Both kids just asked me to pull them out of school and homeschool

[songsparrow]

Hi everyone,

 

Quick background: After my older daughter (dd1) begged for 3/4 of her 4th grade year to be homeschooled, I homeschooled her in 5th grade last year. There were a number of issues, but one of the most compelling ones to me was that she wanted to be learning more material; she complained that she didn't feel like she was learning much that was new and challenging. We both loved homeschool, but she was really taken with one of the middle school options in our town (we have a magnet system), and asked to go there this year to try out middle school and see if it would be very different from elementary, so I agreed and re-enrolled her in PS this year. Meanwhile, my younger daughter (dd2) skipped a grade two years ago (skipped from 1st and 2nd halfway through the year; her school was very supportive), and that seemed to be keeping her challenged and happy last year in 3rd grade.

 

Since the start of this school year, dd1 has missed a lot of school due to vague maladies (generally involving nausea, dizziness, headaches and the like). Dd2 has not missed as many days, but has had numerous days where she's woken up and complained of similar issues and said she didn't feel up to going to school, although she did eventually end up going. Today is another one of those days. I decided that dd1 needed to try to go to school, and so loaded the girls into the car to take her to school late.

 

On the way there, we had one of those big conversations that seem to happen in the car. I asked dd1 if there was anything that was bothering her at school, and she said yes, she is not learning anything new in her core subjects except science. She said she is bored much of the time, sees no point in being at school, and wants to be homeschooled again. She said she has no issues with her classmates, and she's made friends. This is the only thing she's complained about since the start of the school year.

 

After I dropped her off, I asked dd2 if there was anything she wanted to tell me about her school. She said she has the same complaints - she feels bored and like she's not learning much new. She said she feels like she could skip another grade; she feels like she did in 1st grade before she skipped that year. Again, no complaints about classmates and she has friends.

 

Both of them want to be pulled out of school and homeschooled. Dh would support homeschooling.

 

What should I do now? My first instinct is to talk to their teachers and see if anything can be done, but past experience with such requests leaves me skeptical. It's just really hard to differentiate for one kid in a class of 25+, and any such differentiation seems to generally involve sending them off with a book to work ahead on their own. That does not work well with at least dd1; she wants to be taught, she wants interaction with her teacher, she often needs scaffolding to help her grasp new concepts but she can still grasp them at a much more accelerated pace than her peers. She got good but not stellar marks (As and Bs) in her first marking period, with most of the lower scores being due in large part to the days that she missed. She said that she also was not giving 100% because of her frustrations (e.g., sloppy mistakes on math problems even though she understands how to do them). But I worry that this will make her teachers skeptical of my claims, since she's not scoring 100% on everything.

 

I'm feeling surprised and overwhelmed at the moment; definitely need some time to process. So I came here, to vent to others who can understand, and listen to any support, advice, or suggestions anyone wants to offer as I start thinking about this. Thanks to anyone who's read this far! :001_smile:

[Lang Syne Boardie]

It sounds to me like both girls have given school a pretty good try. They've had no discipline problems or complaints from their teachers, they have succeeded in the social aspects of school and even made friends. But something's wrong if a child is vaguely ill on school days. It might be stress or lack of sleep. It might be something specific to the school building,like off-gassing carpeting or paint, or the kind of fluorescent lighting that makes some people rather sick. Or the malaise might stem from the ever-lasting sameness and pointlessness that characterizes the ps experience for too many students.

 

You've got bright girls who were learning, healthy, and happy in a homeschool setting. They are not learning, not happy, and not healthy at school. You've said you can hs, your DH is supportive of hs'ing, and the girls want to hs. Congratulations! You are a homeschooling family!

 

 

[2smartones]

I agree. I think now is the time to make a change. Why not tell them to finish out the term and start fresh at home after the holidays? That gives them time to transition, say bye to friends, and attend school parties.

[Parrothead]

I agree with Tibbie. They gave it a try and found the other side isn't better. Tell them they should finish the term and get their grades, but they won't be going back in January. Spend the time between now and then getting their input on what they want to learn and getting their supplies ready.

[lifesadream83]

I think that if they have experienced both options and they both want to be homeschooled, your are willing to do it, and dh supports you then you should. I would sit down with both of them though and tell them that this is it until they reach high school for the older one /middle school for the younger one. Have them try a reporting period in the schools again when they each reach that grade level to ensure they still prefer to homeschool. Some schools to quarterly some in trimesters. So if early on they are not liking it you can pull them if necessary.

[wapiti]

I would not decide just yet, not on the basis of one car conversation. I'd want to have more conversations to really flesh out all academic and social aspects, get to the bottom of the vague school-avoidance symptoms, etc., before deciding. I'd give myself at least a few more weeks to think it over. And, I'd look carefully at their schoolwork to see if, indeed, they both need more challenge and consider how I'd provide that.

