issues, you'll often make more progress if you focus less on the academics and more on the emotional/behavioral/mental health of the child.

Thank you for this advice. I was wondering if focusing on helping my child's challenges instead of homework and standardized exams is the right thing to do.

[PeterPan]

Sorry I missed your post! This definitely could have gone on the regular learning challenges section. Anyways, are you still reading this thread and looking for discussion? If so, the first thing that popped into my mind was to make sure your curriculum is realistic. There is curriculum for the high school specifically aimed at kids with a lower reading or vocabulary level. My stuff is downstairs, but there's a history I really like. The company also has science, etc. There are several publishers that do this.

 

Also, you mentioned in another thread that you've been doing a LOT of extra-currics. Is this slowing down for you? I think that would definitely help. I think that fascination with going, going, going is, well anyways... Peace is good. Finding your peaceful place and learning how to live is good. Branching out and trying *1* thing, once you're coming from a position of strength, is good. Homeschooling is about the gift of peace and stability. It's time to grow and blossom. You can't have that if you're too rush-rush. Redefine homeschooling and embrace the home part. Some people need time and help to blossom. She may blossom on a different timetable.

 

Feel free to post some more. Put in the title your FAS/FAE and adoption and whatever else. There are several people there who've dealt with it. Sometimes things just get lost. Those people will come out of the woodwork if you put that in your title and ask. :grouphug:

[echoterry]

I am also working towards an adoption, the only reason I am not home schooling yet and all four likely are FAS/FASD though they haven't been officially diagnosed. There is hope! All the stuff that you read about FAE doesn't all apply to your child, as I am sure you're learning.

 

I do second what has been said, working on the attachment and other issues isn't a waste of time, it'll help with the learning process as you get to the academic part.