I need to share my frustration with my middle schooler

[Kim in Appalachia]

My ds13, is having a rough year. This year I switched him to BJ's online. For grades 1 through 6 we mainly used R&S (still textbooks). In the past, I went over the lesson, then reviewed his material. I always did a complete review before each test. This year he is responsible to watch the video, take notes (!), do the homework, and then go over the work with me. He's supposed to study on his own for tests.

 

This has proven to be too much for the child. (said with sarcasm) He has been been sobbing (!) about it all this week. This week, all of the work is catching up to him. For a while the material was easy and didn't require much effort. Now he needs to actually study and learn new things. Today the boy informed me (with much shouting and tears) that I should not expect him to take notes, because he never had to do it before, and I should be studying for him (???). He shouldn't be expected to do all of the work himself, because in the past I helped. He actually said I should be doing more of his work.:glare:

 

Oh boy. This kid is going to drive me nuts. I've gone through this before, so I know it's normal. I just hate these days. On days like these I want him in school. :glare:

 

My ds10 informed me he never wants to do that curriculum, it must be super hard. He would also like it if I always did his work for him. :tongue_smilie:

[Night Elf]

That might be his way of asking for help seriously. If he's never really had to do those things independently, they are not intuitive to everyone. My ds16 is still learning to do all of those things. I hope it gets easier for him.

[Kim in Appalachia]

That might be his way of asking for help seriously. If he's never really had to do those things independently, they are not intuitive to everyone. My ds16 is still learning to do all of those things. I hope it gets easier for him.

 

Yeah, I know he is struggling. I've been trying to help him out, but really he just doesn't want to do something that requires effort.

 

It just cracked me up today when he said I should do his work. He was so upset. I had to hold in my laughter and snide remark.

[ktgrok]

That might be his way of asking for help seriously. If he's never really had to do those things independently, they are not intuitive to everyone. My ds16 is still learning to do all of those things. I hope it gets easier for him.

 

yup, I thought my son was just being dramatic, but he really needed help. and a curriculum switch.

[PeterPan]

Well have you tried to take the tests or do the homework?? Have you actually looked at his books?? I'm not meaning to be rude, but the new editions of the BJU stuff ARE hard. They're REALLY hard. They're so hard that a lot of die-hard BJU people are having to put kids back a grade or decide to use old editions. There's a HUGE JUMP from the BJU6 to BJU7 as well. So he's changing curricula, changing how every single thing is approached, going in with none of the background skills, and going into the grade where they make the biggest jump. It's no wonder he's frustrated!

 

I *assume* you made that change because you needed some emotional distance, practicality, and non-negotiableness. Or maybe you needed independence? I'd just figure out what you needed to accomplish with this change and what can give. If you need the non-negotiable, you might be able to put things on a checklist, tweak the way you're using a couple of the BJU things, and still be at a good point. You might decide you want to keep everything but try a different way of scheduling it. For instance, instead of doing every single subject straight through, you might like to do only one subject for a block. Seriously. I know some mks (missionary kids) who do this, and they enjoy it. That way he'd get in his groove with one thing and get it over with. Or you might decide to compromise on how you're using some things. For instance, I don't think the lit is worth the effort, so I'd drop it entirely. Just drop it. The science is quite good, but you may need to make outline notes for him to fill in or provide some other structure. That's OK. It's a hard course and it's ok for you to come in there and give him some help. On the math, I would make sure he's placed appropriately. Hmm, what else? The history is good, so I'd leave that as is.

 

Shake it up a bit. Drop something, change how you're scheduling something else. He could do only science now and do history at a double pace this summer. Shake it up a bit and get your peace back.

 

My dd has *begged* for the videos, because there's a certain element she craves. My dh has vetoed it, because he says they take too much time. We're using a lot of BJU stuff this year, but we're using it really hack. The only way to survive it with some kids IS to be hack with it. It has gotten pretty torturous, verging on losing the joy, and for some kids it's really not worth the effort. The math is worth the effort, but I think the pre-algebra is much better than the math 7 was. The lit 7 isn't worth the effort. The Life Science is. So don't be afraid to shake it up.

[Kim in Appalachia]

Thanks, Elizabeth. I think I will sit and do the classes with him today, and make a goal of doing that once a week. He has liked the history, but that's because it's easy. We covered lots of history. While we used R&S, we also listened (and still listen) to SOTW. He feels like that info comes naturally. Grammar is also easy, up till this last chapter. He somehow confused dependent and independent clauses. I was more upset that when I asked him if he had taken a quiz or test in the class, he said no. (Last week was extra crazy) If he would have told me about the quiz we could have covered it.

 

It's science and math that are the issue. I know BJ is hard, that is why I chose it, as well as for the Lit. He reads tons of books, but he needs help on learning how to "read" them. I want him to have a traditional lit course. I'm thinking of having him do Potter School next year for English and Science.

 

Anyway, thanks for your feed back. I will work with him more, it's just his attitude that is driving me nuts. It shows up in violin as well. He does the bare minimum and can't figure out why that's not enough.

