Twinmom Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 (edited) Ok, got a crazy one for you! My DD13 just got on the Internet and made arrangements to buy a puppy from out of state (having to set up a email acct to do so...big no-no in this house!). Yes, we have security on the computer, but apparently nothing was flagged here since it was just an email conversation. (Yes, we will be tightening that up ASAP!). Anyway, said child pretended to be me during the conversation, then wrote a rather large check in my name to the woman and mailed it off. I intercepted the envelope (mommy intuition...) before the mailman came. After mailing it, DD told me that she had gotten the most awesome Christmas present for us ever! She asked me a bit later how I would feel if the present were alive (this kid cannot keep a secret to save her life!). I told her I would send it back because we wanted to pick out a puppy ourselves, not have her make the arrangements. We have been talking about a puppy for a while and she doesn't know that we already have one picked out...two weeks old and still with Momma! Home a few weeks before Christmas. We've been telling her for a while that we would get a puppy when the time was right, but have not told her about the plans because she has a BIG mouth and would tell her little brothers. No one needs to know until it is close to happening around here, just in case something goes wrong. (All my kids are special needs...puppy disappointment would be overwhelming...enough said!) So, said child thought she was doing a good thing but did it spectacularly badly. Bless her heart, she even got the breed and sex of the dog we wanted correct! She is normal intelligence but has a mild brain injury and obviously questionable judgement and impulsivity. WWYD with a child like this? :confused: So far, I have simply made it clear that she was not to seek out a puppy and left it at that. I have the confiscated envelope and contacted the woman to cancel the sale. I'm thinking about just waiting to see what else DD has to say about it, hoping that she will confess. Thoughts? Edited October 31, 2012 by Twinmom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinmom Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Oh, and one more little note to help understand the impulsiveness...she became an aunt yesterday! The new baby drama was obviously a big deal around here...we were on the Internet all night seeing pics of DH, DSS, momma and baby out of state! She was thinking babies all night...I know she wanted to give me one. Not excusing her by any means, but that is her thought process as an adopted child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I would just confront her with it and have a talk about it. No waiting for her to confess or anything and likely no big punishments. I'd mention that what she did with the cheque was a serious crime and that she deceived the woman but I would not be too stern about all of it. Serious yes, but calm and not angry. I think the only person truly harmed in the whole affair was the puppy seller and I'd make sure there was a letter of apology written and sent, by mail, to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinmom Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 I think the only person truly harmed in the whole affair was the puppy seller and I'd make sure there was a letter of apology written and sent, by mail, to her. That's a great idea! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I might have her sit with you as you go over your online bank statement . . . "hmm, what's this? Why do you have that odd look on your face? Do you know something about a check for $xxx? Maybe someone stole a check from my checkbook; I may have to call the police. Can't remember if that's a felony or a misdemeanor. Hmm, I can look at my checks online and see what that was written for, let me see . . . ." I agree with having her apologize to the seller directly. That's pretty bad, as she may have held that puppy and possibly missed an opportunity to sell it to someone else. A long talk is definitely in order on many levels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 I don't know how your computer is set up, but I keep dd's stuff on a separate account. We're on a mac, but I think you can do this on windows computers too. So with that user account, I have it configured so she can't even RECEIVE email from somebody I haven't approved. Sounds like you're going to have to up your monitoring of her internet use a LOT. Her intellect and ability exceeds her level of internal control. The rest I'm no help with. I'm glad for your own sake that you're so calm about it. At first as I read your post I assumed you were flipping out. :) But all is ok, it can be made right. Just gonna have to have a lot more control. But her loss of liberty and increased *feeling* of the control is a logical consequence (alternative to punitive discipline) if you will. I'd definitely be losing some liberties here. And yes, dd has done some things with her internet liberty that caused her to lose some liberty. Like you, I take it pretty seriously because of what *can* happen. We really *can't* think up what they can do, lol. It's just this pandora's box, an open-ended scenario where their creativity and good intentions could end up anywhere. I tell here I can't keep her safe if I don't know what she's doing, so when she does stuff, she loses liberty. Logical consequence. BTW, I also threaten her with absolute TOTAL INTERNET LOSS if she makes accounts without me. If it seems appropriate, that might be a logical consequence. That might be too devastating, don't know. In dd's case, I've told her upfront that is the consequence. And she knows I would. I didn't have that policy, and she did make some accounts, etc. etc. So now our deal is very clear: you can do anything, but you have to ask me to sign up for stuff. I'll help you sign up for ANYTHING, but you better ask me. So you might have some changes in your policy going forward too. She's not the only one who has done something like that. I'm just glad for your sakes that you found it. Surely the check would not have cleared, meaning the woman would have figured it out before anything really happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TippyCanoe Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinmom Posted November 1, 2012 Author Share Posted November 1, 2012 She fessed up on the way home from the barn tonight, asking if the mail had gone out and if the envelope had been mailed. When I truthfully told her no, the whole story came out. She called the gal, pretended to be me and offered Bless her heart, she really did think she was doing a special thing for us and she didn't make the connection that she was doing something illegal. She really thought that she could get the dog flown in next week and didn't think about a) whether the check would clear, b) that signing my name and pretending to be me was wrong and c) that she was inconveniencing the seller. So, we have had a long talk about what could have happened, why what she did was wrong, etc. It was an easy talk since I could honestly say I thought her motives were pretty good, though misguided. She's not dead meat...but we are restricting Internet access for a while! Thanks...drama while DH is out of town is always hard to handle!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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