How to help a social butterfly thrive?

[LittleIzumi]

My oldest is fine with the amount of socialization she gets in homeschool. She's in second grade and hasn't had any issues. My youngest is in K and already going i.n.s.a.n.e. from wanting more socialization. She's been going to a thrice-weekly preschool, but due to some financial issues she will likely have to stop going. I don't know what I'm going to do with her. She is constantly asking to go to her friend's houses, to call them, to go visit the surrogate grandma across the street. I mean daily or multiple times a day, for the past year. She will ask as soon as she gets up in the morning if we can all go out for a walk together. Not play in the fenced yard our up and down the street with her siblings. Walks together where we can all talk and play together. She will ask to visit her friends before preschool. She will ask to visit her friends after preschool. She will ask to visit her friends at dinnertime. She will offer to walk there herself. She will ask to visit her preschool teacher. She will ask to visit the surrogate grandma multiple times a day, or even to just watch her hubby work on the RV when she's gone. She will ask to go next door where she is not allowed (very questionable household, already had the police out multiple times, always different people there, etc, plus a dog who chases her, but there are also almost always a couple of kids there at any point, so she wants to go over pleeeeeeease). She chats up strangers everywhere and anywhere. Yesterday she chatted up the grocery store cashier in the morning, came home and went across the street to the surrogate grandma, came home and played with friends (fall break for local school) until 3pm without stopping for breath, the moment they left she asked to go visit the surrogate grandma again and did for a long time, then asked to go walk together, then ran around with kids at the public library, etc, etc, etc. She asks to call her friends on the phone or walk herself or be dropped off. It's like every single moment of her day that is NOT spent with friends is wasted and she's miserable (unless she's on the iPad or computer). She has preschool three times a week, playgroups once or twice a week, park times, church, and two siblings to play with. With all that it's like she withering away for lack of social time. She just turned five!!! And now she will probably be losing preschool. We can't afford any outside classes (if we could we'd pay for the preschool!). The library is far away and doesn't really have anything for her age when it's not summertime. There aren't any neighborhood kids who speak English or aren't bullies (sigh) that we know of. Her friends are a few blocks away so we all have to go together as a family, basically make it a playgroup, or arrange a dropoff to have her play there. I do plan to set up playtime with one friend in particular in addition to the weekly playgroup they already have together, since that's nowhere close to enough for this dd. Her other friends keep moving farther away with jobs, so we only see them once every two weeks. I'm looking at charter schools for next year, but we have to survive this one. (And I'm pregnant and an introvert so I don't want to walk her up to other places constantly, lol. Plus we do need time to actually homeschool, esp the elder girl.)

 

Help?

Edited October 12, 2012 by LittleIzumi

[Jean in Newcastle]

My dd is like that. In my dd's case it is as much of a search for stimulation as it is for social interaction. We've actually limited dd's interaction more than given into it. In my dd's case we felt that a. she needed to learn skills in entertaining herself b. it isn't healthy to have to be stimulated all the time c. the social skills she was learning weren't good in our particular situation d. the social was pulling her away from the family, which we did not think was good for the younger years.

 

What I've done is: school is interactive for her. She does have some independent work but much of it is "social" and hands on. We all go to the Y every day and she gets social group time there in a healthy environment. I supervise her neighborhood play because of our past bad experiences. And I've actively pursued things like hobbies for her to the point of making "handicrafts" part of our school subjects. She still would like more, but I think she's having a healthy balance and is learning to be content with that.

[LittleIzumi]

My dd is like that. In my dd's case it is as much of a search for stimulation as it is for social interaction. We've actually limited dd's interaction more than given into it. In my dd's case we felt that a. she needed to learn skills in entertaining herself b. it isn't healthy to have to be stimulated all the time c. the social skills she was learning weren't good in our particular situation d. the social was pulling her away from the family, which we did not think was good for the younger years.

 

What I've done is: school is interactive for her. She does have some independent work but much of it is "social" and hands on. We all go to the Y every day and she gets social group time there in a healthy environment. I supervise her neighborhood play because of our past bad experiences. And I've actively pursued things like hobbies for her to the point of making "handicrafts" part of our school subjects. She still would like more, but I think she's having a healthy balance and is learning to be content with that.

 

She also wants to be read to constantly. I cannot WAIT until she can read herself. Still in CVC words now. She is learning to sew and she redesigns her clothes and cuts her hair/doll hair all the time. It's like a teenager trapped in a 5-year-old body. :lol: She's the living incarnation of Fancy Nancy but at home with me.

[Jean in Newcastle]

This book has been very helpful in understanding my daughter.

[LittleIzumi]

She's now in the bathtub whimpering, "I hate being alone. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate being alone." (Her toddler brother is done and just got out.) That pretty much sums it up right there.

[Ellie]

I had a social butterfly. And I would not have entertained her constant pinings/naggings for more socializing.

 

We had Sunday school on Sundays, children's activities on Wednesday night and Sunday night. Eventually, there were weekly Highland dance classes, soccer once or twice, homeschool park day once a month, and weekly Camp Fire meetings. Other than that, we stayed home.

 

IMHO, it is good for very social children to learn that they do NOT have to be with other people other than family every single moment of the day.

[TammyS]

I agree with what everyone else has said and would add that for kids like this having mandatory periods of silence can be helpful. They have to learn that not having constant stimulation isn't going to kill them. You want to start small and give her a quiet activity to do during this time. Make sure that you sell it as a positive and not as a punishment. For 30 minutes everyone in the house is not going to talk. Instead we are all going to (whatever). When the bell chimes, we can talk again.

[LittleIzumi]

I agree with what everyone else has said and would add that for kids like this having mandatory periods of silence can be helpful. They have to learn that not having constant stimulation isn't going to kill them. You want to start small and give her a quiet activity to do during this time. Make sure that you sell it as a positive and not as a punishment. For 30 minutes everyone in the house is not going to talk. Instead we are all going to (whatever). When the bell chimes, we can talk again.

 

The first time we had Quiet Time she thought she was going to die. :lol: She popped out every five minutes to ask if it was dooooooone yeeeeeeeeeet. :lol: We just ran out of time for that. I need to schedule it in again. And I'm teaching her either knitting or crochet today. She needs more things she can do independently. Right now she's trying to make a Christmas outfit for her brother. (And she generally wants to do it herself, so he'll never be able to wear it, but it's cute.)

[Durriyyah]

DD1 used to be like this, and I found she had no clue how to entertain herself. I would setup some expected times to hang out with friends (sounds like you have some of this already), and anything beyond that is bonus, but not expected. Maybe having some expected along time would be good too. There should be a balance. Not all of life is being entertained, unless she can figure out how to do it herself. :)

[cougarmom4]

My dd5 is just like this! When I pick her up from a playdate, she asks ON THE WAY TO THE CAR, "who do I get to play with now?". I am also an introvert and find myself almost hyperventilating from her constant desire to be with people! But as she does have lots of times that she plays alone, I don't see it as a bad thing necessarily. But she and I are certainly different!

 

Maybe we need to be next door neighbors so we can let them play while we hide in our own houses. :D.

 

For mine, I'm finding that sensory play is a very helpful thing...playdoh, sand, water at the sink, finger painting. Another good thing with this dd is dramatic play...providing a few props or ideas of pretend she can play like pizza restaurant or taking her doll to the dentist, etc. Once she gets started, she will often take off with the idea and play for awhile on her own. My dd is the youngest, so while the olders are off or busy, it's almost like she doesn't know what to do.