[PeterPan]

Kim, my super-organized friend who uses the BJU videos for all her kids puts the parent schedules for each class into a binder. She has them swipe with a highlighter across the line as they read the instructions and notes for that day's lesson (quiz, read these pages, blah blah). Then she has them checkmark when it's completed. So that might help with your was there really a quiz thing.

 

I think the bare minimum thing is the age. I find I have to create a LOT of structure, or things fall apart for us. For years dd woke up asking if we were going to do school that day. I kid you not, all the way through 7th grade! Then in 8th grade (this year) the question was whether she REALLY had to do that. It's like this big button-pusher for her to ask whether she REALLY has to do that. So I put every single thing on a checklist and tow the line that I really meant it, yes you really have to do it, yes the list stands. So part of it is the age, honestly.

 

I think the other thing you can do to help is to start to grade him. It's not that you're keeping the grades or trying to demotivate him, but it's a way for him to compare his progress and efforts to a standard. There's so much talk of the BJU tests being too hard, blah blah, but they're really not. They're fair, and I think it's good and helpful to hit against a standard. Then he can see where he's stepping up to the plate with history but needs more work in science. Then you work as a team asking what we need to do together to get that up. With the science especially it's serious reading comprehension. It's can they read this paragraph or section that had three points and catch the three points to the argument and then take them over to the test and THINK about them in a more sophisticated way. It really gives them a run for their money, which I like. :D And that's why it's ok to help him learn how to do that, because their science is their hardest course.

 

On the lit, I hear you about him wanting to do more with the reading. I'm just telling you I've got the lit 7, lit 8, and lit 9, and it's NOT worth it. It's not that good. Actually I'll take that back. I thought the video samples for the lit 9 looked terrific, but my dd can't follow someone who talks that fast. Their only suggest to me was that I could figure out a way (apparently it's possible) to slow down the dvd play. Thanks, lol. But the lit itself isn't that compelling. Take Treasure Island. They read TI in the lit 9, read 5 chapters of it. Do they make it compelling by going into historical context or rabbit trails? No! They look at characterization, the simplest thing that many bright kids get on their own. So if the kid got that, there was nothing left. Then it's just this pedantic exercise. I'm all for making general knowledge explicit, really I am or I wouldn't have bought it, but there's gotta be some JOY along with it. And don't even get me started about the lady teaching on the lit 10 dvds who has a phd but who has multiple pronunciation errors during the sample videos online... And in the lit 9 dd often says that the story they selected was not one of the author's best, that she likes xyz better. It comes across as lit for kids who don't like to read, kids who have to be shoved into a list to say they read those authors but won't care or remember. When you get a kid who really loves to read, it's dissatisfying. And I'm saying that as one where you are, wanting to work on those skills explicitly, willing to put up with a bit. It's just not that good. I *think* the *new* lit 10 might be better. I like the way the tests step up with the lit 10. In fact that's why I decided to try 9 this year, as a springboard to 10.

 

The only interesting part of the lit 7 is the extra worksheet material on the cd in the tm. Do you have that? What you *might* like to do is teach it yourself. Get really hack. Print the pages from the cd, and literally just have him read in the text and do a worksheet, next day read to go with the next worksheet. Skip the discussion in the tm, skip the videos. It would be another way to get there. That's sort of what we've been doing.

 

With the things that my dd does totally independently like the TT math, I've had stages where I've actually had to sit in the room while she did it. That might be your compromise, that you aren't doing it with him but you just sit in the back and knit. That way you're aware of what's going on but not supplanting his need to step up to the plate.

[Kim in Appalachia]

Do you think there is a better curriculum for the lit? I'm thinking he'll do Potter School next year, and I want him ready. I haven't been very impressed with BJ lit, but I am using it for my 5th grader as well. He's dyslexic and I wanted something that went in small chunks and covered the basics. He's doing well with it, but I do it with him.

 

The biggest reason we went with the videos this year was because my son wanted it. He wanted to be more independent. It is a maturity issue. It just drives me a bit nuts some days. I remember when my oldest turned a corner with that. What a relief. :)

[PeterPan]

I haven't used it, but LLfLotR is supposed to be good. My dd is such a LotR nut (like she's read the entire set 17 times and almost everything else Tolkien has written), that I've been really up in the air about it. But that was what came to my mind for your ds. You could go in a slightly different direction and do WWS. It has them do literary analysis and good basic academic writing. I've got my dd doing it and am happy with it. In the BJU english (grammar/writing) 9 that we're doing, the writing assignments are at the end of each chapter. If the grammar/writing 7 that you're doing is that way, you could save those assignments or skip them and do WWS instead. There's also a lit fig book (name slips my mind, I have it downstairs, it gets mentioned on the LM board I think) that you could pair with the WWS. So then he'd be talking about lit with the literary figures book and writing about lit by the end of WWS.

 

I'm sorry, I went back to look for the title of that lit fig book, and I couldn't find it. It comes up though on the LM board. I think Swimmermom used it.