For my kids, it's much easier to provide intellectual stretching in a one-on-one situation, because the group setting of school requires more independence with work (which for some may require slightly less challenge). The further my kids are stretched, the more they need the reassurance of one-on-one instruction.

FWIW, for the middle school one, once you've come up with the specific ways she needs more challenge, I'd have a chat with the principal to see what could be done in those areas before giving up on the school, since she's happy socially. It may depend on the subjects.

[alwayslearning]

I think too, that while more conversation is probably needed, it sounds like homeschool just works better for them. The reasoning is sound. I mean, like you said - they have friends, they like school ... but it is just not engaging and the challenge you can give them individually sounds like it makes them thrive. That would be hard to say no to. Do you have concerns about it? They seem like mature, articulate kids - it doesn't sound like maladjustment or a knee-jerk reaction. :)

 

Jen

[dbmamaz]

obviously if you ask a bunch of homeschoolers if you should homeschool your kids who are asking to be homeschooled because they want to learn more . . most homeschoolers would say to go for it. More and more, the schools are really handicapped by the standards tests, and of course you can meet their academic needs better than the school can.

 

But you posted because you werent sure or you needed to vent - so what are you looking for? Do you have concerns about homeschooling? Was there something holding you back?

[black_midori]

Just a comment on the "vague maladies" - sounds similar to my accelerated 6yo ds, who was finally diagnosed earlier this year with gluten intolerance after a year or so of what I would have called something like "vague maladies". He would periodically get super-tired earlier in the evening, complain of a sick stomach and headaches, and go to bed early (usually throwing up once). He'd then wake up in the morning perfectly fine and be fine for a few days before it would happen again. I finally took him to the Dr when it became a more-often-than-not thing, who pretty much did nothing (took a blood test at my insistence, but that didn't turn up anything). We then went gluten-free and took a stool test that showed a high likelihood of gluten being the problem. Now we have been GF for 6 months or so and he only occasionally has the ickies (usually due to known gluten cheating!). Just a thought! :)

[songsparrow]

Thanks, everyone, for your replies.

 

A couple people asked why I posted, what I was looking for. I don't take the decision of whether or not to homeschool lightly, and I don't really have anyone to turn to IRL to talk about this kind of decision. People I know are generally supportive, but I'm not close with other homeschooling families (one thing I'll make a goal to change if we homeschool again). I feel like I had just adjusted to having both girls back in ps, and now I'm suddenly (and somewhat unexpectedly) considering a huge change. i just needed someone to talk to, and I know that the boards here are (obviously) generally pro-homeschool, but you all also know that there are pros and cons to the decision, and I generally find advice here to be kind, thoughtful and well-balanced. I wanted to get some others' perspectives.

 

I want to make sure that we're not rushing into the decision and it is well thought out. The last time we decided to homeschool our older dd, she started asking to homeschool in December, but I made her finish out the year. I needed time to figure out how I would homeschool, and I wanted to make sure that there wasn't a temporary problem driving her requests. This time, I don't feel the need to wait that long to decide, but I still want to make sure I am considering the full picture. The conversation in the car wasn't the first time either girl expressed those thoughts. My older dd had commented at least 4 times since the start of the year about how much more material we could cover in hs versus ps, so I had expected to have this discussion but I was expecting it at the end of the year, not the middle. My younger dd has talked about hs as something she might do in the future, but this is the first time she said she's ready to do it right now. I'm continuing to ask them lots of questions, and to make sure they're considering any cons as well as pros.

 

Also, it would be a much easier decision to make if there were a big problem to be addressed, but there's not. Both girls are getting good grades, like their teachers, have friends, there's no bullying problems; we like their school communities, and find them to be generally positive places filled with caring teachers. The only issue is that they want more academically - going deeper into subjects, and moving through material at a faster pace. But that is a big issue in its own way; I don't want them to lose their desire to learn and their love of learning, and I want them to be challenged. alwayslearning said it well, that "it is just not engaging and the challenge you can give them individually sounds like it makes them thrive."

 

[boscopup]

I pulled my son because he wasn't learning much in school. It was a great decision. He now works at HIS pace, and we're both happy. His teachers had tried to challenge him, but it wasn't enough. I otherwise liked the school. The people were great. The kids were great. No bullying problems at that point (though I could see them eventually cropping up down the road). He was in a private school, and it was small and cozy. Kids from different grades all knew each other, etc. So it was a nice school... just not the best fit for my son.

 

It's a whole lot easier to let them move at their own pace at home than at school. Schools just aren't designed for that really.

 

Oh, and I made the decision to homeschool fairly quickly... I'd been pondering it since September of that year, and DH and I finally started seriously talking about it in November, close to Thanksgiving. I talked to my son about it, and he was gung ho about the idea. So at Christmas break, we pulled him. 2 years later, here we are! :D