son with mentall illness and school abilities

[boymama]

I adopted K when he was 4yo and he was behind with his colors, numbers, etc. We got him caught up and he even excelled and advanced ahead quickly. NOW he is almost 10 and does almost nothing in school except look around, play with his pencil, pick his eraser, etc. If he is having a good day, he MAY do some work, but if he doesn't want to work, he sits and messes. He has a LOT of diagnoses: ADHD, RAD( which makes his extremely defiant to me) ODD, OCD. His mental illness makes him prone to just not want to work to be defiant. He will intentially do it wrong, messy or whatever to try to make me mad. I know he can do everything I am asking of him, so then it becomes a game to him to push my buttons. I can not spend the day redirecting his moods, because it would take all day and I have other children that want to succeed. Believe me, this is a game of control for him and that is his main goal. My question is; he is not doing his work, I have already held him back in 3rd grade once, how would you pass him on to other grades and eventually graduate? SHould I just let him sit or continue to try and push him to learn at his level. He would be content to sit and color ( real baby work) and not be challenged at all. The work I am giving him is NOT too hard for him. He just doesn't want to do it. What are your thoughts about his school future and how to advance him from grade to grade for a diploma/certificate? Thanks in advance.

[Shellers]

I adopted K when he was 4yo and he was behind with his colors, numbers, etc. We got him caught up and he even excelled and advanced ahead quickly. NOW he is almost 10 and does almost nothing in school except look around, play with his pencil, pick his eraser, etc. If he is having a good day, he MAY do some work, but if he doesn't want to work, he sits and messes. He has a LOT of diagnoses: ADHD, RAD( which makes his extremely defiant to me) ODD, OCD. His mental illness makes him prone to just not want to work to be defiant. He will intentially do it wrong, messy or whatever to try to make me mad. I know he can do everything I am asking of him, so then it becomes a game to him to push my buttons. I can not spend the day redirecting his moods, because it would take all day and I have other children that want to succeed. Believe me, this is a game of control for him and that is his main goal. My question is; he is not doing his work, I have already held him back in 3rd grade once, how would you pass him on to other grades and eventually graduate? SHould I just let him sit or continue to try and push him to learn at his level. He would be content to sit and color ( real baby work) and not be challenged at all. The work I am giving him is NOT too hard for him. He just doesn't want to do it. What are your thoughts about his school future and how to advance him from grade to grade for a diploma/certificate? Thanks in advance.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I think you should PM Denisemomof4.

[LMV]

I adopted K when he was 4yo and he was behind with his colors, numbers, etc. We got him caught up and he even excelled and advanced ahead quickly. NOW he is almost 10 and does almost nothing in school except look around, play with his pencil, pick his eraser, etc. If he is having a good day, he MAY do some work, but if he doesn't want to work, he sits and messes. He has a LOT of diagnoses: ADHD, RAD( which makes his extremely defiant to me) ODD, OCD. His mental illness makes him prone to just not want to work to be defiant. He will intentially do it wrong, messy or whatever to try to make me mad. I know he can do everything I am asking of him, so then it becomes a game to him to push my buttons. I can not spend the day redirecting his moods, because it would take all day and I have other children that want to succeed. Believe me, this is a game of control for him and that is his main goal. My question is; he is not doing his work, I have already held him back in 3rd grade once, how would you pass him on to other grades and eventually graduate? SHould I just let him sit or continue to try and push him to learn at his level. He would be content to sit and color ( real baby work) and not be challenged at all. The work I am giving him is NOT too hard for him. He just doesn't want to do it. What are your thoughts about his school future and how to advance him from grade to grade for a diploma/certificate? Thanks in advance.

 

:grouphug:

 

Are you working with an attachment therapist? Do they have any suggestions for approaching the school work issue? Do they have input/insight on whether there may be benefit in considering placing him in school and separating the educational issues out from the rest of the puzzle. [Definitely pursue an IEP if you are going this route and see if your current team can be in on the IEP development.]

 

I realize I've asked a bunch of questions and offered no great advice but I'll check back into this thread and see if can be more helpful later. In the meantime best wishes, and peace.

[jenncslp]

Have you tried some other methods of school work. Maybe you could try some child-led activities. Educational toys, dvd's, playing that incorporates learning. My dd is adopted, has Down Syndrome and sensory-integration disorder. We do a lot of things besides seatwork. She just doesn't learn best that way. So maybe tapping into his other senses is the best option.

[Ottakee]

Denise woudl be a good one to contact.

 

Is he on any medication/under the care of a psychiatrist? For us, we found that my daughter had bipolar (looked like very ADHD, ODD, along with mood swings). Once she was on proper medication things got a LOT LOT better.

 

I agree that it might be time to consider removing yourself from his education. Public school with an IEP might be very helpful to you.........and even if he doesn't learn more there, you would get a break and be out of that power struggle.