How can I make the best of this situation?

[craftymama]

My in-laws are coming to visit in a few weeks. I have not seen them in nearly a decade and my children have never met them. To make what could be a very long story short, my MIL does not like me and I do not care for her. Despite several attempts by dh and myself we have made zero progress in getting along. MIL believes I stole him from her, her words.

 

This visit was suggested by me because FIL was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago and dh wants his dad to meet his kids while he can still understand who they are. If I waited for someone in his family to make the arrangements it would be too late and I didn't want dh to have that regret. I know this is the right thing to do for him.

 

But I do not know how to keep the stress of the visit down for both me and my children. Honestly, I hardly know these people and there is a good chance they will not see them again.

[Jpoy85]

My inlaws and I dont get along at all. I would have them stay someplace else and I would limit the contact when they are here. Just because they visit doesnt mesn you have to spend every waking moment together. KWIM?

 

IF they are staying at your house, well Ill pray for you. lol. I wouldnt be able to do it.

[MrsBasil]

As stressful as it will be, your dh needs to run interference.

 

I would start with the assumption that MIL will behave, if not I would ask(well....I would tell, but not everyone works like that) dh to not leave me alone with her and to make himself heard if she starts to run you down, particularly in front of the children.

 

I would have plenty of visiting time, but have some activities outside of the house planned for you and the kids(library, park, wandering Walmart) under the pretense that dh needs time to visit his parents or let FIL have some quiet.

 

If MIL can be cordial, it's OK to bite your tongue a little due to the stress of her husband's Alzheimer's diagnosis, unless she starts up in front of the kids or crosses whatever line you have drawn.

 

You know if she starts whining about how she wishes dh lived closer/never moved away...I'd let it go, personally. If she calls you names or tries to blame, I'd leave and let dh know ahead of time that's his cue to deal with his parents.

 

Be flexible about meals as best you can. Ask what they want, if they leave it up to you, prepare things that are fast and generally accepted. If they are fussy or picky and you usually eat vegan or exotic fare, tone it down. Or you'll hear about it.

 

If they want to shower the kids with crap and junk food, let it slide. If they ignore the kids, remember you tentatively planned those outings just in case.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Hope someone has better advice for you!

[Puma Mom]

Well, since they already don't like you and you may not have to see them again, that takes the pressure off of trying to make them happy. Instead, be the kindest person you can be without allowing them to walk all over you. Accept that you may not be able to please mil.

 

It may help to pretend you're in a play and she's playing the part of the terrible mil. Decide how your dil character should be played and go for it.

 

Or put a quarter (or dollar) in a jar for every time she's difficult and another if you're able to respond graciously.

 

Basically, make it a win-win situation for you.

[Rosie_0801]

Every bit of niceness you show towards them is niceness to your husband. Keep that very strongly positioned in your mind so if MIL behaves badly, you can give yourself double niceness to husband points. :tongue_smilie:

 

Rosie

[mumto2]

Just remember the whole time that you will not have to do this again. Keep the food simple. Do not decide to make things you have never cooked before. Announce to mil that it is simple so that everyone can enjoy the visit.

 

Planning time away is a great suggestion. For you and the children. This visit is all about DH let him run the show. You are simply support.